Ink Stained Hands

not gone yet... ;]

2011-11-15T01:34:00.003-05:00

To make up for my silence these past couple of months, I'm linking to some of the things I've written for the YU Beacon recently.

There's one about an exhibit of Janet Shafner's artwork in the Hebrew Union College Museum, titled "Dark Prophecies." Her paintings are visually striking and thought-provoking, usually depicting Jewish themes and stories from the Torah in new ways. This exhibit is open until March 30, 2012 and I highly recommend going to see it.

Then there is the article about the Medieval Festival that occurred in Ft. Tryon Park on October 2nd.

And finally, there is an article about my love for the Stern College Dramatic Society (SCDS) and all the wonderful things that SCDS brings to Stern.

Aside from my own writing, there are a lot of other interesting articles in the YUBeacon, covering a range of topics from shomer negiah in the 21st century to the challenges of getting enough sleep in dormitories. Check out the YUBeacon's website for more!

Shana tova, dear readers!

2011-09-28T16:49:00.002-04:00

I've been listening to this on repeat, getting myself into the feeling of Rosh Hashana. The Maccabeats did a wonderful job with this song -- it's beautiful, uplifting, and hopeful, which is what I need right now. It has been one long adventure of a year. There are some things that have happened that I had trouble coming to terms with, but looking at the future I am confident and feel at peace and ready to move on. Above all, I feel fortunate and grateful for all the people in my life and I wish for them all (and for you, my readers) to have a meaningful Rosh Hashana and a good year that includes clarity and understanding and peace and love.

A Ripple

2011-09-27T22:49:00.003-04:00

We pass by thousands of people each day -- strangers who will never be anything to us, and strangers to whom we will never be anything. Those faces pass before our eyes and fade into oblivion -- and with them, thousands of opportunities to connect with other human beings, to have even a tiny little bit of impact on their lives.

I was sitting on the A train on Sunday, going back home at night from Washington Heights after a lovely day spent with my friends in the city and in the Heights, and I randomly remembered something that had happened last year.

I had been sitting on the train then too, almost like every evening, traveling home from Stern. I like to look at the people around me, to observe the multitude of individuals united here for the moment. There was a couple sitting across from me, a man and a woman dressed in cheerful brights colors and a rather unusual style. I couldn't help looking at them -- the way they were dressed looked so interesting. At the same time, I was attempting to get some homework done.

The couple stood up a few stops before mine, and as they were getting off the train, the woman handed me a folded up ticket stub, saying, "This is for you." Surprised, I simply said, "Oh, thanks." They quickly got off the train and the doors closed behind them before I could properly look at what she had handed me. I unfolded the ticket stub, and saw her elegant handwriting on the back. "You are very pretty :)" it said. I smiled.

I pass by thousands of strangers each day without remembering any of their faces. But one of those strangers had made a difference in my day. It's so amazing what one person can do with just a single small action. Each one of us can make such a difference in someone's day.... Let's take those opportunities when we see them, and create them when we don't see them.

Make the world a pleasanter place one action at a time.

One Year Later

2011-09-15T20:27:00.003-04:00

On Monday, I sat behind a table with a poster bearing the title "Creative Writing & Poetry Club" and a sign up sheet right next to it. It was the annual Stern College Club Fair, and I was there as the president of the Creative Writing & Poetry Club. My mind flashed back to last September, a year ago, when I was a freshman and had stayed late in Stern after classes to wander through the Club Fair. I had signed up then for a number of things -- so many clubs and organizations caught my attention. I also clearly remember the Creative Writing & Poetry Club's table and talking to the president about the club. And this year, there I was. President.

My first year in Stern was one of the most amazing times of my life -- being a part of so many things, becoming part of the Stern community, and getting to know such awesome people. And now I'm starting my second year here and I am very much looking forward to what it has in store for me.

The amount of things I am involved with on campus (in addition to all my classes and my participation in the Honors Program) unfortunately does not allow me to dedicate much time to blogging. I have been writing a lot though in other places. I am an Arts & Culture editor for the YU Beacon now, YU's new coed online newspaper. Some of the articles I've recently written for the Beacon include a review of the Discovery Center's Pompeii exhibit and fascinating Harry Potter exhibit (which I absolutely loved and hope all Harry Potter fans got to see), as well as a short article about my beloved Renaissance Faire (which I went to on Labor Day with my friends).

The Beacon has a lot of interesting articles and a new issue is released every other week, so I encourage everyone to check it out (especially since at this rate I think my writing will appear there more often than it does on my blog). I will still be blogging though, when time permits it.

Hope everyone's been doing well!

Social Responsibility

2011-08-14T01:29:00.012-04:00

With the release of the eighth and final Harry Potter movie this July (Deathly Hallows II), it seemed as if an era had come to a close. My friends and I had grown up with Harry Potter, and I remember eagerly awaiting the release of the last few books and devouring them as soon as they came out. It seemed appropriate to mark the occasion of the last movie's release by going to a midnight showing with a group of friends and dressing up like the nerd that I am. (Nowthat was a fun night.)

I also decided to read the seventh Harry Potter book again, realizing that I missed experiencing the magical feeling of the series. Also, as with any book, there are certain things that become more meaningful or clear when re-reading. This often happens as a result of one's own life experiences, which expand with every day and allow us to see things under a new light.

My favorite character in the series is Severus Snape, so when I see his name, I automatically pay more attention. This time, I zeroed in on the scene in the book where Harry Potter is looking into the Pensieve at Snape's memories towards the end of the book, after Snape has been killed.

Throughout his memories, there seems to be a common theme: Snape as the outsider. From the beginning, when he meets Lily and Petunia, he is shown as a friendless outsider, someone people either just don't want to associate with or actively persecute (such as James Potter and his friends).

There is one memory of Snape's in which he is in Hogwarts, talking to Lily Evans, and she is criticizing him for his choice of friends, whom she describes as "evil." Considering he didn't have any friends before except for Lily, it is interesting to observe that as soon as there is mention of him having friends they are "creepy" and "evil" and wannabe Death Eaters who want to join Voldemort. It's pretty obvious that joining Voldemort would be the first time people like Snape would have a place where they could belong and no longer feel inferior, a tempting opportunity for someone who has always been rejected and made to feel worthless. It's no surprise then when Snape joins the Death Eaters. It is, however, sad that he had to resort to that in order to feel a sense of belonging.

Now, Snape made his own life choices, and I am not denying his culpability. But I am wondering, how differently could things have turned out had his adolescence been a happier one?

And... what are the consequences when we as a society or as a community or simply as a group of friends decide that we have the right to reject someone for whatever reason, to make them feel unwelcome? Why do we fail to realize the effect that that can have on a person, either directly or indirectly in combination with other factors? People are affected by those around them and by what happens to them. Sometimes it takes a while to build up, but even the smallest things can become a part of us. We must be careful with our words and actions, because no matter how unimportant they may seem to us, they may mean a whole lot more to another person.

Hello Again

2011-07-22T15:33:00.000-04:00

I realize I've been rather silent lately. It is not because I have had nothing to say, but rather because there was too much to say and think about and I wasn't quite sure where to start, or whether to start. I try to keep a little divider between my blog and my real life and I am careful with what I share here, especially since this blog isn't anonymous.

Since my semester ended on May 25th, I've had a rather eventful summer. I think I could even say that I've had almost enough fun for one summer. I am definitely ready for the fall semester to start though; but I'll have to wait until August 31st for that. I miss Stern -- the classes, the friends, the Shabbatonim, the events and the fun.

I spent Shavuot in Washington DC with Ohev Sholom: The National Synagogue as part of YU's Torah Tours program, which was an amazing experience. The community was incredibly warm and welcoming, and I would love to go back there one day.

The rest of June and July I spent mostly in the city, meeting up with friends and relaxing for the first time since Pesach. My parents even went to Israel for a couple of weeks and I got a taste of independent life, which was nice. I've also been doing some writing, some of which I hope to be able to share at some point before the end of the summer.

There are a couple of topics I'd like to blog about (there's also a lot more to add to the homosexuality discussion), but for now I just wanted to say that I'm still here, still blogging, even if the posts are a bit slow in coming sometimes.

Enough is Enough

2011-06-29T23:20:00.000-04:00

The Jewish Press ran a piece by Elliot Resnick in their June 17th issue in which the author accused gay Jews of being "self-indulgent" and "shameless" for being openly homosexual, referring to the "It Gets Better" video on YouTube that was put together by a group of gay Jews. One of those gay Jews, as Resnick discovered, was a former camper of his, whom he nicknamed "Dovid." The full article can be read here.

In his article, Resnick rhetorically asks, "Why must you publicize your orientation for the whole world to know?" He is insinuating that it would be preferable for gay Jews to keep their sexual orientation a shameful secret rather than remove the miserable shackles of remaining in the closet. The logic here, I'm sure, is lost on Resnick because if he believes that one's sexual orientation isn't something that the world should know, how would he apply that to heterosexual Jews? He says, "Don't tens of thousands of Orthodox teenagers and young adults - to say nothing of older men and women who never married - struggle silently with their attraction to the opposite sex?" But how is that comparable? He is comparing a gay Jew who would keep his sexual orientation a secret to heterosexual Jews who do not talk about their struggles being celibate. But there is a major difference. First of all, heterosexual Jews are not made to feel ashamed of having feelings for the opposite sex. Nobody would chastise a heterosexual Jew for revealing that he/she is attracted to someone, or to a certain type of person, whereas Resnick believes that gay Jews should automatically just not talk about their attractions. Resnick fails to draw the line between attraction and sexual activity. Heterosexual Jews are not keeping it a secret that they are attracted to the opposite sex; why should gay Jews? Last time I checked, it is not a sin to be attracted to someone. It is also not a sin to discuss one's struggles. Why does Resnick think then that gay Jews should be shamed into silence?

And as a reader commenting under the nickname "Another Frum Gay Jew" pointed out, "It is not comparable to the heterosexual attempting to be celibate, because while that may be physically just as difficult- emotionally it's a whole different ballgame- with rejection from the family and the community, and keeping a secret that they can never discuss, feeling like they never fit in because all their friends are talking about marriage and women and who they are and are not attracted to- and the homosexual either has to say quiet, or worse, lie, for their entire lives."

Resnick's approach doesn't solve any problems; it only creates them. It creates an atmosphere of shame and suffering for gay Jews and it makes them feel unwelcome in the Orthodox community, even if they are committed to Judaism. Resnick asks about gay Jews, "Why can't they struggle silently and heroically as do so many others?" But I have a better question. Why should they? The "It Gets Better" video that Resnick was reacting to was done as a response to the bullying and the suffering that gay Jews have experienced. It was a message to other gay Jews that they do not have to despair or take desperate measures as so many others have done. As another reader explained about the video, "There was no mention of sex, or even dating -- no indulgences of any kind. The problem is not struggling with sexual attraction, but rather harassment, discrimination, violence, contempt, condemnation and ridicule and consequent fears of disappointing themselves, their friends, their families and G-d." And yet Resnick wants gay Jews to remain silent. Does he not realize that silence can mean more suffering and even death?

Resnick goes even further by making the following accusation: "But many Orthodox homosexuals seem uninterested in attaining spiritual greatness or in struggling with their feelings like so many of their brethren." He has no idea what gay Orthodox Jews have to go through on a daily basis, and yet he has no problem accusing them of being "uninterested in attaining spiritual greatness"? I know gay Jews who are committed to the Torah and work as hard as they can to reach greater spiritual heights. Why does Resnick assume that one's sexual orientation determines one's spirituality and that if an individual is open about his/her sexual orientation then they are uninterested in growing spiritually? It is an illogical and hateful accusation.

Resnick ends the article by labeling "Dovid" as having "descended down the wrong path" and calling for the community to prevent other individuals from doing the same. The wrong path? If Resnick is referring to the fact that Dovid openly acknowledges that he is gay, then accusing him of going down the wrong path is ridiculous, which should be clear without explaining.

~~~

Shortly after the article came out in The Jewish Press, "Dovid" published a response on FailedMessiah.com under his real name, Chaim Levin. In his response, Chaim addresses the issues raised in Resnick's article and sends a message of hope to other gay Jews who are struggling within their communities. Please read what he has to say here.

~~~

There is so much left to say about this topic (in future blog posts), but for now I will end off by reminding that not a single one of us is perfect or keeps every commandment of the Torah as we should. We all have areas in which we slip and fall, which we find difficult to keep. I know I do. Instead of going around and judging other people for their sexual orientation (which is not a sin in and of itself), we should focus on improving ourselves and doing what we can to be better Jews. Being hateful towards people who are suffering in the Jewish community is not the answer. Making our communities places where gay Jews can feel safe and comfortable is, however, a step in the right direction.

Breaking Free - part II: Standing Up for Justice

2011-05-18T04:37:00.006-04:00

In my previous post, I mentioned breaking free in terms of the choices you make -- not allowing others' perception of you stop you from being the person you feel you have to be and making the choices that are right for you. For me, breaking free has another component: being able to stand up for justice when you witness injustice.

In a way, it is easier to break free of the restraints other people impose on you when you are doing so for your own benefit, because you are frustrated enough with the way your life is that you are motivated to do something about it. There comes a point when you feel the need to stand up for yourself and say, "This is who I am; please understand that and stop telling me things like 'this isn't the person I know' or 'you aren't that kind of person.'" At some point you are able to tell people, "I'm sorry, but don't you think I would know what type of person I am better than you, since you don't know what goes on in my head?" When things like that happen, you feel a greater need to break free. The opinions of others matter to you, but not enough for you to keep sacrificing yourself and keeping your mouth shut.

But what about situations that are not about you but about someone else? While you would break free for yourself, would you do that for others? Would you consciously cast off the restraints that have shaped your life because your sense of justice is outraged by something you see happening to someone else? We're not talking about minor things, about telling someone off for some minor injustice. We're talking about issues that, if you take a certain stance, people are likely not only to judge you but to condemn and even attack you. While you would be motivated to stand up for what you believe in if it personally affected you, would you be brave enough to do that for other people? For the people in your life, and even for the people who are not in your life personally but are a part of the community you live in?

Fear keeps our mouths closed. We can believe in certain things, certain truths, we can mentally protest at the injustice that we witness, we can cry when we see what is happening, we can be passionate in our indignation, but are we brave enough to voice it? Or do we keep silent because our fear paralyzes us? Do we stand helplessly by as other people are hurt? When we know what is happening and every fiber of our being is protesting against it, why do we stand still? Are others' perceptions and expectations of us so important that we are willing to sacrifice truth, justice, honesty, and compassion? That we are willing to sacrifice people?

At what point do we ignore that fear and show where and with whom we stand, even when we know what kinds of reactions we will receive?

Breaking Free - part I

2011-05-16T00:29:00.007-04:00

Choices are not easy to begin with; you have to live with your choice and it can completely change the direction of your life, whether for good or bad. But at some point you feel ready to make that choice, because after much deliberation you have reached the conclusion that it is what is best for you. You've agonized, spent sleepless nights thinking, scrutinized all the choices before you, spoken to people who would understand where you're coming from. And you're ready. You're ready for yourself.

But you're not ready to be open about it, because the rest of the people in your life don't make it easy for you to make that decision even when you feel that it is right for the person you are, the person they have not yet gotten to know. It is a fact of life that people have a hard time reconciling the little child they knew to the person you are now. But the child they knew was only a product of his/her upbringing, still unable to make informed decisions at crucial moments. They were used to this child; this child did what he/she was expected to do, the child's ideals were in line with the adults' ideals, and aside from the occasional lapses in behavior, everything was fine.

The problem begins when the child becomes his/her own person, learns, reads, is exposed to new ideas, experiences the world, sees firsthand what life is about, meets new people, and starts to create his/her own understanding of how life should be lived.

This is about someone who is finding a place in the world, who wants to live with eyes and heart wide open. Naive? Idealistic? Perhaps. But also introspective, thoughtful, informed? Yes.

Children, as they grow up, need to be given space to be themselves. If you try too hard to choke them with your own truths, you will alienate them. But so many people don't understand this. They cannot accept it when they see that you are becoming your own person, making your own choices. They don't know you; they don't see what is going on inside your head. All they see is the child they knew.

That makes it more difficult to be the person you want to be, the person you know with every fiber of your being is you. You become so caught up with others' perception of you that you begin stunting your own growth. And that's not good.

At some point, the time comes to break free -- to be honest, to be truthful, to talk to people and know that you can be yourself; you do not have to pretend to be the person others expect you to be. Being honest with yourself is not enough; you have to be honest with the people in your life, with the world, both in your daily face-to-face interactions and your writing or whatever other forms of self-expression you may want to use.

Breaking free -- what does it mean to you?

Truth

2011-05-06T02:14:00.002-04:00

It is written in corners of pages

Always at the very back of notebooks

A place none but I flip through

A truth none but I see.

It is drawn in the margins

So small it is barely seen

So insignificant it never matters

To none but to me.

L'zman Ha'zeh

2011-04-18T13:23:00.002-04:00

It's April 2011, and I just realized that what it means is that I have been blogging for two years already. I was actually reminded of it by SternGrad's post, since she's also celebrating her blogoversary. It's been a great two years, and I am glad that I decided to start a blog back then. Big thank you to my readers for making it worth it and for giving me a reason to blog.

Chag sameach!

EVENT -- Jews and Jewish Culture in New Media

2011-04-15T17:02:00.003-04:00

Hello fellow bloggers,

The Yeshiva University Museum is going to be hosting an exciting event for emerging writers, bloggers, and journalists on May 11th, 6-8 PM. The museum is located at 15 West 16th Street in Manhattan. Put this in your calendars, as it's not an event you'd want to miss. I'll be there and hope to see all of you.

Here is the information:

Jews & Jewish Culture in New Media: A Forum for Emerging Writers, Bloggers & Journalists

The popularity and influence of emerging media is empowering a new generation to question, challenge and raise their voices in unprecedented ways. It has fueled rebellions and revolutions around the world, and offers an exciting and ever-expanding reevaluation and re-articulation of culture. This issue is of crucial importance for Jewish culture and society.

The Yeshiva University Museum is excited to host an informal, open forum for emerging writers, bloggers, and others engaged with Jewish culture through New Media. We will meet May 11 from 6-8pm to tour the Yeshiva University Museum galleries and discuss Jewish topics in new media. Together, we’ll evaluate, critique and debate such topics as: how new media effects our understanding of Jewish culture, ethics in writing about Jewish communal and culture topics, preservation and redefinition of tradition through writing, and how Jewish topics are, should and shouldn’t be addressed.

Please RSVP to chersh@yum.cjh.org or call 212-294-8330 x 8808

Also, please forward this invitation to other bloggers and writers you know who might be interested in this. The Facebook event can be found here.

Looking forward to seeing you there!

Matchmaker, Matchmaker

2011-04-10T04:02:00.000-04:00

I have wanted for a while to write about some of the issues in the dating system in today's Orthodox world, and although I have started writing a blog post about it (I'll post that one eventually), something I recently read provoked me to write this one, which I'll post first. This post might come across as judgmental and condescending to some people. If you're the type of person who dislikes that, feel free not to read it.

In last week's issue of the Jewish Press (April 1, 2011), the writers of a column titled 'A Dating Primer' wrote about how singles these days don't set each other up as they used to in the past. Apparently, singles used to look out for each other much better then than they do now. As an example, the writers mentioned two sisters, one of whom started dating about 8 years ago. Her friends set her up with guys, and she was able to find a husband within 2 years. In contrast, her younger sister, who is dating now, does not get set up by her friends. People aren't asking to set her up, while her sister used to get suggestions even before she started dating. The writers of the column suggest that because of this, the girl is "in the midst of a long 'drought' -- she has not had a date in a year."

This girl hasn't had a date in a year because her friends aren't setting her up? Am I the only one rolling my eyes at this?

I don't know if the article was using a hypothetical situation to make a point or was discussing an actual person, but whatever the case may be, it sounds unreasonable to say that the reason a girl has not had a date in a year is because her friends aren't setting her up. This implies that she is incapable of doing something for herself and her relationship status depends entirely on her friends.

Here's a novel idea. She can actually do something for herself instead of waiting for others to do it for her. She can go to a singles Shabbaton, sign herself up for a (*gasp*) dating site, go to places where there are other Jewish singles, and actually meet people. These are perfectly legitimate ways of meeting a guy, and if she was seriously looking to get married, she would look into these possibilities.

I understand that some people in the Orthodox community feel uncomfortable with dating someone they were not 'set up' with, but at what cost? If this system doesn't work, why not explore other options? It is unfair to blame this girl's friends for the fact that she hasn't had a date in a year. How about allowing her to take some of the responsibility?

I have a lot more to write on the subject, but first I would like to ask my readers to weigh in. What do you think about shidduchim vs. dating without an intermediary? What do you see as the pros and cons of both based on your own experience? Which do you prefer and why?

That Within Which Passeth Show

2011-03-21T21:26:00.006-04:00

As I am writing this blog post, I am sitting in the auditorium of the Schottenstein Cultural Center, hearing Hamlet's desperate voice ringing from the stage. Rehearsals for Stern College Dramatics Society's spring 2011 production of Shakespeare's Hamlet are in progress, and we actresses are scattered across the empty auditorium, while Hamlet paces and ponders onstage.

Stern College has a rather rigorous academic program and a dual curriculum that takes up a lot of time and energy. Tests, assignments, essays, projects -- they all seem to be never-ending. Just as you think you've got a handle on it and you figure out how to balance everything, something new comes along. Another assignment, an unexpected piece of homework that disrupts your fantasy vision of an actual social life. With all of this, it's difficult to find time for other things -- especially something that requires a major time commitment like acting in a play. Rehearsals start after classes and end progressively later as opening night approaches. In a place like Stern College, balancing schoolwork and a play means that you are sacrificing all of your spare time, using every minute between classes or when you are not on stage to do your homework and study for midterms. It's definitely not for the weak of heart. So you can be sure that the actresses who are playing in SCDS's production of Hamlet are in it because they care about it, because they are ready to give it their all so that the show will be a success.

With that said, I would like to invite all of you to come see Hamlet! The show dates are Monday, March 28th and Tuesday, March 29th, at 7:30 PM, in the Schottenstein Cultural Center in Manhattan on 34th street, between 2nd and 3rd Avenue. Everyone is welcome -- men and women. You can reserve tickets in advance and get them at a discount by emailing sterndramatics@gmail.com (students - $10, general - $12), or buy tickets at regular price at the door on the day of the show (students - $12, general - $14).

I am playing Barnardo in the show, and I would love to see all of you in the audience!

!!PURIM SPIRIT!!

2011-03-08T21:07:00.002-05:00

When I was little, Purim contained a sort of magic for me. The costumes, the music, the dancing, the sheer joy. Purim created the kind of special memories that would stay with me and put a smile on my face years later. This year, however, having midterms right before and another test the day after Purim is putting a bit of a damper on it. So... for all those who need to get into the Purim spirit, check out the Maccabeats' new music video, and raise your glass. ;]

This makes me rather proud of being part of Yeshiva University.

So raise your glass if you see God in hidden places,
He's right in front of you,
We will never be never be anything but proud to tell our story
v'nahafoch hu.

Observer - Under Your Parents' Roof

2011-03-07T18:04:00.001-05:00

The current issue of the Observer (March 2011) has an article about Stern College students who commute, titled Under Your Parents' Roof. I was interviewed and quoted throughout the article, so check it out. :]

Honesty? No, thanks.

2011-03-06T22:50:00.004-05:00

I was browsing a Jewish classifieds website today, looking for a possible part-time job opportunity. Truthfully, I don't have that much time in my schedule right now, especially with midterms coming up this week and all the other work that has been piled on, but my usual reaction to discovering that I don't have the money to permit myself even a cheap shopping trip is to start looking for sources of income. As I was looking at the different ads, once caught my eye. The title was "Writers needed." Perfect, I thought. I'm a writer, and writing gigs are generally short and sweet and convenient. So I read on. This is what the ad said:

If you love writing, have a bachelor's degree, and are very flexible in schedule, please email me your writing sample of a college paper as well as your phone number and availability. Disclaimer: This job involves writing essays for college students that are either too busy, too tired, unwilling, or otherwise unable to write their own, so if you worship Rabeinu University and feel that this is wrong morally, ethically, or halachically (it is not!) , please don't apply to this ad or write letters sharing your concerns.

When I got to the part about sending in a sample college essay so they can determine whether you are good for the job or not, I became a bit suspicious. By the time I finished reading the ad, I was fuming.

I was angry not just because of the idea of having other people write your papers for you. I am aware that this kind of cheating is, unfortunately, common in colleges because there are plenty of students who would rather give money than do the work and feel they can buy their way through college. I don't particularly care what the excuse is, although the person who wrote this ad listed several -- that students might be busy, tired, unwilling, or unable to write their college papers so they employ the help of a paid writer to write these essays for them. My belief is that if you are in college, you should be doing your own work. If you're incapable of doing it, then why should you still get the same grades as someone who puts in hours of their time into an essay? Grades are supposed to reflect your abilities as a student and your grasp of the material and the basics of the English language, not your ability to pay. Does this sound harsh? Yes, it does. But I am not apologizing for it, because that is how I see it.

What made me especially angry about this ad was the way it addressed Jewish law and values. What gives this person the right to state that helping students cheat is not morally, ethically, or halakhically wrong? Sure, it's a great way to prevent people from feeling guilty for working for them or receiving help from them, but where is the truth in this person's claim that it is perfectly all right to do this? What happened to honesty, which -- last time I checked -- was a value that is supposed to be important to Jews who believe in the Torah and in emulating G-d?

I wrote about the issue of copying homework nearly two years ago, back when I was in high school and had just started this blog. You can read that post here.

Also, I read a while ago a very interesting article titled The Shadow Scholar, about a writer whose main source of income is writing essays for college students. At times I found myself shaking my head in disbelief as I read all the things he does. He takes online courses for the students in order to write essays. He does papers on all different subjects for both undergraduate and graduate students.

I have a lot to say on this subject. I could rant about it for pages. But what I really want is to hear what others think. Am I the only one whose blood boils when I read things like these? Does anyone know someone who has taken advantage of these services? Also, are there any practical solutions to combat this in colleges?

Narrow Miss

2011-02-25T15:26:00.001-05:00

There was an article in the Jewish Press at the beginning of the month about a controversial anti-Israel professor in Brooklyn College being reinstated after being told that he cannot teach at the college because he would not be able to present the seminar on Middle East politics in a fair and unbiased manner. This is not the first time I have read about tension in Brooklyn College between anti-Israel professors and students and the pro-Israel Jewish students. At the beginning of the academic year, a number of my friends were complaining about being assigned to read Moustafa Bayoumi's pro-Palestinian book, How Does It Feel to be a Problem? Being Young and Arab in America. This book was required reading for all incoming freshman, making many Jewish students feel uncomfortable. Anti-Israel feelings are nothing new when it comes to Brooklyn College.

Two years ago, I was sure that I would be going to Brooklyn College. That was the only college I was planning on applying to. Now, when I am in Stern College and reading/hearing all these things about life in Brooklyn College, I feel so relieved and fortunate that I am in Stern. I am truly grateful that there is a college where Jewish students do not have to worry about anti-Israel professors or events or sentiments. It is a safe place where students can flourish, focus on their Jewish identity, and be able to learn from each other and grow. Being here has helped me appreciate what it means to be a thinking, practicing Jew without being made to feel uncomfortable for it.

I have many friends who are in Brooklyn College right now, and one who is an active advocate for Israel. Her strength and determination amaze me because she doesn't back down and isn't afraid to stand up for what she believes in. If I was a student at Brooklyn College, I don't know if I would be able to have that kind of strength. I would probably just go to my classes, do my work, and not be involved in campus life any more than I absolutely had to.

I believe that Stern is definitely the right place for me, because I can be involved on campus, I can feel part of everything that is going on, and I feel safe to explore my identity in an open, warm, encouraging environment where everyone is in the same boat.

Worlds... The Transition from High School to College

2011-02-24T16:29:00.000-05:00

The Jewish Press recently published a piece I wrote, which was inspired by my transition from a high school student to a college student studying in the heart of Manhattan.

Read it here.

Hurrah for YU!

2011-02-11T03:51:00.006-05:00

Since I started the spring semester I haven't had much time to blog, since I was kept quite busy by a heavy load of classes and a liberal amount of extracurricular activities. Barely having a moment to breathe has its advantages though, and I think I like it, despite the sleep deprivation and all. When there is so much to do and so little time, you don't stop to think and you don't have time to waste on complaining and feeling down. You just have to jump straight into it and work, work, work, juggling multiple projects and assignments and trying to accomplish everything in the short amount of time given. Sometimes I wonder why I take on so many things at once if my free time is almost inexistent as it is, but I think I know the answer.... It makes me feel like I am accomplishing something, and that gives me encouragement and motivates me to do more and to achieve more. All of the experiences are rewarding, and I want to make the most of my four years in Stern.

And then, in addition to all of my usual activities and responsibilities, I often dedicate my evenings to various events on campus. It's shaping up to be a pretty busy month already! Here are some of the things that have been going on....

On Monday, February 7th, Rabbi Natan Slifkin came to speak a nearly full audience of Yeshiva University students about heresy and what it is. I found it very interesting and am grateful to the students who organized this event. I love it when such awesome things as this happen at YU. You can learn more about Rabbi Slifkin on his website or by reading his blog.

Another thing that has been happening at YU is the Seforim Sale -- a book-lover's heaven that is advertised as "the largest Jewish book sale in North America." It is open until February 27th, and the hours are on their website. Seriously, every Jew living in the NY area should visit the Seforim Sale at least once. They have a large catalog of books, seforim, and CDs, and the prices are much lower than in regular bookstores. I've already been there twice this month and hope to go at least twice more before it is over. I will hopefully be there doing something on February 21st and 23rd, so come over and say hi.

What made the sale even more awesome today was a performance by the acapella group Six13. Of all the Jewish groups out there, Six13 has been my favorite for years so seeing them perform live was rather exciting.

Also, a new exhibit by Sebastian Mendes called "There is a Mirror in My Heart: Reflections on a Righteous Grandfather" opened at the Yeshiva University Museum, in addition to the Ruth Schreiber "Letters from my Grandparents" exhibit that opened last month. The Zero to Ten: Decades gallery is also open, with many fascinating things on display. I am IY"H going to be giving a short tour through the museum on Sunday, February 27th at 2 PM, so feel free to stop by! Entrance is free for YU students with ID.

As you can see, there are many exciting things going on now and never a dull moment, B"H. It's all good!

My destination of choice for winter break

2011-01-22T22:41:00.001-05:00

The two most popular winter break destinations among my friends are Florida and Israel, where it is warm and the sun is shining and coats and scarves and boots are unnecessary. They sound like pretty logical destinations during the cold winters that are typical of New York, and especially during this one, when we've had 3 snowfalls within the course of a single month.

As most of my friends must have realized by now, I'm not the type of person to do something typical. Nor do I get as excited about sunny, hot days as others do (which has earned me a reputation as a bit of a vampire). So I thought it would be a good idea to go to Boston with my friend. And it was -- until we almost got snowed in there. As soon as I returned from Boston, I decided that staying in Brooklyn wasn't a way to spend one's winter break, so I impulsively planned another little getaway to Philadelphia, which is one of my favorite cities in America (after Manhattan, of course). I managed to get back to NY before the third snowfall of the season.

I never really needed to use public transportation anywhere other than in New York, and I was pleasantly surprised and rather charmed by Boston's public transportation system, which we used throughout our trip to get to wherever we wanted to go.

Boston is a beautiful old city with such an important history. My friend and I went to see some of the historic sites, such as the site of the Boston Massacre, the Old State House, and the Old South Meeting House, which played an important role in the Boston Tea Party. The colonists who started the Boston Tea Party met inside this house. There is also a sign inside the meeting room that indicates where President Washington once stood.

We wandered around the Faneuil marketplace and found some lovely outdoor sculptures randomly standing or sitting on park benches. We then went to see the New England Holocaust Memorial, which is made of a few tall glass towers. It was quite sobering to walk through them and read the quotes printed inside. The memorial was right near an old-looking street with cobblestones, so we walked around since we had some extra time.

We also visited Harvard, which was beautiful, but somehow not as grand as we had imagined it to be. Although perhaps that might be because we were expecting something like Hogwarts, haha.

At some point, we found ourselves on the trolley with extra time on our hands, so we impulsively stopped by Boston Common and wandered around the theater district. We also went to the Skyline Observatory on the 50th floor of the Prudential Center to see all of Boston spread out beneath us, and we watched the sunset from there and then also got to see Boston all lit up at night.

And of course, no trip is ever complete in my mind without a visit to an art museum -- and ok, I admit it, the main reason I wanted to go to Boston was because I heard it had a great art museum -- so the last day of the Boston trip was dedicated to art, art, art. Boston's Museum of Fine Arts was wonderful and had a beautiful collection of American art. Seeing Childe Hassam's painting of Boston Common was especially delightful considering we had just been there the day before. What I loved about the museum was that there were many paintings of Boston and its history, which were fascinating to see. The museum also had a large collection of Renoir and Monet paintings, and of course, the necessary Degas and Rodin sculptures, which always make me smile.

After the Museum of Fine Arts, I walked to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum, which looks like a regular old unimpressive building from the outside but has an interior that is gorgeous beyond words. It has an indoor courtyard where I felt I could sit for hours, just dreaming and drawing and writing. And since they had a strict no-photography policy, I did find it necessary to do some sketching. It is simply breathtakingly beautiful and if anyone ever goes to Boston, this is a must-see. Seriously. Aside from the Museum of Fine Arts, it was my favorite thing about Boston. They are currently building a new wing, which should open in 2012, and if I ever return to Boston, this will be the first thing on my list of places to see. (And in my adoration for the courtyard, I neglected to mention that it also has a fine collection of art and antiques and furnished rooms.)

Although I originally planned to stay in Boston through Wednesday, Megabus sent me an email saying that my bus had been canceled due to the upcoming snowstorm. I got this email when I came back from the museums, at nearly 7 PM. Uh oh. Well, by 8 PM I was on a Chinatown bus to NY, with the help of my amazing hostess who rushed me to the bus station just in time. I don't think I ever packed all my things so quickly as I did then in order to make it in time.

I returned to NY in the middle of the snowstorm, when the roads were already filling up with snow. And that was my traveling adventure for my 2011 winter break. Or so I thought, until I was browsing the Megabus site and saw that I could get free tickets to Philadelphia for the following week. It was very, very, very tempting, since I love Philadelphia very much and have already been there 4 times in the past. And of course, it has a major art museum. Can you tell where this is headed? ;] At first, I thought that it would just have to remain a dream for now because I had only just returned to NY. But then I figured -- why not? I still had a week and a half of vacation left, and it was free, and why not enjoy myself? I quickly began working on making it a reality.

And so, this past Tuesday, I found myself on a bus to Philadelphia with another one of my friends. I was a bit overexcited about the prospect of being in Philly again, which even the drowsy side effects of Dramamine couldn't extinguish. I am glad my friend put up with it. :]

Since I have already been to Philadelphia 4 times and plan to return there a few times in the future, there wasn't much pressure to see everything during this trip. So we made it short and sweet and just focused on the Philadelphia Museum of Art, which was amazing and beautiful and included me taking a picture with Marc Chagall's self-portrait. <3

I want to return to Philadelphia again in the near future and go to the Museum of Art again as well as a few other places I haven't seen yet. Actually, if possible, I would like to make trips to Philadelphia a yearly ritual. :] Who's up for being my travel buddy?

The sun'll come out.. tomorrow.. bet your bottom dollar.. that tomorrow.. there'll be sun

2011-01-15T21:41:00.000-05:00

Remember Annie? Annie is the ray of sunshine that entered my life a few years ago and found her way into my heart. She is beautiful, inside and out, and just as she brings a smile to my face when I see her, so too I wish for her to have a life full of happiness and all the very best. This is for Annie....

Life has its ups and downs, but it's important to remember that there will always be an 'up' and that this rollercoaster has to climb up too. And yes, life throws things at us that we are often completely unprepared to handle, but we do not have to handle them alone. There are times when we want to give up, when life becomes overwhelming, but this too shall pass.

The strong, resilient, brave individual that I know will pass through this and become stronger than ever and will go on to succeed and achieve great things and win the love and admiration of many more people -- because I believe that she can.

So keep your head up, for tomorrow is another day. Never forget that you are an amazing and unique individual with a lot to offer the world, and you'll shine. <3

Writer's Block

2011-01-14T05:00:00.008-05:00

In life, you want to have progress. You want to continue to always get better at what you do and work harder and achieve more. But sometimes, no matter how much you want it, it's difficult and you become frustrated because you just don't know what to do. Well, that's how I feel right now about my creativity.

I used to write every day. I could become wrapped up in a novel and work on it for months and pour all of my energy and thought into it. I could write ten short stories in a week -- stories that I would put away in a folder somewhere and then find a year later and think, "Wow, this is actually pretty good! I like it! Did I really write this?"

Well, that was then. Now, I can't remember when was the last time I wrote a short story or worked on my novel. Now it's just blog posts, articles, essays, journals. Mundane things that generally contain barely any creativity. Sure, it comes easily to me -- but it's not what I am passionate about. Writing fiction used to make me feel so alive and excited! I would start writing a story and get lost in it, forgetting everything around me, tuning out the whole world, and just existing in one where I could create the rules.

I think I realized partially now what has changed and why I haven't been able to do that for a while. When I used to write before, it was because there was something in my life that I wished could be different, and I expressed that through my writing. I would create a world in which it was different, where it was the way I wanted it to be. Anything I wanted could come into existence through my pen, and I took advantage of that opportunity. If I wasn't feeling so happy and wanted to escape from reality for a bit, I knew where to go. Even when I was just bored out of my mind during some classes, I knew that I could find adventure without disturbing anyone. Writing made me happy; it was intoxicating for me.

As you can probably tell from some of my recent posts in which I'm on a Stern-high, I haven't really felt compelled to change my life recently. The past few months have been the best ones of my life so far, and I'm living and enjoying life to the fullest. An unfortunate side-effect of that is writer's block. Anger, pain, sadness -- they're all so easy to translate into writing. I can use those feelings in order to throw myself deeper into the stories I'm writing. But happiness, satisfaction, serenity? They seem to achieve the opposite effect.

I am thankful that my life is at such a good point right now. But I miss that feeling of writing because I feel I need to, that intense feeling that compels me to write and to create. Quite frankly, I'm at a bit of a loss right now as to how to regain that feeling and made it coexist with my current happy state of mind.

In the words of Jim Boggia, whose songs are among the most meaningful in my iTunes library, "‘Cause I can wax philosophic/‘bout my troubles and my pain./Go on and on and on/when I’ve got reason to complain" and "I used to spend a lot of time thinking about the way things might have been./That kind of thing often inspired me to sit down with paper and a pen." Check out the song on iTunes -- it's called 'Made Me So Happy,' and I absolutely love it.

I'm Baaack (or 'Return of the Freshman')

2011-01-06T17:16:00.001-05:00

I took my last final of the semester on Tuesday and submitted my last philosophy paper (which was very interesting to write even though I was rather short on time), and that means that I am now done with my first semester at college. Yay! :] This calls for a celebration! My first semester at Stern flew by pretty quickly, and those few months were some of the best in my life. I took fascinating new subjects, met interesting people and made amazing friends, got involved with a number of clubs, and got barely any sleep during the week because there was always just so much to do! And now I get nearly three weeks to take a few deep breaths and rest before jumping into my second semester.

You know, I spent part of this past summer wishing it would pass by quicker so that I could finally be in Stern. I couldn't wait to start this new adventure and experience Stern, but sometimes I wondered how disappointed I would be if the reality didn't live up to my dreams. Reality is almost never as perfect as a dream, and it would be ridiculous to expect it. But the past few months really have been a dream, and I can't remember when I have been happier in my life. In Stern, I can be running on less than 3 hours of sleep a night and yet I will still walk down the street to college with a huge smile on my face and humming a song to myself, thanking G-d for being alive. I'm happy here.... Sure, I spend about two hours in total each day on the commute and I stay up late at night writing long papers and studying, but life's good. It's this indescribable floating feeling, almost as if I have wings and am soaring.

When I was registering for classes in August, I figured I would take it easy my first semester and get used to college first. So I only took 6 courses, thinking that would be enough at first. Well, I found that 6 courses left me with plenty of free time, especially since midterms hadn't started yet. So I went ahead and joined a few clubs and got involved with many extracurricular activities and found new ways of filling up my time. And because I like looking back, here is a breakdown of what I've been doing these past few months...

~ I took some very rewarding courses -- Samuel I, Intro to Talmud, Hebrew, Great Ideas of Philosophy, French, and Historiography. I don't think I ever worked as hard for any other class as I did for that last one. It involved extensive readings twice a week and four 6-page papers over the course of the semester. I would finish those papers close to 6:30 AM, when my father would be leaving for work. He felt bad for me that I was going to sleep so late, and I felt bad for him that he was waking up and going to work that early. The bottom line is that 6:30 AM is not a good time to be up, but we all do what we have to do. Let me just say that the A I got in historiography was the most hard-earned A of my life so far. It's actually good in a way -- I can be proud of myself for it because I feel as if I really deserve it.

~ I made friends with so many people from all over the world and I feel so blessed to have them in my life now. There used to be times in my life where I felt I couldn't share certain things with my friends just because our interests were so different and even though they might patiently listen because they were my friends and cared about me, they wouldn't fully understand where I'm coming from. Well, the student body at Stern is huge and there are girls from all different walks of life and I've already met some that have become such good friends to me. They make me feel so comfortable around them, and I feel I can trust them with anything. There are some girls who gladly invited me to stay with them when I wanted to spend Shabbat in Stern or had to be in the city late and needed a place to stay.

~ I started giving docent tours at the Yeshiva University Museum, which has also been a very rewarding experience so far. In order to give tours, I first had to study the exhibits and learn more about them, which was interesting and gave me an opportunity to learn so many new things.

~ I became a board member of the Creative Writing & Poetry Club in Stern. I was so excited when I heard that such a club even existed, because it is pretty much a dream come true for me. We had some awesome, fun events already and hopefully next semester will be awesome too.

~ I wrote my first article for Stern's official student newspaper, The Observer, and it was published in the December issue.

~ I learned of the existence of the Russian Club in Stern, which put such a huge smile on my face because I love bonding with fellow Russians. Actually, I have met so many Russian people in Stern with whom I felt an automatic connection. It's funny because in all other colleges, Jews automatically feel connected to the other Jews in their classes because they have something in common, while in Stern everyone is Jewish so you have to narrow it down a bit.

~ I went on a scavenger hunt with some other students at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Although I've been to the museum many times over the past few years and know it almost inside out, that was a completely different experience and it was a lot of fun!

~ I spent Shabbat in Stern 4 times and loved it each time. Kabbalat Shabbat in Stern can be one of the most beautiful experiences ever. The only thing that took some adjusting to is the fact that I was walking around Manhattan on Shabbat. I kept thinking, "Hold on... but this is the place where I go to classes and go shopping and go to Broadway shows. And now I'm here on Shabbat? Odd..."

~ I took a YU shuttle for the first time in order to go up to Yeshiva University in Washington Heights to see the YCDS's production of The Andersonville Trial. The play was well-done and so incredibly intense. Walking back to the subway afterwards late at night and getting lost in Washington Heights was also intense, but in a different way. (I am not planning on repeating that experience.)

~ I joined the crew of the Stern College Dramatic Society's production of Pirates of Penzance as the props master... and, well, the go-to person whenever there is running to be done. I think one night during rehearsals I went to CVS three times in the course of two or three hours. By the end of the week, I was getting amused looks from the cashiers. (The look I got when I went to CVS twice within the course of half an hour was priceless.) Being a part of SCDS was the most awesome thing ever though. The people who were part of it were so welcoming and fun to work with, even though I was the freshman newbie and all. I was in awe of the incredible talent that girls possessed and it was inspiring to see their dedication and the work both the cast and the crew put into the show. Honestly, by the end of it all we felt like one big happy (sometimes dysfunctional) family, and I love it. We spent the Shabbat before the first performance together, which ranks among the most amazing ones in my life. And of course, with most of the people there being talented singers, you can imagine that the rendition of Eishet Chayil was the most beautiful one ever. But above all, I had such a good time just being with these girls (or, to follow Stern's language policy, women), smiling and laughing and singing, and getting to know everyone and finding people who are like my soul twins. I love my SCDS rockstars. :]

~ And last but certainly not least... I neglected my blog. Yes, I'm sorry. Two posts a month just isn't going to cut it. It's not that I have little to say -- there are a lot of things I'd like to write about and want to share, but I always seem to find other things that I need/want to do. I'm going to try to get myself back into blog-writing mode, so look for some more posts in the near future. :]

And for those who actually got through this whole long post and read everything -- I have to say, you are true friends. For those who can't get through all that, here is the CliffNotes version (and I'm sure you're still true friends, just very impatient or busy ones): I have spent a semester at Stern that might as well have come straight out of a movie and I love Stern and I love Stern students and I'm involved in a bunch of things in Stern and my life revolves around Stern. There. :]

Zzzzzzzzz...

2010-12-25T22:35:00.006-05:00

I just read an interesting article in the Jewish Press by Blimi Westreich on sleep deprivation and whether or not waking up early makes one more productive. You can read the full article online. Basically, she uses surveys, expert sources (such as researchers and neurosurgeons) to say that teenagers are less likely to do well in school early in the mornings and cannot reach their potential in morning classes because "teens don't reach their full level of alertness until the afternoon." There has been a movement to make school begin later in the day and the schools that have implemented this have announced good results, including higher attendance, better grades, lower drop-out rates, and fewer cases of depression. Students were happy that they did not have to wake up as early, parents were happy that their teenagers became at least slightly less irritable, and teachers were happy because students were no longer as likely to fall asleep in their classes and showed up alert to first-period classes.

While I cannot verify this information and don't know if it is fully accurate or not, it does make a lot of sense. I used to have to wake up at 7:30 AM every morning to go to school. That actually isn't so bad compared to what some of my friends had to do in order to commute to school, but for me it was very unpleasant nevertheless. I am the type of person who enjoys learning and therefore doesn't mind spending long hours in school (my high school hours were from 8:30 AM to 5:05 PM), but I must admit that waking up early made me pretty miserable and irritable.

When I got to college and had the ability to set my own hours and decide when I want to start classes every day, you can be sure that I opted for the later classes. During my first semester, I started classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 10:30 AM (waking up at 8:15) and on Mondays and Wednesdays at 11:55 AM (waking up at 9:45). Although I was not waking up that much later than I had in high school, it did make somewhat of a difference, as did starting classes later. Once I wake up I have more time to orient myself and get myself together. I have time for tea and breakfast and I can have a nice morning chat with my mom before going off to college. I then have a 40-minute ride on the train during which I can either nap or do whatever work I had not yet finished (usually reading assignments). I also take a 15-minute walk from the train to college, and by the time that is all over, I am pretty awake and alert and able to learn during my first class. Contrast that to high school, when I would pull myself out of bed, rush through my morning routine, skip breakfast, and hurry out of the house so I could be in school by 8:30. Sure, I could have woken up earlier for high school to give myself time for breakfast and everything else, but it just didn't seem worth it.

I am not getting more sleep now that I am in college than when I was in high school. If anything, I am getting less. But I feel more energetic overall and am more alert in class, so I definitely think there is something to the idea. Anyway, it was just something interesting I read that I wanted to share with others. :]

You know you're in Stern...

2010-12-01T03:04:00.003-05:00

...when the whole day all you hear is girls talking about the Maccabeats' new video, singing the song, or singing 'One Day.' Sitting on a couch in the lobby, I hear someone passing by singing 'One Day' aloud and then returning a few minutes later and still singing. I come into class only to find that the Maccabeats are being discussed there too. The same thing occurs in the elevator... and in the hallways... and just about everywhere else, until at some point it seems to me as if Stern students cannot talk about much else. So, I figured, what kind of Stern student would I be if I didn't even mention their latest hit on my blog?

For the few people who have not yet seen the Maccabeats' newest video and need to get into the holiday spirit, here it is! It's quite catchy and has some really funny moments. Enjoy! :]

Happy Chanuka! :]

Hello, Stranger

2010-11-30T01:22:00.003-05:00

It's been a while since I could actually sit down to write a real blog post (apart from the one on Stern College). Well, my only excuse is that this has been one of the busiest months this year for me. It started off with midterms, reached a high point with my best friend's wedding, and is now ending off with even more work and running around to do.

A new exhibit opened at the Yeshiva University Museum recently which celebrates the first ten years in that new building. The exhibit, Zero to Ten, features a lot of awesome pieces from the museum's collection, including the Baal Shem Tov's Torah, a letter written by Thomas Jefferson to a Jew, ancient books, and other pieces of Jewish history. I gave a tour of the museum on Sunday, which was nice and gave me the opportunity to interact with some interesting people who had a lot to add to the conversation. I love hearing everyone's outlook because every individual has his/her own unique perspective based on personal experience. Anyway, I encourage you to check out this new exhibit, as well as the other ones that are up now -- Andi Arnovitz's works and the 16mm Postcards exhibit of pre-war Poland.

In other news, my birthday is later this week -- December 3rd. I've been so wrapped up in day-to-day life that I didn't fully realize how soon it was. Birthday, Chanuka, a truckload of assignments and events at Stern... Yep, life is fun. :]

Mark Your Calendars -- Stern Open House!

2010-11-05T01:41:00.001-04:00

STERN COLLEGE is having an open house on November 14th (from 9:15 AM to 2 PM), and I highly encourage anyone in the process of choosing a college to stop by and check it out! It's actually a bit strange thinking about college applications for the next year now because it feels as if I was just there myself. Let's just say that I don't miss the application days and the whole process of planning out the next four years of my life. Now that they're already planned out though, I could not be happier with where I am right now.

There are some girls who know from the beginning which college they want to go to. There are also girls who apply to many different colleges and don't know for sure which one they would prefer. And then, there are girls who know from the very beginning where they want to go and then find their plans crumbling beneath their feet in the face of a new idea. I belong to the third category. For years, I knew that I would be going to Brooklyn College to pursue my English degree. All those plans were overturned in November of 12th grade, when I suddenly decided that I would rather go to Stern and take advantage of its dual curriculum. So whichever category you fall into, I strongly encourage you to visit Stern on the 14th and see if it might be the right place for you. There are opportunities for everyone there, both socially and academically.

First and foremost, I would like to refer you to a comprehensive guide to Stern by a recent alumnus, Chana at The Curious Jew. This is required reading for anyone applying to college, and especially for those who are already considering Stern. I read that post over a couple of times before applying, and I found that it explained so much about all the different aspects of Stern College. Chana also has many posts about the different happenings and classes in Stern, as well as notes from her classes and transcripts of lectures and events.

There are a few things I want to add to Chana's guide.

Chana mentioned "the seminary issue" -- she had not spent a year in seminary before going to Stern and others found that surprising and questioned her about it. What I've found is that with each year there is an increase in the number of "true freshmen" such as Chana, who come to Stern immediately after high school. At this point, it is so normal that nobody blinks an eye. Plenty of people have asked me where I was last year, but none of them really reacted when I said that I was in high school. In fact, I was surprised. I had already been expecting the questions and was fully prepared with the answers, but everyone else seemed to accept it and didn't ask any questions. As far as I can recall, only one person actually asked why I chose not to go to seminary. If you wish to come to Stern directly from high school as I did, you do not have to worry about not 'fitting in' or not finding your group. What I've heard from some girls is that they prefer to go to seminary first and find their group there so that they are prepared for the Stern social scene. None of my high school classmates are currently in Stern, and I actually think it's great because it pushes me to go out and meet new friends instead of sticking to my comfort zone. In the course of two months, I've already made many friends and had so much fun with them. So it doesn't matter whether or not you go to seminary; Stern students won't judge you for that. There was just an article in the Observer (Stern's official student newsspaper) on "The Seminary Effect," which is worth a read.

Another point I want to bring up is level of religious observance and knowledge. You do not need a strong background in Judaic Studies in order to succeed at Stern. All new students take a written placement exam in Hebrew that determines their level and places them into classes accordingly. During orientation there are also oral placement tests for Torah and Jewish law, where they basically want to see if you can read a verse from the Torah and understand Rashi's question on it and his explanation, and if you can read from a sefer on Jewish law and understand it. No matter what your level, there are amazing classes that are geared toward you. There is the Mechinah/Basic Jewish Studies program for those with a limited background in Judaic Studies. I don't know much about it, but I have a few friends who are part of it, so I can definitely find out more for those who are interested. So whether you come from a Bais Yaakov-type school or a public school or anything in between, there's a place in Stern just for you!

There is such a variety of academic programs being offered in Stern. I was surprised to find that Stern apparently has an engineering department, but it just goes to show that there are a lot of different options for students here. If you would like to find out more about the academic departments in Stern, visit the website for a full list of programs and come to the open house, where you can meet professors from different departments and have your questions answered.

Another aspect of Stern that I love is the mass of opportunities to get involved on campus. You can start as soon as you begin your college journey, and the sooner you get involved, the more you will enjoy your years at Stern! Getting involved in clubs and events is a great way to meet new people and form everlasting friendships. You can be sure of finding a club that appeals to your interests, whether it is the Creative Writing and Poetry Club (I am also biased because I am a board member :]), the Biology Club, Chemistry Club, Environmental Club, History Club, the Stern College Dramatics Society (which puts on each year a musical in the fall and a play in the spring), Russian Club, Quidditch Club, etc.

All of this sounds great, right? But then there is the financial issue.... For some, this ends up being the deciding factor between Stern and a more affordable college. Yes, the tuition at Yeshiva University is high, but there are numerous academic scholarships being offered as well as financial aid. Fill out a FAFSA even if you know you are not eligible for financial aid from the government. YU has a different system of determining who is eligible, so even if you would not get a penny from the government, you could get a considerable scholarship from YU. Also, if your high school average is above 90 and you have SAT scores of at least 1300, you are eligible to be considered for a Dean's Scholarship. You do not have to complete a separate application for it; your marks will automatically put you on the list for a potential Dean's Scholarship. If your SAT scores are 1400 or above, you can apply to be an Honors student and can also get an academic-based scholarship. There are various other scholarships available based on the field you are going into. If you are interested in going into Jewish Education, there is the Legacy Heritage Fund Scholars Program which offers full scholarship support. I have a friend who is in that program, so if you are interested in that and need more information, drop me a line. To find out more information on how to apply for financial aid, click here.

One of the amazing things about Stern is that it is located in the heart of Manhattan, providing many cultural and recreational opportunities for students. Theater, music, entertainment, shopping, countless kosher restaurants within a 10-minute radius, and Starbucks on almost every block. There is one particularly lovely one on 34th Street and Park Avenue, where I love to just sit down and write or study or do my work. It is quiet and pleasant and affords chances for people-watching. :] If you are in Stern, take advantage of the location!

If you have any questions about Stern, college life, the application process, or anything else, I would love to tell you whatever I know! Comment here or send me an email at myinkstainedhands [AT] gmail [DOT] com. I would love to hear from you and I hope you find this post useful. Please do come to the open house on November 14th! It should be fun! I have a newspaper deadline the next day as well as a six-page paper due, so I don't know if I will be able to stop by. Let me know if you're planning on being there though and if I have the chance, I would love to come by and meet you and answer any questions. :]

How's it going?

2010-10-25T19:47:00.004-04:00

People ask me what I'm doing and how I'm doing in Stern, and my first reply is always in the form of a huge smile -- because I'm doing great. Since classes started again after Sukkot, there has been so much going on that I barely have time to breathe. In addition to the six classes I am taking this semester, I signed up for a whole load of clubs and events and activities, filling up almost every free minute of every day. It only caught up to me now during midterms, when I have a few subjects to study for and a couple of papers to write (one of which will be six pages long) and 100-page readings on topics such as "Time, Work Discipline, and Industrial Capitalism" and "The World the Slaves Made." Those long readings will eventually translate into long papers to write. But despite the length of my to-do list, I am having the time of my life right now.

Juniors and seniors always seem surprised when, in reply to their questions, I say that my freshman year is going great so far and I'm loving it. They also seem surprised that I actually know what I'm going for -- English major, art history minor. I, on the other hand, am always surprised to hear that many students don't yet know what they would like to major in. I would have thought that the direction you want to take career-wise would influence which college you choose, since different colleges have different strengths and weaknesses, but oh well. I suppose they will eventually know what they're doing. (But there are always those people who never really know and end up going back and forth between different fields.)

Apart from academics, I have been having a lot of fun in Stern getting involved in all these amazing clubs and going to various events. I just became a board member of the Creative Writing and Poetry Club, which had its first event of the year earlier this month -- a discussion on Shakespeare and Milton as dissidents. Future events might include readings, workshops, and poetry slams, so it's going to be absolutely awesome! I am also involved in the Stern College Dramatics Society's production of Pirates of Penzance, which is going to be a blast. The result is that I often come home late, since I commute. The benefit of commuting is that I have 40 uninterrupted minutes each way in which to do homework, reading assignments, and studying for exams.

Aside from that, I am going to start writing for Stern's official student paper, The Observer. Actually, there is a deadline coming up right after midterms so I might want to start writing. And speaking of The Observer, I was mentioned on the front page of the October issue since I was one of the Dean's Scholars who received a free laptop at orientation.

Just in case everything else I'm doing now is not enough, I am also in the process of becoming a docent at the Yeshiva University Museum on West 16th, so I hope to see some of you. I went to the YU Museum this past summer to see the Braginsky collection, which was on display for a limited time and is unfortunately no longer there. It was kind of surreal and so incredibly meaningful. One of the manuscripts on display was a handwritten one by the Vilna Gaon, and I could not tear myself away from it. The exhibits at the YU Museum change all the time, so there is always something new to see. As a docent, every time there is a new exhibit I will have to attend a training and get to learn all about it, so that should be fun!

Yesterday, the art club had a scavenger hunt at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Although I had been there many times over the past few years, this was a completely different experience because instead of focusing on one gallery at a time and examining each piece of art separately or lingering by the ones I found the most interesting, we were hurrying through all the galleries and covering most of the museum. We were going back and forth between the modern art, European art, Egyptian, and Greek and Roman and trying to find the answers to all the scavenger hunt clues in our booklets. That definitely gave me a new perspective on the Met, so it was fun.

Oh, and YU has a Russian club! I was actually pretty surprised at how many Russian students there are in Stern. I absolutely love those "whoa-are-you-Russian-too?" moments that I've been experiencing a lot lately. Even one of the ladies working in the caf is Russian! She actually complimented me on my Russian.

By the way, Stern is having an open house on November 14th, so anyone applying to college for next year should definitely come! I want to write up a post about Stern and my experiences here so far for prospective students, so look out for that. :] And meanwhile, if you have any questions you can feel free to comment below or to send me an email at myinkstainedhands [AT] gmail [DOT] com.

Paganini XXI Century: Music Under New York

2010-10-13T20:58:00.001-04:00

On a cold day back in January, my friends and I were returning from a fun shopping trip in Manhattan and finding our path through the subway to our train line when we heard music nearby and saw a crowd of people standing, observing something. We came closer and saw a man performing, which is a pretty regular sight for people who are used to the NYC train stations. If you take the train regularly here, you will see a wide variety of performers of all ages, races, and nationalities, playing different genres of music. I usually only stop for a minute or two before going to catch my train, but since we were not yet ready to leave the city and go back to our regular lives, we stayed for a few minutes and watched, all agreeing that he was a great performer. He was dancing and playing on an electric violin, the sound vibrating all throughout the station, and a lot of people stopped to watch. We eventually left and took our train back to Brooklyn, and that was that. More than half a year passed, and I had pretty much forgotten all about it.

Last week, as I was swiping my MetroCard at the 34th Street Herald Square station on my way home after college, I heard the sounds of loud electric music right next to the turnstiles. I looked over and realized that it was the same performer that we had seen in January, so I stopped to watch and to listen. He had a sign with his name and website as well as a poster behind him with the name of his project, and when I came home I decided to take a look at his website.

His name is Michael Shulman, and he is originally from Russia but came to New York to pursue his musical dreams. What's interesting (and he mentions it in the biography on his website) is that the Soviet Union banned rock and metal during the Communist era, and that is precisely the type of music Michael Shulman was inspired by. His project is called Paganini XXI Century, symbolizing the combination of classical elements and modern influences. Check out his biography and music on his website. If you want to see him play, he has a schedule on his website of when he is in different subway stations in NY. It seems he mostly plays at Union Square and Herald Square though.

I realized yesterday that he was playing at 34th yet again (near Stern College), so I stopped by the train station just in time to hear him play the last three songs of the day. I was especially delighted to hear him playing Michael Jackson's songs, including Smooth Criminal, which he did an awesome job on. Here's a video I found on YouTube of him playing Michael Jackson's 'Thriller'.

Apparently, musicians who want to play in a subway system have to go through an audition process with MUNY -- Music Under New York, an MTA program. I learn something new every day...

In other interesting NYC subway news, I have a story for you. I was heading back home from college quite late yesterday (after 9 PM), and there was the usual search for an empty seat. As I was hurrying to a vacant spot, I saw another woman aiming for the same seat, so I stopped and backed away. She had done the same thing, and the two of us stood there asking each other to please sit (no, no, it's ok; no, go ahead; no, it's fine; are you sure?) until she finally sat down. She noticed that I was holding a French language book from college, and she remarked on it, asking me how much I know already. We somehow ended up talking for most of the ride, until she got off at her stop. In those 25 minutes, she told me part of her life's story -- places she's traveled, what she is doing here in New York now, her personal life and her struggles. She also pulled an envelope of photos from her bag and showed them to me proudly; they were of her time in England, her trip to Washington, etc. She is originally from Morocco and is now learning English, so I suppose she took this as an opportunity to practice the language. Either way, it was such an unexpected thing to experience in New York, where you pass by hundreds of people everyday without caring who they are or what they are doing. We wished each other good luck and all the best as she was getting off the train, and that was that. Just another moment in the life of a New Yorker.

Have I ever mentioned that I love New York?

Thoughts on Simchat Torah

2010-10-03T15:41:00.004-04:00

In general, I am pretty thankful to G-d for having been born a girl. But there is one day a year that for some reason I always become intensely jealous of my male counterparts and wish I could switch places with them just for once. And that day is Simchat Torah.

In this day and age, women have many opportunities that were not available to them before. Perhaps these opportunities are not as complete or varied as the ones men receive, but it is nevertheless an improvement on the situation we had a century or two ago. One example that comes to mind (and it is an important one) is education, and if we are talking about it from a Jewish religious perspective, I can go even further by mentioning study of the Talmud. For a long time, Talmud study belonged solely to men. Boys would grow up immersed in it, while the most girls might get is hearing parts of it from their fathers and brothers at home. Even now, most Orthodox girls are not exposed to Gemara in a school setting, unless they attend a more 'modern' school. But at least those girls who truly want to learn it have the opportunity. They can choose to attend schools where such classes are being offered -- and it is not difficult to find such a school. Now that I'm Stern, I'm taking an Intro to Talmud class. There are plenty of further classes in Gemara, and Stern also has chavruta programs and night seder, so that any girl who is interested in it can learn. Of course, it is nearly impossible to catch up on all the material they could have covered if they had been learning it from childhood like boys do, but I suppose you can't have everything.

Another thing I experienced in Stern for the first time was an all-girls Kabbalat Shabbat, the welcoming of the Shabbat on Friday evening. It was so perfectly beautiful and spiritual -- the singing, the dancing. I had never seen anything like it before. There were no men so we were able to sing the Kabbalat Shabbat and be involved in ushering in the holy day.

Even the night of learning that is customary for men on Shavuot is now an option for girls too. Last Shavuot, I went with my friend to a lecture program organized by Ohr Naava for girls on Shavuot night. It was the most exhilirating feeling, being able to learn and be involved instead of just going to sleep like on any ordinary night. We returned home in the very early hours of the morning, satisfied and happy. There should be more programs and opportunities like that for girls, and I am looking forward to next Shavuot to see what it brings. Lectures, groups, perhaps private chavruta learning.

And that brings me to something I have not yet seen -- a Simchat Torah celebration where girls can do more than just look at the men dancing with the Torah scrolls. I don't mean an event where men and women mix and celebrate together, for I'm sure I can find that in non-Orthodox circles. I'm talking about an Orthodox environment that is in the spirit of the Torah and the holiness of the holiday, but where women can be active participants in the joy instead of merely sitting and passively watching the proceedings. Look at weddings -- there is celebration on both sides of the mechitza. Why can we not have a similar arrangement for holidays such as Simchat Torah? Are there places that do this perhaps and I am just not aware of it?

I always watch the dancing in shul on Simchat Torah and every year it makes me wish that just for one day I could be one of the guys and be on the other side of the barrier, dancing. That is why it always frustrates me when I see men who are somewhat lackluster in their 'simcha,' who -- instead of dancing with joy and looking like they mean it -- shuffle along as though they are fulfilling an obligation and just following the tide. I suppose that it is easy to take something like dancing on Simchat Torah for granted when you do the same thing year after year, but from my side of the shul, it's upsetting. It makes me happy though when I see men being enthusiastic about it and singing loudly and putting all their energy into the dancing as they dance before the Torah or hold it tightly themselves.

So I am thankful for Gemara, I am thankful for Kabbalat Shabbat, I am thankful for Shavuot. L'shana haba Simchat Torah?

Meaning

2010-09-29T13:47:00.002-04:00

People spend their whole lives looking for meaning, trying to find something that will justify their existence and give them a reason to continue working and striving, to continue fighting for what they know is right and not to give up even when it seems as if everything is falling down around them. We often have such moments when we are ready to give up because nothing is going right and it looks like all our efforts are worthless and bring no results. As we realize the insignificance of a single human life in the context of the entire world, we despair and make the mistake of thinking that what we do does not matter.

There is an interesting passage about it in Chaim Potok's The Chosen. Chaim Potok is a brilliant writer and I really enjoy his books for their depth and their understand of human (and particularly religious) nature. I love the way he explores issues that relate to our religious community and have meaning for us, and his novels are so easy to get into because we can connect with the characters based on our own experiences.

Reuven, the protagonist of The Chosen, is worried because his father is putting what he feels are unnecessarily long hours into his work and his efforts to support a Zionistic state (this takes place before the establishment of the state of Israel). His father works late every night and barely sleeps, and when Reuven sees that it is taking a toll on his health, he feels the need to protest and to urge his father to see the doctor and to "take it a little easy." This is his father's response:

"Human beings do not live forever, Reuven. We live less than the time it takes to blink an eye, if we measure our lives against eternity. So it may be asked what value is there to a human life. There is so much pain in the world. What does it mean to have to suffer so much if our lives are nothing more than the blink of an eye? ... I learned a long time ago, Reuven, that the blink of an eye in itself is nothing. But the eye that blinks, that is something. A span of life is nothing. But the man who lives that span, he is something. He can fill that tiny span with meaning, so its quality is immeasurable though its quantity may be insignificant. Do you understand what I am saying? A man must fill his life with meaning, meaning is not automatically given to life. It is hard work to fill one's life with meaning. That I do not think you understand yet. A life filled with meaning is worthy of rest. I want to be worthy of rest when I am no longer here."

Stern = Awesome!

2010-09-14T23:26:00.001-04:00

Hello friends, readers, and random people who stumble upon my blog! It has been too long since my last post, and I can only attribute my silence to the busy schedule I've had the past couple of weeks at Stern College. Honestly, I have been meaning to write this post back in August and share my experiences from my first few days of college, but then life caught up with me and there was just too much going on for me to be able to sit down and sort out my thoughts properly.

So! I'm a full-time college student now. I had counted down to the start of college the entire summer, ever since I graduated from high school in June, and to say that I was looking forward to it was an understatement. I thought that after so much anticipation, the reality could hardly live up to my expectations and once I was weighed down by assignments I would be less enthusiastic about this new adventure, but surprisingly, I have managed to retain that happy and upbeat mood that seems to get on some people's nerves when liberally applied. In other words, being at Stern is all that I expected and more. I love it.

Orientation began on August 22nd, and Stern and its students and committees used every opportunity to make us feel welcome and comfortable in what will quickly become like our second home. And since there's nothing like a fun concert to help bring new students together and kick off a great year, YU invited Gad Elbaz to perform for us at the Schottenstein Cultural Center. I had, of course, heard some of his songs before, but hearing them live and feeling the energy in the audience transformed the music into a completely different and uplifting experience.

Classes began on the 25th, and I am taking some really interesting classes this semester, so I am very excited about that! I love learning, and what I appreciate about Stern is that I have the chance to take classes that challenge me and push me to think deeper and explore subjects I never thought of before. I had the brilliant idea of taking a few advanced-level classes during my first year in college, so I ended up being the only freshman in a couple of them, but I'm having a blast.

And of course, college would not be college without the social aspect, which brings me to the awesome new friends I have made over the past few weeks. I spent fourteen years of my life in the same school with the same people, so coming to college and seeing hundreds of new faces was somewhat intimidating. Although I don't dorm, I stayed on campus at my awesome peer mentor's apartment for Orientation Shabbat, where I met so many girls that I hope to become closer friends with over the course of my next few years here. Orientation Shabbat was absolutely beautiful, and just for the record, I have never yet experienced such an uplifting and spiritual Kabbalat Shabbat as I did that Friday in Stern's Beit Midrash. There were only girls present, so we sang and celebrated the day together, closely united even though many of us were there for the first time.

There is an emphasis in Stern on getting involved on campus and being a part of the YU community. There are clubs, societies, committees, and activities with a wide range of focuses, so each student is able to find something interesting to get involved in. I want to really take advantage of that and be a part of all that is going on so I can appreciate Stern to the fullest. I just have a really good feeling about this year... about finding my place in Stern and contributing my piece.

Another thing that delights me about Stern is that it gives me the opportunity to spend more time in the city, observing New York and its inhabitants. It seems that New Yorkers often get a bad reputation and are stereotyped as being cold, uncaring, selfish, pushy, rude, and generally nasty. (I admit that I, too, am guilty of occasionally making jokes about it, despite the fact that I was born and raised here.) Well, commuting and walking through the streets of the city affords me a better glimpse at these infamous New Yorkers. Like the one time the MTA machines weren't working in the 34th Street subway. Half of them were broken, and the other half refused to take dollar bills or credit cards, insisting on coins. I stood there, together with a Muslim woman, unsure of what to do since there was no other way for us to refill our empty Metro cards. A man, noticing our distress, approached us and offered to swipe his card for us at the turnstile for $2 -- less than what a ride actually costs, so we shouldn't have to fumble around with change and miss our trains. Then there was the time a woman forgot a shopping bag on the train, and one man noticed it, yelled for her to come back, and held the doors of the train open while she ran back, grabbed the bag, and ran back out. Another instance happened on Shabbat, which my friend pointed out to me. A homeless man was crossing the street, and one of the taxi drivers honked at him and motioned for him to come over. When the man approached the taxi, the driver handed him some money. It all happened in just a few seconds, and nobody really would have noticed it. But it's those small private deeds that matter. If you keep your eyes open, you will see them and you will recognize the human being inside each New Yorker. But if you refuse to see, you are only left with the stereotype in your head.

And of course, New York wouldn't be New York without the tourists. Throngs of them fill up the street at all times of the day, obstructing or slowing movement as they pause every few seconds and come to a stop to take pictures. Every single day, without fail, as I walk from the train station to Stern College, I see at least a few people standing on street corners, all pointing upwards with their cameras and furiously snapping pictures and pointing something out with deep interest. Human nature is curious and therefore dictates that if you see someone is giving something much attention and acting fascinated, you must look over as well to see what it is. So I looked up to see what they were all photographing. "Oh, the Empire State Building. Yeah, that's the place where I eat lunch.... No big deal." And I moved on, laughing to myself. So that is the sight that greets me every morning -- tourists aiming cameras at the Empire State Building. It's cute when I have plenty of time before class and am in no hurry, but when I am running late, the fact that they are obstructing the sidewalks and slowing me down gets a bit annoying.

So overall, it has been a crazy, amazing couple of weeks here at Stern, and I am so excited for the year ahead of me -- the classes, the events, the friends, and the growth I hope to achieve. So yay for Stern!! :]

Shana tova, dear readers!

Vacation 2010 - Days 1-3

2010-08-04T22:39:00.006-04:00

Hello, readers!

I am now in Cleveland, relaxing a bit after a full day of taking in the sights of Ohio.

We left New York on Monday, August 2nd, and drove to Clearfield, PA, where we spent the night in order to break up the long drive to Ohio. The air there smelled so sweet and fresh, you have no idea -- it was like flowers and freshly mown grass. That basically sums up Day 1 of our trip.

Day 2 (Tuesday, August 3rd) was much more exciting. After checking out of the hotel, we continued on our way. The time between Pennsylvania and Ohio seemed to pass by much faster when I was behind the wheel, although I don't think the other passengers in the car (my parents) felt the same way.

When we arrived in Cleveland, it was still too early to check into our hotel, so I went to see the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame while my parents enjoyed the fresh air at a nearby park. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was simply delightful, and I only wish photos were allowed inside. The building is shaped like a pyramid and the walls are made of glass. I saw it during the day, but I think it looks even cooler at night when it is all lit up.

The museum had a lot of things on display for music fans. There were guitars that had been played by the Jackson 5, Elvis Presley, members of the Beatles, Johnny Cash, and so on. They had different artists' outfits, including Elvis, Ringo Starr, the Ramones, Mick Jagger, Bob Marley, Tina Turner, Brian May, David Bowie, Steven Tyler, and more. For Beatles fans, there were the electric guitars that John Lennon and George Harrison played, the jacket that John Lennon wore on the sleeve of the US single 'I Want to Hold Your Hand', the famous outfit he wore on the cover of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, the piano that Yoko Ono got him so he could compose when he was away from home, and his handwritten lyrics. One of the fun things about seeing the outfits was being able to get an idea of how the person looked -- some of those people were much shorter than I had imagined, judging by their clothing.

The top two floors of the museum were dedicated to a Bruce Springsteen exhibition, and also contained outfits, musical instruments played by him, handwritten lyrics, and awards he won.

For me, the highlight of the museum was the little section of it that was dedicated to Michael Jackson. The outfits started as early as from the 1970s and spanned about half the length of his career. The earliest outfit was from 1971, back when he was part of the Jackson 5. The famous original red jacket from the 'Thriller' video (that is now commonly worn as an MJ costume) was there, but it was sadly very tattered. With it was displayed the animal mask Michael Jackson sometimes used for performances of 'Thriller', as well as his Grammy award. The outfit from his 'Bad' video was also there. My favorite outfit though was the blue sparkly jacket with golden epaulets that he had worn to the 1984 Grammy ceremony, when he won a record-breaking number of eight Grammy awards. And, of course, the signature white glove was on display as well, sparkling in the dimly lit hall. I could have stayed there much longer, just staring at it, but the museum was closing.

Day 3 was today -- Wednesday, August 4th. We spent the first half of the day at the Hale Farm and Village in Peninsula, OH, where we got to see historic buildings and homes. People in period dress were there to explain the time periods of the different houses and to demonstrate what it was like to live there. There were women spinning wool, weaving, and making baskets. There was a really cool glassblowing demonstration, in which the man showed us how he makes glass vases from beginning to end. (It was an incredibly hot day today, and I can only imagine how much worse it must be standing there next to a hot furnace all day.)

The heat was beginning to really get to us as well, so as soon as we had seen all we wanted to see (and I bought a bonnet and a Civil War-style Confederacy cap at the gift shop), we returned to Cleveland. I only regret that we were not able to be there for the Civil War reenactment, which is happening next weekend.

I spent the second half of my day in the Cleveland Museum of Art, which was absolutely beautiful. The architecture is magnificent, and although I am used to the Metropolitan in New York and already feel at home there, I loved the Cleveland museum every bit as much, I think. Admission is free, so it's convenient if you want to take your time going through the galleries and spend more than one day there.

I focused on the European paintings and sculptures, and I also enjoyed the collection of suits of armor and weapons (from the 16th century!), which was arranged very well and given more space than the one in the Metropolitan. There were so many galleries there and so many beautiful paintings. El Greco, Pieter de Hooch, Jacques Louis David, Boucher, Gainsborough, Constable, Monet, Renoir, Manet, Van Gogh, Cezanne, Picasso, etc. My favorite things: the gallery of American paintings from the 1890s to 1920s, which focused on New York life and which I found very helpful in gaining a better understanding of the time for something I am writing, Degas' paintings and sculpture, and the entire gallery of Rodin's sculptures. To say I was delighted would be an understatement. There were art students sitting in every corner of that gallery, sketching the sculptures. Outside, in front of the museum, was a huge sculpture of Rodin's 'The Thinker'. So awesome!

I left the museum at 9 PM, only when they began escorting everyone out. I could definitely have spent more time there though.

So those were the first 3 days of our little vacation. Plans for tomorrow include a visit to the Toledo Museum of Art, to see -- you guessed it -- more art! :]

Ahavat Am Yisrael

2010-07-19T18:20:00.002-04:00

Tisha B'Av is a time of mourning and sadness for the Jewish people, but its message is also one of hope and redemption. Knowing what led to the tragedy which we now mourn, we also have the power to prevent more suffering by striving to fix the mistake which led to the destruction of our beloved Beit HaMikdash. It is time to replace baseless hatred with love and to reach out to one another.

Perhaps it is fitting then that a piece written by me about the unity and love I witnessed at the Salute to Israel parade was just published by The Jewish Press. I think that is the message we need to focus on now. Unity and love should not just be reserved for a parade that happens once a year or for the occasional demonstrations in NYC. It should be a way of life.

You can read the piece in the June 16 edition of The Jewish Press or view it online.

Wishing all of my readers an easy and meaningful fast, as well as the strength to rise above the negative emotions that seem to come so easily and to focus instead on the positive, even when it is difficult.

Pearls

2010-07-16T00:39:00.002-04:00

Little pieces of wisdom from Les Liaisons Dangereuses, by Choderlos de Laclos

On passion and prudence:

"What you call happiness is but a tumult of the senses, a tempest of passions of which the mere view from the shore is terrible. Ah! Why confront these tempests? How dare embark upon a sea covered with the debris of so many thousand shipwrecks?" -- Madame de Tourvel

On principles and individuality:

"I say my principles, and I say so decidedly; for they are not, like those of other women, the result of chance, received without scrutiny, and followed out of habit; they are the fruit of my profound reflections; I have created them, and I may say that I am my own handiwork." -- Marquise de Merteuil.

On virtue and sacrifice:

"What would virtue be without the duties which it imposes? Its worship lies in our sacrifices, its recompense in our hearts. These truths cannot be denied except by those who have an interest in disregarding them, and who, already depraved, hope to have a moment's illusion by endeavoring to justify their bad conduct by bad reasons." -- Marquise de Merteuil.

On falling in love and blind passion:

"It is not for the illusion of a moment to settle the choice of our life. In fact, in order to choose, one must compare; and how can that be done, when one is occupied by a single object, when even that object one cannot know, plunged as one is in intoxication and blindness?" -- Marquise de Merteuil.

On vanity and its consequences:

"To what lengths will vanity not carry us! The wise man was right, indeed, when he said that it was the enemy of happiness." -- Marquise de Merteuil.

On the risks of bad influences and dangerous acquaintance:

"Who is there who would not shudder, if he were to reflect upon the misfortunes that may be caused by even one dangerous acquaintance! And what troubles would one not avert by reflecting on this more often!" -- Madame de Volanges

Four Years, Countless Miles

2010-07-07T22:16:00.010-04:00

When I look back on the past four years and at the changes that I have undergone, I realize more than ever the importance of choosing the right high school. It is different for each individual, and one student can flourish and succeed in a certain high school, while another student will suffocate, feel miserable, and look back on those four years with resentment. Looking at my graduating class, I see girls who fall under both categories and anywhere in between. There are girls who have reached heights that they cannot imagine achieving in any other school, and they will look back at their high school years with fondness, tinged with a bittersweet longing, wishing they could come back and gain even more but knowing that they must move on. There are girls who did all they had to do in high school, passed their tests and completed their assignments, and look at high school as just another one of the things that they had to go through as part of life. And then there are girls who went through high school feeling frustrated and resentful because they thought they did not have the freedom to do what they wanted and were being restricted and choked by the school's standards. To them, graduation meant finally being able to do as they pleased without the fear of being caught or suffering consequences. (Of course, many of these girls did as they pleased even in high school, but it is so much more pleasant doing what you want without having this worrying thought somewhere in the back of your mind that you might get caught.) These girls appreciated school mostly because of the opportunities it gave them of making new friendships. In other words, they liked the social aspect, but the good feelings stopped there.

To determine which category I fall under would be difficult, since I have experienced all three. I have raged, rebelled, toiled, stressed, appreciated, and loved. I experienced frustration, disappointment, despair, happiness, attachment, and delight. But I could not experience the last three until I had re-evaluated my priorities, examined my life with honesty, and decided upon which path I wanted to embark and what was the best way of getting to the destination I wanted to reach. Before I did that, I could not appreciate; I could only see limitations wherever I turned. And I am sure that there are girls who still see it that way and never learned to let go of their prejudice.

Now, when I look back on the past four years, and the last two in particular, I am struck by how much I have learned and gained, and by my growth as a person. I am definitely not the same person I was when I walked into high school, prepared for battle. Once I realized that high school was not hostile territory, despite all its rules and expectations, I was able to begin to truly learn. I was able to connect with sincere, truth-seeking students and embark on a journey together. I was able to also connect with so many teachers, whose patience and generosity made me feel comfortable approaching them with my questions, my doubts, and my struggles. Honestly, I think that my teachers were the most important part of my high school experience, helping me grow and understand myself better without being judgmental or severe. They have encouraged me to seek the truth, be true to myself, and make the most out of everything. They have expressed faith in me, giving me support and investing time and effort in helping me when I needed it. They were always available, during lunch breaks, free periods, on the phone....

It was such a regular part of my life and it was always so easy that I took it for granted. The last couple of months, it struck me that I only had a few more weeks, and then I would be gone. It would no longer be as easy as having long discussions during lunch and school hours. I'm going to miss that, probably more than anything else. I'm also going to miss all those classes that opened my eyes and my mind, which mattered so much to me. I'm going to miss walking into my favorite classes with that eagerness and desire to learn. Of course, there will be no end of interesting classes in Stern (and I am already looking forward to them with much excitement), but it's different. It's a change of pace and a completely different atmosphere. It is one I hope to gain much from, but it is not one I am used to.

And now, I have just a couple of months dividing the high school experience that I miss so much and the beginning of a new experience at Stern. Why do I have the impression that this will feel like the longest summer I have experienced thus far?

What the Future Brings

2010-06-11T16:52:00.006-04:00

It is hard for me to believe that I am graduating on the 22nd of June. When people told me that 12th grade would fly by, I did not realize it would be this quick. It is as if I just yesterday stepped into the school again after the summer, prepared to settle in for another whole year. Ten months seemed like such a long time, and even now when I say it, I think, "It could not possibly have been ten months!" Well, I'm done. I still have Regents examinations next week, but otherwise, I am done. I finished classes last week, finished my finals this week, and I need only to wait a couple of weeks to graduate.

When I was a little first grader, I looked up with awe at the 3rd and 4th graders. And then when I was in their place, I proceeded to look up with awe at the junior high students. It was hard to wrap my little mind around the fact that they were so high up that they were almost graduating elementary school. And as for high school students -- they were just marvelous creatures. They had their own building that we were not allowed into, and they had different uniforms, and they were so.. well.. old. I could not imagine being in high school. And now that I am graduating high school, I look back at the little kid version of me with amusement. I have been waiting for this moment for years, and now it is almost here.

The past four years were so important in forming who I am today, and as I look back on them, I see how far I have come and how much I have changed and grown. It has been at times a rough and bumpy road, but it was the right one, as I feel that I have arrived at the right destination. And soon, I will be embarking on another road, and I feel it is the right one, too.

And that brings me to my plans for next year. As you might recall, I had asked for Brooklyn seminary suggestions back in October, but I did not mention anything after that. Well, that is because I ended up choosing not to go to seminary. I thought I would go to seminary in the mornings and then attend Brooklyn College in the afternoons, but I decided to do college full time instead... and I chose to go to a different college as well... which is why, as of fall 2010, I am going to be a full-time Stern College (YU) student! A year ago, I would not have believed it. It was not an easy choice to make, but once I made up my mind and realized that this is what is right for me, I was pretty excited about it. In fact, now that I got the schedule for orientation in August, I am downright psyched! I cannot put into words how much I am looking forward to it.

I probably will not know anyone there, since most of my friends are going off to seminary or to different colleges, so if anyone here knows someone who's going to Stern next year (or is going herself), say hi!

Nothing Can Rain on Our Parade: Am Yisrael Chai!

2010-05-23T21:42:00.008-04:00

Flyers and ads for today's Salute to Israel parade announced that the parade would proceed, rain or shine. For a while, it looked as though we would have no shine, since the weather forecast ominously predicted rain for today. Since something like a little rain would not stop me from coming to support Israel and cheer on those marching, I packed an umbrella and went off to 5th Avenue. It became apparent to me soon enough that not only was my umbrella unnecessary, but that bringing sunglasses and sunscreen would have been much more worthwhile. The threatening clouds were only present for the beginning of the parade, and they soon disappeared, allowing the sun to shine down and illuminate the cheerful proceedings.

Men, women, students, children, and dogs were all there to display their pride for Israel. Both those marching and those observing waved Israeli flags and cheered. And one of the things I love most about these parades for Israel is the incredible sense of unity. There is a connection, a special bond, between all the people who show up to the parade. It does not matter who they are or how they identify themselves -- if they are religious, non-religious, Orthodox, Conservative, wearing a kippa or bareheaded, wearing a short skirt or pants -- they are all there together to show their love for Israel and the Jewish nation. And that's beautiful. Seeing all these people -- thousands of them -- together in one place and for a common cause is beautiful. I could have cried out of pride.

I spent a couple of hours at the parade and then made my way through Central Park to the Summerstage, where the Israel Day Concert was taking place. At that point, the sun came out full force and I felt myself baking in its heat. It cooled down eventually though, so I stayed for a while. There was music, dancing, and singing as everyone celebrated together.

Next time though, I am bringing sunscreen even if rain is expected. My face is not looking happy right now -- I don't think I've been this burnt since last summer!

Their signs said things like "I found my heart/brain/courage in Israel"

Dmitriy Salita

People were dancing and singing and celebrating

The Maccabeats

No Pressure

2010-05-11T19:37:00.003-04:00

To quote my niece: "Why don't you just quickly choose a chosson and get married?"

She even had suggestions. I sense a shadchan in the making. ;]

And I also sense that I won't be hearing the end of it until I hand her an invitation to my wedding... which still doesn't have anyone in the main role.

How to Capture a Military Dictator

2010-05-10T01:53:00.003-04:00

From Wikipedia, about the capture of Manual Noriega, the military dictator of Panama, during George Bush's administration:

Operation Nifty Package was an operation launched by Navy SEALs to prevent the escape of Noriega. They sank Noriega's boat and destroyed his jet at a cost of 4 killed and 9 wounded. Military operations continued for several weeks, mainly against military units of the Panamanian Army. Noriega remained at large for several days, but realizing he had few options in the face of a massive manhunt, with a one million dollar reward for his capture, he obtained refuge in the Vatican diplomatic mission in Panama City. The US military's psychological pressure on him and diplomatic pressure on the Vatican mission, however, was relentless, as was the playing of loud rock-and-roll music day and night in a densely populated area. The report of the Office of the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff maintains that the music was used principally to prevent parabolic microphones from being used to eavesdrop on negotiations, and not as a psychological weapon based around Noriega's supposed loathing of rock music. Noriega finally surrendered to the U.S. military on January 3, 1990. He was immediately put on an MC-130 Combat Talon aircraft and extradited to the United States.

This is one of those things that just make you smile as you study for a history test. :] Who says there is no humor in history?

Kids

2010-05-09T09:55:00.002-04:00

My niece and nephew were at my house for Shabbat, and at one point, my niece turned to me and asked with a straight face, "When are you getting married?" My father and I exchanged looks, amused by the question and by the fact that it was my eight-year-old niece who was asking it. I cautiously replied that I might first have to find someone to marry before I can start planning the wedding, and I inquired why she was asking this all of a sudden. Her reply? She wants to wear a beautiful gown and wants to know when she can do that. I promised her that I would let her know as soon as I knew the answer myself.

It was her next question though that really surprised me. She wanted to know at what age I want to get married -- young or older. She elaborated that young was at 19 or 20 and older is basically anything above that number.

So this is just to let all you girls know -- if you're above 20, you are apparently older. Who knew?

Precious

2010-04-30T17:51:00.008-04:00

My sweet little rats Mr. Darcy (left) and Mr. Knightley (right), enjoying some watermelon:

Parshat Kedoshim: Personal Responsibility

2010-04-23T16:16:00.001-04:00

As we know, G-d takes care of the poor and gives us commandments to help out those who are in need -- widows, orphans, converts, the poverty-stricken, and so on. We are obligated to help out anyone who is at a disadvantage or might be oppressed by others. In Parshat Kedoshim (Leviticus 19:9), it says the following:

ובקצרכם את קציר ארצכם לא תכלה פאת שדך לקצר ולקט קצירך לא תלקט

When you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not fully reap the corner of your field, nor shall you gather the gleanings of your harvest.

If you look closely at the Hebrew text (as this is not apparent in the English translation), you see that it starts off by addressing the people using the plural form -- ובקצרכם -- and then as the verse continues, it suddenly switches off to the singular form when it says לא תכלה. But if the entire verse is addressed to the same audience, why does it at first address them in plural and then in singular?

Kli Yakar interprets the commandment as follows. Even at a time of gathering, when many people are gathering their crops, you should not think that the poor person can support himself through the field of other people and therefore you do not have to leave off a corner of your own field. The obligation is put on every individual and he cannot exempt himself because of others. So even though everyone is leaving off a corner for the poor and it might seem like this farmer's little corner does not matter, the Torah is saying that it does matter, because every single individual person is obligated to do this.

You see this a lot in life. When people need help -- people who are not really close to us, or are even total strangers -- we tend to think that someone else will come along and help them. We don't want to take responsibility for those people. After all, who are they to us that we should help them? We assume that somebody else will come to their assistance. We pretend we don’t see. We act as if it’s not our problem. We think, “There are hundreds of people who know about this or see this person is in need of help – one of them will help. My help doesn’t matter.”

And of course, you know what happens in situations like these. Chances are that nobody ends up helping because everyone thinks someone else will. But that someone else also doesn’t want to take responsibility for something that does not personally affect him or his close group of friends and family. I mean, if you don't want to take responsibility, why should somebody else?

In psychology, this is known as the diffusion of responsibility. When the responsibility is spread over all the people involved and there are a lot of people, you assume that someone else will help and if they don't, that must mean that no help is required -- even though this is not at all the case.

Earlier this month, I had the honor of attending a lecture by Elie Wiesel. The topic of the lecture was the tragedy of the St. Louis ship and its passengers during World War II, when Jewish refugees from Germany were denied entry in Cuba, America, and Canada. These countries refused to take responsibility for them, even though they could have saved them from death. (Various European countries eventually agreed to allow a certain number of the ship's passengers in.)

Elie Wiesel spoke about the things we can learn from those events, and two of those lessons were that when help is required we should give it right away, and when victims rely on assistance, we should not think others will do it because others think we will.

Most of us know of people who need help, of things that need fixing, of the changes we could effect, but how many of us will actually stand up and do something about it, instead of waiting around for the next person? Because you never know when that next person will come or if he will come along at all. I know I would find it difficult to be that person who takes the responsibility and does what needs to be done.

But if we want to make a difference in this world, we have to stop having the "someone-else-will-do-it" mindset and start thinking more along the lines of, "I will do it. I will take the responsibility on myself."

Feel-Good vs. Direct Approach

2010-04-22T20:47:00.004-04:00

I was thinking recently about the different reasons people might have for following certain Torah commandments. When a person -- a speaker, a writer, or just a friend -- is trying to convince another to follow a commandment, there are two different tactics one can use. One can either state the reason given by the Torah or by respected Torah authorities whose knowledge has been accepted for centuries, or, the other choice is to give reasons that will make the person you are trying to convince feel good about the whole thing. For instance, if you are trying to convince a person to be shomer negiah, you can either give the halakhic reasons or you can speak about the powerful effect of physical contact.

As a teenage girl in a religious school, I mostly hear the feel-good reasons. How special you are, how you should not make your body cheap (although it was never quite explained how shaking someone's hand can be making you 'cheap'), how if you are shomer negiah now you will be happier later when you're in a meaningful relationship (meaning marriage), and so on.

Now, I am not trying to discount these reasons. They have a lot of truth to them and some of them are quite logical, but why are they the main focus? What happened to giving halakhic explanations? Now, I know that for those who could not care less about the black-and-white of halakha or want something that appeals to their emotions more, such explanations will do the trick, but what about the others? What about those that don't subscribe to all this feel-good stuff that gets thrown at them by books, speakers, and teachers? What about people who want something more than that, who want an actual source?

Of course, if you only speak of sources and halakhic explanations in a school for girls or in a book that is aimed at teenagers, you will get nowhere. It is important to explain it in a way that will appeal to them, but at the same time it is necessary to also talk about halakha using a frank, direct approach so that girls should not think that they only need to follow the halakha for as long as it makes them feel good.

I once approached a friend of mine who was reading a book for teenagers about shomer negiah, and I remarked to her that although it is good that she is reading it and I hope that she gains something from it, she should keep in mind the halakhic reasons and she should also realize that we do not keep shomer negiah because it makes us feel all good inside but because G-d issued His commandments and we follow them. Otherwise, if you are only shomer negiah because you think you will benefit from it or it makes you happy or will prevent regrets, what happens if one day you give up on that and decide that it in fact does not make you happy and you do not see any immediate benefit in it?

Once you bring things down to the human level and think about the Torah in terms of your emotions and how you feel about its commandments, you are in dangerous waters. If you only do what makes you feel good, who's to say you will follow halakha? I mean, if you need the feel-good reasons because they will encourage you in your Torah observance, then by all means, go ahead! But they should not be your only reasons. They should complement, not supplant.

One Year

2010-04-11T15:51:00.002-04:00

I began this blog on April 1st, 2009. I had spent a couple of weeks before that wondering if it was worth it or not, if I should or I should not. But I started. I had no idea who would be reading my blog or in which direction it would go, but I plunged into it and began posting. At first, I had a lot to say and would write, on average, 15 posts a month. That number reached its peak at 19 in August 2009, when I was in Israel and had so much to say and to share, but dwindled to single-digit numbers once the school year started.

I am still here, still writing, still thinking, and you will have to believe me when I say that I have not abandoned my blog (although it sometimes seems like it when I do not post for long stretches of time).

Anyway, I just want to thank my readers (and especially those who comment, since feedback is always appreciated), and here's to another year of blogging. :]

[insert creative title here]

2010-03-29T12:57:00.011-04:00

So, Pesach 2010. I really don't have much to say about it. No words of wisdom or inspiration, nothing about how I feel about the holiday, and -- quite honestly -- nothing of much significance at all.

I actually started this blog right before Pesach 2009, so I suppose that it has been one Hebrew year. (Yay!)

I'm hoping to do a lot of reading (and maybe some living) over the holiday, so hopefully by the end of it I will have something of interest to write about.

For now, I just want to wish all my readers a chag kosher v'sameach. :] May this Pesach be a meaningful one for you.

Phone Etiquette

2010-03-25T12:45:00.000-04:00

There is something about mornings that is just not fun. It's a time when you don't particularly want to do anything, and quite frankly, you don't want to deal with life yet. Good or bad -- you don't want to hear about it. And you also probably don't want to wake up with 5 missed calls and peppy voicemails, which you know you have to return eventually.

You know how some people say you should not call others past a certain time, especially if they have little kids sleeping? Well, here's a new one -- people, please don't call me before noon on a day when I have no classes and am trying to get back all those hours of sleep I lost in the past weeks, especially if you already know that I sleep late on days like these. Calling me that early won't get you anywhere, even if you call three times. My ringer is off and you will not reach me until I wake up anyway -- so just wait.

It always annoys me when people call a few times in a row, or leave multiple messages, as it will not increase the chances of me picking up when I am asleep.

So the next time you are thinking of calling me, ask yourself two questions:
1. Is it at all possible that I might be sleeping?
2. Did you already call me a couple of times that morning?
3. Have I told you in the past that I don't want you calling me early in the morning?

Thank you. And now I am off to have breakfast.

Moliere: Of Yichus and Hypocrisy

2010-03-21T19:31:00.003-04:00

Don Luis: Are you not ashamed, to be so unworthy of your origins? What right have you now to take pride in your birth? And what have you done in the world that would prove you a gentleman? Do you think that it suffices to bear the name and the coat of arms -- that we may glory in our noble blood and at the same time wallow in infamy? No, no, birth is nothing if virtue doesn't attend it. We share the glory of our ancestors only in proportion as we strive to resemble them; and their splendid deeds, which shed a lustre upon us, oblige us to honor them in kind -- to follow in their footsteps, and not to forsake their fine example if we wish to be their true descendants.

~Don Juan, Moliere. p. 115

I think most of us have heard the idea that our yichus is like a string of zeroes, and if we have nothing with which to recommend ourselves, it is worthless, while if we are the 'one' in front of all those zeroes, it amounts to a lot.

~~~

Don Juan: It's no longer shameful to be a dissembler; hypocrisy is now a fashionable vice, and all fashionable vices pass for virtues. The part of G-d-fearing man is the best possible role to play nowadays, and in our present society the hypocrite's profession has extraordinary advantages. It's an art whose dishonesty always goes unchallenged; even if the whole world sees through the imposture, no one dares denounce it. All the other vices of mankind are subject to censure, and anyone is free to upbraid them roundly; but hypocrisy is a privileged vice which knows how to silence every tongue and enjoy a perfect impunity. The hypocrite, by means of pious pretenses, attaches himself to the company of the devout, and anyone who then assails him is set upon by a great phalanx of the godly -- wherein those who act sincerely, and have a true religious fervor, are always the dupes of the others. The true believers are easily hoodwinked by the false, and blindly second those who ape their piety. I can't tell you how many men I know who, by means of a feigned devotion, have glossed over the sins of their youth, wrapped themselves in the cloak of religion, and in that holy disguise are now free to be the worst of scoundrels! It makes no difference if their intrigues are sometimes exposed and their true natures laid bare; they don't cease, on that account, to be respected, since by soulful groans, and bowings of the head, and rollings of the eye toward Heaven, they can readily persuade the world to excuse whatever they do.

I propose to take refuse in this modish style of deception, and thus protect myself and my interests. I shan't give up any of my cherished pursuits, but I'll be careful to pursue them quietly and on the sly. If ever my secret life is discovered, I won't have to lift a finger: the whole cabal of the pious will take my side, and defend me against all corners. In short, I've found the ideal way to do whatever I like and go scot-free. I'll set myself up as censor of the conduct of others, I'll condemn everybody, and I'll approve of no one but myself. If anyone offends me, however slightly, I'll never forgive him, but shall nurse instead a secret and implacable hatred. I'll appoint myself the Avenger of Heaven, and with that convenient pretext I'll harass my enemies, accuse them of impiety, and stir up against them a swarm of ignorant zealots, who'll assail them in public, heap them with defamations, and officiously doom them to Hell. A clever man will thus explot men's follies, and adapt his style to the vices of the age.

~Don Juan, Moliere. pps. 135-136

Lesson in Tzniut from Arthur Miller

2010-03-21T13:21:00.006-04:00

Catherine: Guess how much we paid for the skirt.
Eddie: I think it's too short, ain't it?
Catherine, standing: No! Not when I stand up.
Eddie: Yeah, but you gotta sit down sometimes.
.

~A View from the Bridge, Arthur Miller. p. 6

We look in the dressing room mirror at that skirt, and it is perfect. It reaches past our knees and nobody could have any objection to it. What we sometimes fail to realize is how different that skirt will look once we sit down; or perhaps we simply don't want to think about that and push that thought from our minds because we know it might prevent us from buying that 'perfect' skirt or dress.

One of my friends recently remarked that she needs to make some alterations to it in order to make it longer, and I replied that I did not see any need for that as it completely covered her knees. She explained that when she sits in it, her knees are visible, and she would rather put some extra fabric at the bottom than have it as it is. I was kind of impressed by that, because from what I have seen in Brooklyn, a lot of girls really don't care how the skirt looks when they're sitting down. Imagine sitting in a tight pencil skirt that barely covers the knees while standing -- once you're seated, it definitely does not cover them. (Then imagine girls sitting with their legs crossed in those skirts, when there's really not much left to the imagination.)

I was just surprised to come across an idea that applies to Judaism in an Arthur Miller play. I guess he knew what he was writing about.

A Woman's Wit Among Other Things

2010-02-21T20:24:00.005-05:00

Although I have complained about Jane Austen's happy endings in the past, she is, in fact, one of my most favorite authors and quite an inspiration to me. Her writing has transported me into other, more beautiful worlds and times. She was able to bring a smile to my face whenever I was feeling down, and there was something about her writing that always made me feel serene and at peace. In other words, I love and adore Jane Austen despite her happy endings.

The Morgan Library and Museum currently has an exhibition on Jane Austen titled A Woman's Wit: Jane Austen's Life and Legacy, open until March 14, 2010. It contains a collection of Jane Austen's letters to her sister Cassandra on display (she must have written at least 3000 letters of which 160 survived) as well as part of her handwritten manuscript of Lady Susan, which is apparently the only surviving complete draft of any of her novels and can also be viewed here. There were also some earlier printed editions of her novels and a few framed illustrations by different artists based on her books. The exhibit also strives to give the viewer a better understanding of the author's life and influences, including books she read, authors she admired, and the general philosophies of the time. It gives people a glimpse into the life of one of the greatest female writers so we can better understand the themes in her novels and her goal in writing.

The part that I found most fascinating was looking at her letters and handwritten manuscripts. For a huge Jane Austen fan, getting to see up close and personal the actual pieces of paper on which she wrote in her own handwriting was pretty awesome. Paper was expensive so her handwriting was quite small and cramped at times. When she ran out of space, she would often write either in the margins or upside down between lines! So her sister would have to first read the letter through one way and then flip it upside down. Another thing Jane would do if she had more to say was write vertically over the horizontal lines of the letter, which you can see here.

Her letters offered us a more personal glimpse into her everyday life, as she described parties she attended and dances she participated in. In a letter from 1804 to her sister Cassandra, Jane wrote that she danced quite a bit and would have danced some more if she had wanted to with a certain gentleman or with "a new odd looking Man who had been eyeing me for some time & at last without any introduction asked me if I meant to dance again." I loved that bit. Things like that make me feel more connected to her as a person, because I can just imagine it with the help of my own personal experiences.

In a 1799 letter to Cassandra, Jane gushed about a new cloak. On the side, she sketched the lace pattern on the cloak in perfect detail. You can see this letter here.

In an 1811 letter from London, Jane mentioned some of the things she had done recently, which included attending two Shakespeare plays -- Hamlet and Macbeth. Seriously, I can completely imagine being friends with this girl.

Overall, I loved this exhibition, and I encourage all Jane Austen fans to check it out before it closes on March 14th, 2010. The Morgan is located on Madison Avenue and 36th, only a few blocks from Herald Square or Stern College. Check here for their exact address and hours. The admission is quite cheap -- $12 for adults and $8 for students with current IDs. This price gives you access to pretty much all of the exhibitions currently on display at The Morgan. Currently, those include one called Rome After Raphael, which is a collection of pen and ink or chalk sketches and drawings by artists such as Raphael, Caravaggio, Parmigianino, etc. There are also many illuminated manuscripts on display, most notably those from the era of Catherine of Cleves. Oh, and make sure to visit the gift shop! It is the most delightful place. They have a big collection of books on art and books containing reproductions of specific artists' works. I started browsing as they were about to close at 6 PM, but I would like to return some day and look through them more closely.

Some of The Morgan's future exhibitions include Albrecht Durer (starting May 18, 2010) and Degas (starting September 24, 2010). I am looking forward to those.

Ink Stained Hands

2010-02-19T15:00:00.000-05:00

I found this little piece from March 2008 in one of my notebooks, and I thought I might share it in honor of my reaching the 100 mark. It has also just been published on Teen Ink's website (Teen Ink is a magazine by teens and for teens), and if you are so inclined, you can vote for it here. One vote is allowed per day. Apparently, the more votes I get the higher my story will be ranked, so that sounds cool.

~

My ink stained hands, pure white with smudged black puddles covering the fingertips, are the finest poetry I have ever beheld. They tell of far away mountains, impossible romances, the racing of the heart as it is exposed to the most beautiful work of art. They are witness to those many late hours spent dreaming, writing, creating, and being inspired as I inhale the intoxicating perfume of the ink. They caress the paper in imitation of the paintbrush that tenderly kisses the canvas before it. These black, dirty fingers glow in my eyes like the darkest obsidian, hinting to unexplored depths in its impenetrable darkness – to eternity.

I see midnight skies, the mysteries of their unattainable spheres bewitching me as I hold my breath. I see passion – brilliant, maddening, beautiful – in the intimate way the quill rests between my fingers, everything covered in ink.

There is beauty in that stain left behind by the completion of a beautiful verse, and there is poetry in the blemish covering my index finger like the most faultless rhyme. There is enchantment in the way the ink smoothly flows out, seductively posing on the lines of the paper. The very wind races, spurred on by the magic.

Its very blackness is the sunlight at dawn, rising to illuminate the world. It is the happiness that suffuses the heart, making life worth living. What drug can be so presumptuous as to claim to be more entrancing than the art of the writer or more exhilarating than the fragrance of that ink, set on paper in elaborate swirls and smeared all over my fingers in shapeless blotches? This is the immortality we so desperately seek and the bewitchment we have been dreaming of unraveling and possessing.

Titanic: The Artifact Exhibition

2010-02-15T23:17:00.006-05:00

As I was walking from the train station a few months ago to the Broadhurst Theater on West 44th to see Hamlet, I noticed the Discovery Times Square Exposition advertising its new Titanic exhibit. Well, I finally saw it today.

The haunting line on the flyer I picked up reads, "After nearly a century... Titanic finally arrives in NYC." What a chilling introduction! Think about it.... The ship that set sail for New York from England in 1912 and sunk to the bottom of the ocean has finally reached its destination -- but only the artifacts lived to see New York.

As you enter the exhibit, you are given the 'boarding pass' of a person who was actually on the Titanic with his/her name, age, class, reason for voyage, and a passenger fact. You are told to hold onto this boarding pass and at the end of the exhibit see if 'your' passenger survived.

Various artifacts were on display throughout the exhibit, and some of them were identified as belonging to certain people. Rooms on the Titanic were replicated, as were certain corridors and the grand staircase (where you could take a picture). The Titanic was apparently the most luxurious ship made, and that becomes quite obvious as you see the pictures of the dining halls and the replicas of the first class rooms and the grand staircase. Something about that makes the tragedy even more tragic -- kind of like a last supper, when you look at the culmination.

Artifacts included perfume bottles (some of which contained perfumes that still had a scent), champagne bottles with champagne still inside, mirrors and hairbrushes, pocket watches and wristwatches, toothpaste jars, floor tiles, china plates and cups, playing cards, traditional straight razors and modern Gillette safety razor blades, wax stamps, etc. There were matching pants and a vest on display which had been preserved because they were in a leather suitcase, and since leather is tanned, it repels microorganisms and prevents water damage. According to a display hanging on the wall, there are no conservation techniques to preserve the ship itself, and it is being consumed by iron-eating microbes and will implode and collapse on itself within 40 to 90 years.

We often hear stories about people who were saved in tragedies such as 9/11 because they happened not to be there at that time on that day, even though they normally would have been there. Well, the stories about some of the Titanic victims were the opposite. There were people who were supposed to be on different ships, and some were even supposed to leave up to a week later, but certain circumstances forced them to switch to the Titanic last minute. One such passenger, Edgar Samuel Andrew, wrote in a letter before the voyage that he would rather be on a different ship and sail some other day, and added, "I wish the Titanic were lying at the bottom of the ocean." Little did he know that a few days later, that is exactly where it would be, and he would perish with it.

Two days before they were scheduled to land in New York, some of the First Class passengers made a gala dinner in honor of the captain, to congratulate him for a safe crossing. Little did they know....

Near the end of the exhibit, there were lists of all the survivors and victims in first class, second class, third class, and the crew. The woman whose boarding pass I held -- Miss Ellen Hocking -- survived, along with her mother. But it seems as if the rest of her accompanying family -- which included her aunt, brother, sister, and 3-year-old and 10-month-old cousins -- did not.

Seeing all the people there checking those lists to see if 'their' passengers survived made it so much more real, as did seeing all those little artifacts that once upon a time belonged to somebody -- mirrors that were once held by the women, razors that were once used by the men, the china on which they ate as they awaited the day when they would arrive in New York, and so on.

The souvenir shop was actually selling tiny pieces of coal from the actual wreck of the Titanic. I was more tempted by that than by any of the other souvenirs. I am fascinated by history, and that was an opportunity to own a little piece of it. But I needed the money for other things, so I did not buy it. I suppose I can at least know that I once had the opportunity to own a piece of history.

This exhibit made it come alive for people who might otherwise not have understood the enormity of the tragedy. Events sometimes get lost in history and risk becoming just another piece of information and the people involved become mere statistics. I would definitely recommend that people go see this exhibit while it is still open (but please leave the kids at home, especially if you know that they will disturb the other visitors). This exhibit closes on February 28th, so if you are interested, now is the time.

I would also like to take this chance to thank my parents for agreeing to sponsor this little trip and my school for making this all possible by giving us a day off.

Mishpatim: the Written Torah as Notes on a Lesson

2010-02-12T15:23:00.007-05:00

I presented a lesson on Parshat Mishpatim today to a class of tenth graders, based on Rashi, Ramban, and Rav Hirsch. I thought I might share with my readers part of what I said about Rav Hirsch's commentary.

Most of Parshat Mishpatim focuses on halakha – it contains over 50 of the 613 mitzvot, and most of them are simply listed one after the other. They do not take up a lot of space – only one sentence, or even just a few words, and sometimes it is a bit hard to understand what exactly a mitzvah entails, because what is written here is so brief and lacks detail.

Rav Shimshon Raphael Hirsch, in his introduction to Mishpatim, explains that what we read here in the Written Torah – Torah she’b’ktav – does not contain all of halakha. When you read through the verses of the Torah, you are not getting all of Jewish law – that we can only get with the help of the Oral Torah – Torah she’ba’al peh. And not only is the written Torah incomplete without the oral Torah, but Rav Hirsch even states that the primary source of halakha is in the teachings of the Oral Torah. According to him, the written Torah – the actual pesukim that we read – are not the main part of Torah. We follow halakha based on our tradition – based on the Oral Torah that was passed on through the generations, which was ultimately put into writing in the Talmud. That is where we get the Law from. And the Written Torah is used to help the memory or when there are doubts about the halakha.

We see in the Torah itself that Bnei Yisrael already got the Torah and lived by it for forty years before Moshe gave them the actual book of the Torah right before his death. So they already knew the Torah – they knew everything that was told to them at the time of Mt. Sinai, which is why all the details did not have to be actually written in the Torah.

That is why, the written Torah was not meant to be used as a primary source for halakha. It was meant to be used by those who already knew halakha well, to help renew their memories. And also, it was meant to be used as a reference by those who taught halakha to a new generation, in order to confirm the teachings of the Oral Torah, so that students would find it easier to remember in their heads the halakha because they not only heard it from their Rabbanim, but they also had it written down right in front of them.

Rav Hirsh actually gives a brilliant parable to the relationship between the Written Torah and the Oral Torah. And this is something that all students can relate to. When you are a student and you sit in school for about eight hours on average every day, you have many different classes a day and different subjects. So the teacher is standing there in front of the classroom, speaking to you, giving over information and knowledge, and what do you do if you want to remember what she says so you can later get it right on the test or – better yet – use it for life? You take notes! Now, most people do not write down every single word the teacher says. (Some people don’t even write a single word the teacher says, relying instead on their friends’ notes, but that’s a separate issue.) So you listen to what the teacher is saying, and you write the general ideas. Might there be things that you are missing, especially if the teacher is going fast? Yes; definitely!

If the teacher is telling you a story in connection with the lesson, you probably won’t write the entire story down, but you might write a few key words or jot down "story about ___", and when you later look over your notes and see those few words or one sentence, you will remember the entire story. But what about a girl who is not in class that day and later copies your notes? Will she be able to know the entire story based on the few words you wrote down as a reminder to yourself? No; she won’t. It will be up to you to explain it to her.

And that, according to Rav Hirsch, is the relationship between the Oral Torah and the Written Torah. The Oral Torah is the lesson, and the Written Torah – the Chumash – are the notes taken on the lesson. So the people who were at the lesson only need some notes in order to remember the whole lesson. But for those who did not hear the lesson, those notes are not of much use. Those notes will not be able to give them as thorough an understanding of the lesson as if they had been there. And if they try to understand the whole lesson and put it together in their minds based on those brief notes, they will of course make quite a few mistakes. They won’t understand parts of it, they will think other parts are useless, and so on.
And that is why we need the Oral Torah, which is a more accurate representation of the lesson than the brief notes that are written down in the pesukim.

One of the things that people sometimes ask is, “Where does it say that in the Torah?” If they don’t want to follow a certain halakha or they want to find a way around it, they say, “Show me where it says that in this Chumash. It does not say anywhere that I can’t do these things that the Rabbis are telling me not to do! If you find me where it says I have to do that, then I’ll do it! Why should I do it if it’s not in the Torah?”

If you understand what Rav Hirsch wrote, you will understand why that is a wrong attitude. A person cannot just decide to only follow what is written straight out in the Torah, because a) the Written Torah is not the primary source of halakha, and b) the Written Torah is just like notes on a lesson; it does not contain everything. You need the oral tradition in order to know what the halakha is. Therefore, a person cannot say that because a certain halakha comes from the Oral Torah, it is any less important than something that is written straight out in the Chumash – because it is every bit as important.

It says in Shemot 24:7 (Parshat Mishpatim) the following:

ויקח ספר הברית ויקרא באזני העם ויאמרו כל אשר דבר ה' נעשה ונשמע

Moshe took the Sefer HaBrit and read it to the nation, and they said, “All that Hashem speaks, we will do and we will listen.”

When we were children, we always learned that the Jews first said that they will do and then said they will listen because they wanted to show that they were accepting the Torah unconditionally – they agreed to follow everything G-d would tell them, even before they knew what it was.

Rav Hirsch, however, explains this differently. He says that “na’ase” refers to the Written Torah, and “nishma” refers to the Oral Torah. So the Jews were agreeing to not only do what is written in the Torah, but also to follow all that G-d has told them. They accepted upon themselves to follow the oral tradition as well, so that they could serve Hashem completely – because without the Oral Torah, our avodat Hashem would be incomplete. We need it. Both parts of the Torah are important, and we need to learn from each of them.

Winter Wonderland

2010-02-10T15:45:00.003-05:00

What can be better than waking up at 11:30 AM after a wonderful full nine hours of sleep, knowing that you do not have to get up right away, and looking out the window to see a beautiful world covered in snow, white and peaceful?

Now this is what I call winter.

It looks as if it would be such fun to run around and jump in that snow and have a snowball fight, but with whom? Anyone here in Flatbush up for that?

Meanwhile, I am diligently working on all my homework and assignments. Yes, I am using my day off from school to work on all those things.... I am preparing a parsha lesson for this Friday on Parshat Mishpatim (parts of which I would like to share on my blog once I am done), doing Pirkei Avot homework, reading and taking notes on three chapters of a book on Jewish history (in Hebrew), completing a homework sheet on the 1920s in America, finding topics for my speech for class, and so on. If at any time somebody wants to introduce some more fun into that schedule, you are more than welcome to do so.

The Big 1-0-0

2010-02-05T15:28:00.003-05:00

When I began this blog in April of 2009, I was not sure how far it would go. But now, after less than a year, here I am with my 100th post!

A huge thank you to my readers and to those who comment. Feedback is always appreciated, and I love when my posts provoke a discussion. I have no problem just writing everything with pen and paper, but when I know that I have an audience here, it encourages me to share more of my thoughts and ideas in hopes that it will be helpful, informative, interesting, or entertaining to someone. So thank you for being my audience.

I suppose that the next goal is to reach 200!

Happy Face

2010-01-30T23:50:00.004-05:00

Life is pretty good right now. I finished finals earlier this month and then enjoyed my week of midwinter vacation. Work hard, play hard. It seems that around finals time there is not much of a chance to have fun with friends, so my friends and I made up for that with a get-together last Shabbat as well as a sleepover on Motzei Shabbat, where I was introduced to Dance Dance Revolution. I also somehow found myself spending five days in Manhattan (all part of the 'play hard' plan) and had a wonderful time. I went for a bit of entertainment and music on some of those days. Another day I went shopping with my friends and realized more than ever just how amazing they are. (I even got a little story for my readers from Annie, which I'll have to post later.) And since a vacation cannot be all fun, I threw in just the right dose of business -- a college interview on Tuesday. To my great surprise, that turned out to be fun as well. I think that the last time my readers heard of this topic, I was saying that I wanted to go to Brooklyn College and was also searching for a seminary in Brooklyn to go to part-time. Well, a lot of things have changed since then, and I must write about that too! After my college interview, I basked in the beauty of Manhattan on a chilly January day before heading up to Washington Heights for YU's SOY Seforim Sale, where I met Chana, who was surprisingly bouncy and full of energy even after donating blood. (I am not quite sure how she does it.) So I now have enough reading material to last me some time, and I am very excited about that. I ended my vacation on a high note on Wednesday with another evening of entertainment in Manhattan, and on Thursday I reluctantly returned to school for the spring semester.

I have not had this much fun in months. :]

And the best part of it is that I am motivated to write now and work on my novel! Happy Hannah.

Virus, Go Away

2010-01-22T14:45:00.002-05:00

Although people who create these computer viruses should rot in jail for the rest of their lives and then burn in hell for eternity for being such annoying little pests with nothing better to do than to make other people miserable, there is not much we can do about that. But once our computers are infected, at least we should know how to get rid of those viruses. Personally, I always ask my father to get rid of the viruses. After having my computer attacked twice in the course of a month or two by the same virus (and apparently both my father and sister's laptops were also attacked by it), my father wrote a guide on his blog to getting rid of this particular virus. So if you find yourself being harassed by fake virus alerts (which is the virus itself) and unable to open up any programs, you know what to do in advance.

All You Need is Love

2010-01-18T17:00:00.004-05:00

I love, love, love my friends. But this post is dedicated to the three with whom I spent the time between finals today in school -- the three who can make me just relax and stop worrying about my finals and think about how fortunate I am in having such friends.

Mornings are not the happiest of times during the school year, especially after you have had a grand total of four hours of sleep the night before and are quite stressed and would like nothing more than to hibernate and not have to do anything or speak to anyone. But I am very fortunate in that there are three very lovely individuals whose smiles brighten my mornings when I come to school. I do not enjoy mornings, and therefore I was very shocked as, when I was about to go to sleep late one night, I thought to myself that I am very excited for the morning to come, so I can wake up and go to school. And why was I so looking forward to that? Because I would see my three wonderful, amazing, delightful friends. And when I am looking forward to waking up so I can see someone, you know that they are really something special. And they are.

We often say that we are like a family -- and we are. We are there for each other, we listen, we discuss, we comfort, we advise, we smile, we laugh. They are the kinds of people that I can just run up to and randomly hug.

I am only sorry that next year we will no longer be together there. I hope that we will always be together, but there is something special about seeing each other every day in school and spending most lunchtimes together -- in the library or sitting around the piano in the auditorium -- that cannot be duplicated. I feel like I have finally found my place, like I am a part of something beautiful and special, and I do not want this to end. Who knows? Perhaps a year from now we will all be sitting together around another piano, in someone's living room, saying, "Remember when...?" and feeling as if it happened so long ago, when in reality not that much time has passed. I certainly hope that despite our different paths in life and plans for the future years, we will all find time to get together, like a family at a Shabbat dinner table. All the members have their own lives, their own places and responsibilities, but they all come together regularly and unite once more.

So who are these three beautiful individuals who make me smile and laugh and be joyful and thankful for my life? There is Selene*, whom I have known since pre-school. There is Elise*, whom I met a number of years ago. And then there is Annie*, who caught my attention quite unexpectedly when she came to my school last year. What boggles my mind every day though is how we all found each other and how everything connected so perfectly. (I am actually still not quite sure how that happened....)

Selene is a bright, mature, responsible girl with a heart of gold. (Actually, all three of them have a heart of gold.) She is thoughtful and grounded, and she thinks about things thoroughly before accepting them. She cares about the truth and stands up for it. She is not afraid to speak about what she thinks is right, even if by doing so she alienates herself from the rest of the class. She feels strongly, and the way in which she expresses her feelings proves the intensity of them. She is dedicated to her beliefs and will not be swayed or influenced by popular opinion. This is the kind of girl that will never give in to peer pressure. She knows who she is and what she stands for, and she will not give it up even if she is outnumbered five to one in a debate. She does not try to be who she is not in order to fit in, and one of the things I love so much about her is her frankness. You always know where you stand with her and you know that all her words are sincere. There are no mind games and there is no manipulation -- everything is straightforward, honest, and clear. If she says something, she means it, and if something needs to be discussed, it is done without melodrama. You don't have to play guessing games with her or constantly wonder whether she means what she says. If something is wrong, she will tell you directly, instead of pretending that all is fine and well and leaving you frustrated, wondering what that is all about. Unfortunately, it has become so common for girls to be manipulative in their social interactions that a gem like Selene is hard to come by. Talking to her is wonderfully refreshing because she is opinionated, well-spoken, and multi-faceted. I keep discovering new things about her every day and there is no such thing as running out of things to discuss when we are having a conversation. Selene can be both serious and lighthearted, depending on the situation, and conversations can go from being light to being deep in a matter of minutes. But no matter what the conversation is about, she would never allow a hurtful word to pass her lips when she is speaking to her friends. Even if my opinion ever differs from hers, she does not deride me for it or imply even through a facial expression that I might be wrong. I have plenty of friends who will look at me as if I have grown a second head if I do so much as think, act, or dress outside the box. But Selene can appreciate a person's individuality instead of criticizing it. In fact, she values people who feel comfortable enough in their own skin that they do not feel they need to conform. And she is that type of person herself. She is not afraid to be different and to make up her own rules instead of going along with the rest of the mindless herd. Selene is Selene, and nobody can take that away from her. And when she smiles, her whole face just lights up, and it is so beautiful to behold. She smiles with her eyes, and they sparkle and glow, and it just makes you want to smile along with her -- and I do.

Elise is one of the most easygoing people I know. When I first met her, I was dazzled by how high on life she seemed. She smiled easily, she cracked jokes, and she was like a little ball of energy that just keeps on bouncing. If someone sneaks up behind me and unexpectedly envelops me in a hug, it is most likely to be Elise. She spreads joy wherever she goes, and the effect it has on our little group is palpable. Even when she is going through something difficult, she still has enough of that energy of hers to make all the rest of us feel good. She cares deeply for her friends and is always willing to lend an ear or a shoulder. She is the embodiment of compassion, empathy, and kindness, and there is in her what can only be described as absolute goodness. I have yet to meet another person who cares so deeply about her friends and feels for them as keenly as if it had been for herself. If a friend is in pain, Elise is in pain. But she does not limit her compassion to merely feeling; she takes it upon herself to make her friends feel better, using as much of her time and energy as necessary. When a friend needs to vent, Elise is there to listen and advise, and when the friend does not wish to speak, Elise does everything that is in her power to show that she cares. And often, that is just as important as anything else. When you know that there is someone who cares about you and loves you and wishes to make you happy, life already seems a bit brighter. Her deep and unabated concern for her friends presses her to do more than superficially ask, "Is everything all right?" Elise does not just speak -- she acts. She is able to understand people and to read into their actions in order to see that something is bothering them. Elise is able to put her own needs aside in order to focus on those of her friends, and you do not get the feeling that she would rather be doing something else. When she focuses her attention on you, you know that you matter and that she wants to hear what you have to say. She is not just asking if you are okay to be nice -- she actually wants to hear what is going on in your life and what is bothering you. She is so unbelievably sincere. She has a very deep sense of right and wrong and she does not just act without thinking. Elise does not just go with what feels 'fun' -- she allows her conscience to lead her. She also believes in the goodness of her friends and wants to believe the best of them, and she helps people believe in themselves. Elise is like a ray of sunshine, lighting up the room and putting some light into lives that would otherwise be governed by stress and worries. She can make you forget everything else, and that is a wonderful thing when the "everything else" consists of finals, assignments, and responsibilities.

Annie is another little ray of sunshine... and a breath of fresh air. She is the kind of person you can spot in an auditorium with three hundred people because of her bright red gorgeous curly hair. And when I need to find my friends, I usually use that bobbing red ponytail as my guide as I weave through the crowd of high school students. And honestly, her hair color could not be more perfect to describe the type of person she is. She is bubbly, lively, and full of energy -- kind of like the little Energizer Bunny you see in commercials, except ten times more. She just keeps going and going, until you start to wonder if her batteries ever need recharging. (I somehow doubt it.) There is never a dull moment around her, and if there is not enough in life to keep us all amused, she will make sure to find something. I first met Annie last yet, when I was working as a librarian in my school's library. She marched into the library, saw that I was working there, and asked me if I could recommend any books on a certain theme. It seemed that she was determined to find a book that would back up a point she was trying to make, and all I could think of was, "Well, this is certainly a change!" Usually, girls' requests are more along the lines of, "Ugh.. I need a book for my report. Do you have any books from the reading list that are short?" or "Can you just find me something good from this list the teacher gave us for the report?" And there was Annie, this young freshman, who was bold and assertive and knew exactly what she wanted. I soon realized that the books I was trying to recommend her she had already read. And that is one of the things I love about Annie -- her thirst for knowledge and for understanding. She does not just go through the motions of everyday life, doing whatever she has to but nothing else. Annie does things for herself, not just because she 'has to.' She is the type of person who will actually read a book if I recommend it, instead of saying, "Oh, it sounds interesting" and never touching it. She is open-minded and willing to listen to what you have to say, and if she disagrees with you, she will say so. However, even if she disagrees, she will allow you to try to persuade her if your argument is logical and reasonable. She does not accept things blindly, but if what you say makes sense, she will give it further thought and consideration. But she is not a little marionette, to be manipulated at will. Annie is strong and independent. Annie is Annie, and she stays true to herself no matter what. She does not have this mentality of "I have to hide my true self in order to fit in" which seems prevalent among teenagers. She does not need to fit in. She does not have to pretend -- not when she is with friends and not when she is with teachers. She is outgoing and talkative, and I doubt that there is a shy bone in her body. Most of all, she reminds me of Annie from the 1982 musical film of the same name. She does not let her age impede her. She has no problem asking an adult frank questions or interrogating a complete stranger. I recently witnessed her begin a conversation with an adult in school she had never met before, and she was perfectly comfortable saying exactly what was on her mind. I saw the way the woman smiled at her, somewhat surprised at being thus openly addressed and inquired as to her identity. "Only Annie," I thought to myself. What I love about Annie is that you feel so comfortable around her, no matter who you are... well, unless you are an ill-equipped teacher whose theories have just been shattered by Annie's logic. And that is precisely what I love about Annie. She thinks and she examines life and challenges ideas and people in order to come to the right conclusions, and that can lead to the most interesting conversations. And we all know that I love interesting conversations.

Selene, Elise, and Annie all have hearts of gold, and it is so pleasant just to be around them. They are not judgmental; they allow you to be yourself and love you for it. Do you know how amazing it is to be loved for who you are -- for the real version -- and not feeling as if you have to hide certain parts of yourself because your friends would not 'approve' of them? It is delightful.

What I used to do during lunchtimes or free periods or breaks was considerably more antisocial than what I do now. I used to find a nice little staircase or corner in the school and spend all my free time writing. And now... now I seek out Selene, Elise, and Annie because they are some of the most amazing people ever and every minute I spend with them is delightful. And I always wonder, What did I do to deserve such wonderful friends? (I am still not quite sure of the answer.) All I know is that I am fortunate in having them in my life (and that also applies to all my other friends that I did not write about here).

I love and adore you guys, and you mean the world to me.

*Names have been changed.

It Seems Like it's Going to Rain

2010-01-16T19:05:00.000-05:00

This 10-minute episode of the Russian Winnie Pooh is the most ADORABLE thing ever. I love watching all these Russian videos on YouTube.... They bring back such memories, since I used to listen to Russian children's songs all the time when I was little. (And for all you non-Russian speaking people, there are English subtitles!)

The Other Side

2010-01-12T13:54:00.001-05:00

There is usually more than one way of interpreting a person's actions or words, and depending on what you want to see or hear or believe of the person, you will understand these things in different ways.

Two people can have completely different interpretations of a single action or speech, and these understandings sometimes form a full contrast to each other. They are total opposites. The same action can be either praised or condemned, depending on how you look at it.

The Torah illustrates this point repeatedly, but I want to specifically mention two instances in Bereishit (Genesis) in which the commentaries on the Torah had opposing understandings of somebody's actions.

1. 4:13 -- ויאמר קין אל ה' גדול עוני מנשוא

After Cain's murder of his brother Abel, G-d punished him by cursing him through the ground and condemns him to a life as a wanderer, unable to settle in one place. Here, Cain asks G-d whether his iniquity is too great to bear. Or at least that is what it means according to the simple explanation of the verse -- the pshat. But according to other explanations, Cain was not asking a question. Rather, he was admitting the severity of his sin.

Rashi writes, based on Bereishit Rabbah:

בתמיה, אתה טוען עליונים ותחתונים, ועוני אי אפשר לטעון

According to Rashi, Cain was asking a question; he said that G-d is able to bear the upper and lower worlds, and yet it is impossible for Him to bear Cain's sin? If G-d is so mighty, why can He not bear a simple human's action? After all, compared to supporting the entire world, it seems almost like nothing. Cain was questioning G-d's decree and trying to get more mercy and a lighter sentence, even though G-d was kind enough to him in allowing him to continue living. So according to Rashi, Cain was claiming that his sin was not too great to bear.

Ramban, on the other hand, says something completely different. First he quotes Rashi, and then he proceeds to disagree with him by saying:

והנכון בפשט שהוא וידוי אמר אמת כי עוני גדול מלסלוח וצדיק אתה ה' וישר משפטיך

Cain was in reality saying viduy -- he was confessing his sin and admitting that his sin was too great to bear or forgive, and that G-d was the righteous one and made a fair decree. According to Ramban, Cain was also saying to G-d that he is being thrown off the face of the earth and that G-d is hiding His face from him because Cain will no longer be able to pray or bring sacrifices, but nevertheless, Cain admits that he fully deserves the punishment and that G-d acted fairly with him.

Now that is quite a difference! If you look at Rashi, you see Cain as someone who does not want to admit his guilt or repent of the crime, but who only wants G-d to be more lenient with him, while if you look at Ramban, you see a fragile human being who confesses the severity of his sin and mourns that he is being sent away from G-d's presence and will no longer be able to pray to him or bring sacrifices. He sees that he will be all alone in the world from that time, and that without G-d's protection, he is vulnerable and will inevitably be killed. Rashi and Ramban paint two completely different portraits of Cain, and that is what makes it fascinating to read and learn all the different outlooks. It seems that Judaism is very much about being able to see one thing multiple ways. That's the beauty of it.

2. 4:26 -- ולשת גם הוא ילד בן ויקרא את שמו אנוש אז הוכל לקרא בשם השם

Adam's third son, Seth, had a son named Enosh, and then it became common to call by the name of G-d.

And once again we have two commentaries whose interpretations of this verse are nothing alike. One commentary says that this refers to the beginning of idol worship, while the other commentary says that calling out G-d's name was to counteract the forces of avoda zara. But either way, it seems that idol worship began in the time of Enosh.

Rashi interprets the word "huchal" as the following:

לשון חולין. לקרא את שמות האדם ואת שמות העצבים בשמו של הקב"ה לעשותן עבודה זרה ולקרותן אלהות

It is an expression of profaneness, of cheapness -- to call people and idols with the name of the Holy One in order to make them idols and call them gods.

People cheapened G-d's name and made it mundane by using it for inanimate objects and creating gods for themselves. So the fact that it became common to call by the name of G-d refers to idol worship, according to Rashi.

Sforno also draws a connection to idol worship, but he takes this verse in a totally different direction. He writes:

אז התחילו צדיקי הדור לדרוש לרבים את שם ה' כענין ויקרא שם בשם ה' אל עולם כי הוצרכו לסתור דעות עובדי כוכבים וגלולים שהתחילו אז כדברי רז"ל

The righteous people of that generation then began to publicly call out in the name of G-d in order to counteract the forces of avoda zara that began at that time.

So the same word -- huchal -- can be used to refer to either idol worshippers or to those who fought against it, depending on how you understand the verse!

Life works the same way. Many things depend on your outlook and your understanding of them -- if you choose to see it one way, that is how it will be to you. But there is always another way to look at it that is equally correct and equally reasonable to believe.

Idiocy is Alive and Well

2010-01-11T18:36:00.003-05:00

I was extremely disturbed and horrified by what I witnessed today in school, and it made me wonder whether some people will ever grow up and see something beyond their looks, apparel, excursions, and morning hot cocoa or coffee.

Someone had set up a hot water urn in the student lounge today and provided cocoa mix, whipped cream, and marshmellows. That is all very well and lovely, and I am sure all my classmates were thankful for that, especially since if they had a free period or a few minutes between classes, they could enjoy a nice cup of hot cocoa. When you are learning and running around all day, preoccupied with your studies, refreshments are always very much appreciated.

But as we were going to Holocaust class, I noticed a few girls calmly making themselves a drink in preparation. They mixed the cocoa powder in with the boiling water, elaborately placed whipped cream on top, dropped a couple of marshmellows in, and were all prepared to go learn about the Holocaust. I asked them whether they were planning on taking that to class, and they replied that of course they were. One of the girls said that we will be watching a video. The implication was that footage of the Holocaust and hot cocoa go together well.

We were watching Genocide today, a video containing personal narratives of experiences in the Holocaust as well as extremely graphic footage of Jews being killed, of rotting skeletal corpses being swung and thrown into pits, of entire piles of corpses lying around in the death camps, of ovens and burned bodies, of the dead and the dying.

I felt physically sick at those sights, and a few girls were crying. And there were those girls, enjoying their hot drinks as if nothing happened, as if nothing mattered. One of them wanted more whipped cream to go with her movie drink, so she walked out and returned with the entire container of whipped cream and proceeded to enjoy herself thoroughly while horrifying images flashed before our eyes and survivors' testimonies were read of the cruel things they had to endure and of their separation from their beloved parents and of the agony of knowing that your entire family has been wiped out.

I heard this girl whispering with her friends, laughing loudly at the beginning, etc.

And I wanted to get out of my seat, walk over to her, and strangle her. (But I thought that it would not go over well with the school or her parents, if you know what I mean.)

You would think that by the time a girl reaches that age, she might acquire a bit more sensitivity, especially when dealing with a subject like the Holocaust. Is that really too much to hope for? Do such girls ever grow up? Because, quite honestly, I am beginning to despair of that.

Compromise

2010-01-08T12:54:00.007-05:00

Try to see it my way,
Do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on?
While you see it your way,
Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.

~ "We Can Work It Out" -- The Beatles

What is a compromise? It is a concession, when both sides agree to meet in the middle, and both parties are satisfied with the result. A compromise involves effort and some degree of sacrifice from both sides.

Think of what you're saying.
You can get it wrong and still you think that it's all right.
Think of what I'm saying,
We can work it out and get it straight, or say good night.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.

Why is it then that when people suggest making a compromise, what they are really implying is that the other person should be the one to compromise? When has compromise become something the other side should do? Is it not supposed to involve both parties giving something up in order to agree on the middle road, to get a fair result? Why then does 'working it out' mean that you expect the other person to 'think of what you're saying' and see the situation from your point of view, while having to abandon his/her own? Why is it that you expect the other person to give up his/her own opinion in favor of yours, while you do not even consider looking at the matter from his/her position?

Life is very short, and there's no time
For fussing and fighting, my friend.
I have always thought that it's a crime,
So I will ask you once again.
Try to see it my way,
Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong.
While you see it your way
There's a chance that we might fall apart before too long.
We can work it out,
We can work it out.

How are you working it out if you are depriving the other person of a personal opinion or a fair chance? How is it compromise if you are not willing to give anything up yourself? You are telling the other person, "while you see it your way, there's a chance that we might fall apart before too long," but what about you? Have you ever considered how that applies to you too? That while you only see it your way and ask your partner to constantly compromise, you are the only ruining the friendship, relationship, marriage?

A compromise goes both ways, and the best way to compromise is by starting with yourself -- by showing that you are willing to give something up in order to make the other person happy, and then perhaps that will encourage the other person to give something up too, so that both of you can come to a fair, mutually satisfying conclusion. You must take that first step; you cannot demand it of the other person and then refuse to budge an inch yourself. Both parties must be involved in the agreement, and both must accept the conditions and give up certain things.

That is compromising.

Inspired by Summer Storms

2010-01-06T18:00:00.002-05:00

Check out the latest issue of The Jewish Press (January 8, 2010) for a story written by yours truly.

You can also read it online.

Baring All

2009-12-27T23:03:00.004-05:00

Part of blogging is letting a large audience of strangers into your world -- your life, your mind, your thoughts. It is sharing a part of yourself with people you have never met or heard of, in the hope that your writing will put a smile on someone's face, teach someone an idea he/she had never heard of but finds interesting, inspire a person, or show them that they are not alone in feeling or thinking a certain way.

But opening yourself up to this vast, unidentified audience also has its drawbacks, such as a loss of privacy to a certain degree. In fact, one of the things people have said to me in trying to expose the 'evils' of blogging was, "Why would you want your life to be out there for everyone to see? Why do all these people and strangers have to know this about you?"

Well, first of all, this is not my whole life. I am quite selective about what I put up on my blog, and I have often started or planned blog posts that never materialized only because I decided that the subject was unnecessary for me to share.

Also, I choose to share some thoughts or happenings because I hope others might benefit from it. It might open new channels of thought, provide them with information or inspiration, or help them come to terms with things in their own lives because they see that they are not alone in some of their doubts, frustrations, thoughts, or emotions. And, of course, it might on occasion provide people with some much-needed entertainment after a long, hard, or boring day. I personally love reading blogs when I feel stressed because it helps take my mind off things and sometimes even makes me smile. And if one of my anecdotes about my life does that for someone else, then it's worth it.

One of the interesting things about blogging though is that you are tricked into feeling that you know the author of the blog when, in reality, you are only skimming the surface. When I blog, I am not putting my life out there. My life is not a book or a movie for others to jump into. I will not give you detailed stories about my day (unless there is something highly interesting I can relate or I am in a foreign country and feel as if I already am a character in a story). I will not tell you what I am thinking about now or what I have been struggling with the entire weekend. Unfortunately though, some people assume that because I have a blog I have no more privacy left; that my personal life is on display and I am making a story out of my feelings. I am a writer, and that is how I express myself, but that does not mean that everyone has to see it. Those who care to observe me (or simply cannot help noticing) will see that I am constantly writing in notebooks. I write pages and pages about my life and what I am experiencing, and not even a tenth of that ends up on my blog. I know quite well how to maintain my privacy.

Sometimes, when I read other blogs, I think, "This is getting kind of personal... How is he/she comfortable with sharing so much?" But obviously, for every one thing that a blogger shares, there is another one or two or even twenty that he/she does not allow you to see. It is all a matter of deciding what you want to make public and what needs to be kept to yourself.

Another thing that is important is not only knowing how to maintain your privacy but knowing how to respect that of others. There are many bloggers who are anonymous and can freely write about their families and friends because nobody knows who they are anyway. It seems as if they have a license to write whatever they want because of their anonymity. I, on the other hand, am somewhat limited in what I can write about. My family reads my blog, as do my friends, and I cannot write much about them because I never know what they might object to, and people will read it and know who I am talking about. So for the most part, I am limited to writing about myself and about unrecognizable acquaintances or strangers (and of course ideas).

But even when I write about myself, it is not quite enough to let other people know me as a person. It will give my readers little snippets here and there as well as some general ideas about who I am and what I care about, but that is about it. In order to get to know me, you would have to actually talk to me and develop a personal connection. You would have to get to know me not as inkstainedhands, but as Hannah.

Conversely, I feel that those of my friends who do not read my blog do not know a certain side of me. One of the reasons I keep a blog is that there are messages and thoughts that I would like to discuss and put out there that I would be unable to bring up in casual conversation. There are so many things I want to let other people know and I want to talk about, but it is impossible to do so face to face. What I write about is important to me and it is a part of who I am, but even my closest friends would be completely unaware of it if they do not see my blog or my writing. I feel more comfortable expressing myself through writing, so a lot of who I am is contained in it.

It is all summed up quite nicely by a remark one of my friends recently made: "There is a lot more to you than meets the eye." That applies to each and every one of us. We are complex and human, and it takes a lot of effort to get to know each person. It is not so easy as reading a blog, nor is it as simple as being my friend.

The bottom line is that in order to know me more closely you would have to both get to know me through my writing and as a friend, because each of those paths will lead you to a different side of me, which combined make Hannah Rozenblat.

Sicha Im Ha'Isha and Self-Deprecation

2009-12-22T18:31:00.009-05:00

I wanted to write about the famous often-quoted (and often misquoted) phrase in Pirkei Avot about excessive conversation with a woman, but my schedule has been very busy, so I had no choice but to wait for a better time. Right now seems like the right time though, especially since Bad4Shidduchim just wrote a post about self-deprecation and the impression it makes on a date. So, how do these two things -- self-deprecation and excessive conversation -- connect? What do they have to do with each other?

There are a few lessons written in Pirkei Avot 1:5 in the name of Yosi ben Yochanan. The one I will be focusing on is the following:

ואל תרבה שיחה עם האשה. באשתו אמרו. קל וחומר באשת חברו. מכאן אמרו חכמים כל זמן שאדם מרבה שיחה עם האשה, גורם רעה לעצמו

Yosi ben Yochanan warned not to engage in excessive conversation with a woman. This is said about a man's own wife, so even more so about another man's wife. From here, the sages say that one who talks excessively with a woman causes himself harm.

This can be interpreted a few different ways, but for our purposes, we are going to go with the Bartenura -- Rav Obadiah ben Avraham's commentary. He gives different examples of how talking excessively with a woman can cause a man harm, and his reasons are very logical. I am going to focus on his second explanation of the bad effects of sicha im ha'isha.

א"נ מתוך שהוא מספר לה שחבריו גינוהו וביישוהו אף היא מבזה אותו בלבה. וזה גורם רעה לעצמו

When he talks to his wife (and the same thing can apply to a woman he is dating) and he tells her how his friends shamed him, she will also come to scorn him in her heart.

Sicha refers to idle chatter. When it is excessive, the chances are greater that someone will make a self-deprecating comment to make the conversation more interesting or to entertain the other person.

It is important for a wife to be able to respect her husband, but if he is constantly putting himself down and, so to speak, saying lashon hara about himself, it will inevitably affect the way she perceives him and relates toward him. While open communication and honesty is obviously important in a marriage, or in any relationship, there are certain limits to everything. In this case, one must draw limits when it comes to self-deprecating remarks. Nobody is perfect, and as human beings, we are all flawed -- that is the beauty of it. We would not be as interesting if we were all perfect. But at the same time, there is no need for us to draw attention to our failings.

You might think that you are only being honest because you care about someone and want them to know "the real you," but at what price? Are you willing to risk losing respect in the eyes of your wife or the woman you are dating? Are you willing to risk the failure of your relationship if, as Bad4Shidduchim wrote, you discuss your flaws on the first or second date and that is the first impression your date has of you?

It is easy to say that we should not judge a person or respect him less because of his flaws, since all of us have our flaws, but when that person parades his faults and stamps them onto his forehead, it is difficult not to view him in that light. I know that I try not to judge people unfavorably, but when they display themselves in a negative light and tell me how lazy, useless, or unintelligent they are, I cannot help but see them that way. I might say to them, "No, don't say that; you are not as bad or as unlikable as you think or make yourself seem," but at the same time, those words become imprinted on my mind in connection with this person. It has happened more than once to me that people spoke scornfully of themselves, and I formed a negative opinion of them based on that. And I really did not mean to do that.... That is just what happened as a result of what they said. It feels so ironic though that I lost respect for some people because they spoke self-deprecatingly about themselves.

People are serious when they tell you that sometimes you are your own worst enemy.

Bingo!

2009-12-20T13:53:00.002-05:00

Knowing something and having no clue as to how you know it or what the source is just might be one of the most frustrating things when you are trying to convince someone else of something.

I remember finding a little piece of information in a Chumash with English commentary once in seventh grade -- a full five years ago -- but since it was not my Chumash, I could not go back and check afterwards. I could not even remember which commentary it was, so there was no way for me to find the original source -- not that I was even interested in finding an original source in seventh grade. I just stored the little tidbit that I had learned in my mind and mentioned it to some people when the subject came up. The inevitable question was always, "How do you know?" And what could I possibly answer besides for, "Um, I'm not quite sure where that piece of information can be found, but I remember reading it in some Chumash." Without a source, people will not fully believe what you say, for which I don't blame them, because I would do the same thing.

Well, guess what!

I finally found the source after five years of wondering! So I am not crazy after all, and I did not imagine it.

For this, I owe a huge thank you to the Yalkut Me'am Lo'ez, who not only gathers all the information but also lists all his sources! I love The Torah Anthology. :]

Getting Right Back Up

2009-12-08T22:30:00.003-05:00

As a little four- and five-year-old kid, I used to run around a lot and fall down often, so my knees were generally bruised, bloody, or covered in scabs or old scars. You can still see in some old pictures of me the two bandaids covering my knees where I had hurt myself. And yet, I never thought of slowing down. I wouldn't learn from the pain, and the next time I had a chance to stretch my legs outside, I would do so without hesitation. So I would fall down over and over again, tearing apart the skin on my knees and the palms of my hands, and I would get back up. Yes, I would sometimes cry from the stinging pain, but it would all be forgotten the very next day (or in more painful situations, the very next week).

As kids, we quickly get used to the fact that there are unpleasant surprises and unexpected bumps in the road. We learn that falling flat on our faces does not have to be the end of the world, and we learn to pick ourselves up and move on with life. In fact, that is how we learn how to walk. We stumble forward a few steps and then we fall, but we never stay down. We jump right back up and continue on with determination.

In my opinion, however, it is with greater difficulty that we learn to pick ourselves up as adults after experiencing emotional pain or going through any other trying experience. All of a sudden, it is harder to get back on our feet, and we very often prefer to stay down there on the ground, feeling sorry for ourselves. We forget that it is in our power to pull ourselves together and move on, learning from the experience rather than allowing it to bring -- and keep -- us down.

But just as we learned to overcome the little bumps and bruises (and blood) when we were children, we must learn now to overcome everything else as well. We must learn to get up, no matter how hard it feels, brush ourselves off, and continue walking.

Don't let anyone or anything bring you down and keep you lying there in the mud, because it is not a pleasant thing.

A Different Kind of Hell

2009-12-07T20:19:00.003-05:00

Hell is when adults paint their own ideas of perfection over a child's natural unique traits and individuality.

Hell is not recognizing yourself in the mirror because the image you see is the same as that of any other person.

Hell is having a lot to say but fearing to voice those thoughts because you will stand out and be condemned.

Hell is having questions that are unwelcome and are greeted with hostility wherever they are asked.

Hell is feeling stifled because you are never good enough.

Hell is never being good enough because you are different.

Heaven is realizing that your individuality will no longer bring you pain and they were wrong.

My Ketuba

2009-12-04T00:29:00.004-05:00

Now that's a good title for a blog post written by a girl who just turned 18, isn't it? But I'll explain. ;]

A lot of people have been asking me how my writing is going. Well... um... how do I say this? It sometimes goes and it sometimes just does not go. (For some reason, the former was the case more often in the past few months.) I am working on some short stories now as well as school writing assignments, but I don't feel that surge of creativity as often when it comes to words.

But I like to feel as if I've done something creative recently and I want to have what to show for my effort, so for now I am focusing on my artwork. I have a few pieces hanging in my school's hallway that I did for an art class assignment, which I would love to take a picture of and post here once I get them back. For now though, I have a picture of another assignment. We were told to make a colorful ketuba (without the text, just with the first letter), and I decided to have a little fun with mine.

The brown background is just the back of my drawing pad, not part of the ketuba.

Here's a closeup of the gold detail on the yellow arch at the top:

I loved using that gold marker -- it just made everything more interesting and sparkly. The same goes for the silver sharpie, although that was being very moody, often refusing to cooperate. But since nothing ever goes exactly how you think it will, something was bound to happen, since I was having too much of a good time with the gold and silver. What happened? Oh, just a slight mishap which left my skirt, my hands, and a pile of papers on my desk covered in little drops of gold and silver. I actually found it very amusing. Much water, soap, and scrubbing was later involved in trying to get rid of the sparkly stuff on my hands, but traces of it are still there, so I now sparkle! Lesson for the future -- there is a reason why the instructions always say to shake the marker with the cap on! Ah well, it was fun. :]

Bye Bye Birthday

2009-12-03T23:19:00.003-05:00

Waking up at 6:40 am on my birthday (an hour earlier than I usually do for school) in order to continue studying for a psychology test after four and a half hours of sleep must have been the result of temporary insanity on my part. The good news though was that it was absolutely worth it, because I think I knew the test well.

But when you spend half the night, an hour in the morning, your lunch period, and even some class periods immersed in psychology, and then you have are presented with different cases or scenarios on the test and you have to identify it and understand how it works and why it is so, it is a bit difficult to get the material out of your head -- even once you come home and the test is over and done with.

And that is why I spent my birthday explaining certain moments of my day according to a psychological viewpoint. When my mother picked up my psychology textbook and remarked that she thinks it would be very interesting to read, I couldn't help thinking about the overjustification effect. When my father praised my honesty when it comes to money matters, I thought to myself -- Oh! This is positive reinforcement, which is meant to increase the likelihood of me repeating a certain behavior! I then laughed at myself for not being able to get psychology out of my head.

All in all, I had a pleasant birthday, although it has yet to sink in that I am now a legal adult.

Counting Down the Minutes

2009-12-02T23:16:00.003-05:00

It is 11:17 PM. In less than an hour, the digital clock on my computer screen will read 12:00 AM, the start of December 3rd, and I will be 18.

It's funny; I don't feel as if I am turning 18. This milestone was something I looked forward to since I first became aware of the fact that at this age I would become a legal adult. And yet, now that the hour draws near, I shrink away from it.

Obviously, no tangible change occurs on a birthday -- only your perception of yourself -- but when it is something you have thought about since you were a child, you wonder why you feel nothing now.

If anything, I feel somewhat down because tomorrow will be a day like any other. I will spend half the night tonight studying for a test, I will wake up after very little sleep early tomorrow morning, I will go to school as usual and take the test, and life will go on as usual. And underneath it all, I will be thinking, "But it's my birthday today. Isn't this day supposed to be special and more meaningful than all the other days?" It will give me an opportunity to reflect and write my thoughts, but I am afraid that they might be less cheerful than might be expected from a birthday girl. But thoughts are thoughts -- they're precious whether they are upbeat or dejected.

I had a great year as a 17-year-old. Honestly, I have so many amazing memories from the past twelve months that I can barely believe how wonderful the year has been. I have so much to be thankful for -- and I am thankful -- to G-d, my parents, my family, my friends, my teachers, and all the other amazing people in my life. I can look back on this year with a wide smile, but it is when I think of tomorrow that my smile disappears.

But I won't dwell on that, as it does no good to anyone. Instead, I will focus on studying for tomorrow's test while I resume counting down the minutes until my 18th birthday.

The Disputation at Barcelona and the Mortality of Man

2009-11-17T23:47:00.001-05:00

The history of the Jews has not been an easy one by any stretch of the imagination. Persecution, forced conversions, slaughter, discrimination, ridicule -- all generations have experienced these things to some degree. But in His kindness, G-d allows the Jews a period of time during which they can rebuild and restore themselves after each tragedy. For example, Columbus set sail and discovered America at around the same time as the Spanish Expulsion. (In fact, he sailed during the very same week that the last of the Jews left Spain.) His discovery of America eventually gave the Jews another opportunity to escape the oppression in Europe.

I recently learned about the history of Spanish Jewry in school, and I decided to read The Disputation of Barcelona. It is the written account by Ramban (Nachmanides) of the debate between himself and an apostate named Pablo Christiani in the summer of 1263 in Barcelona. It was held in front of King James I of Aragonia and other Christian nobles. Debates such as these were common in mediaeval Europe, where Christians, seeking to prove the validity of their religion, forced prominent Jews to participate. The Church would then declare that the Christian had won the debate, although it was usually obvious that that was not at all the case. It was as a result of this that Ramban had to leave Spain. The Church published their own version of the debate at Barcelona, but the only surviving account of the event now is that of the Ramban (translated into English by Rabbi Dr. Charles B. Chavel). Although it is only 42 pages, it is a fascinating read, and I would recomment it to anyone (and especially to those who have doubts about the truth of Judaism). You can purchase it here, or try finding it in your local Jewish library or bookstore.

One of the things that I found very interesting was what he said about mankind's original immortality:

"Behold, the first man lived 930 years. Scripture explains that he died because of his sin and that had he not sinned, he would have lives many more [years] or [perhaps] forever. All of us, gentiles and Jews, admit that the sin and pubinshment of the first man will be voided in the era of the Messiah. If so, death will cease from all of us [ordinary mortals] after the coming of Messiah. As far as the Messiah himself is concerned, death is completely inoperative against him. Thus, it is fitting that Messiah live for thousands of years or [even] forever."

(p. 16)

So according to this, man had the potential to live even longer than a millenium, if not forever. But because the first man, Adam, sinned by eating from the Tree of Knowledge, his life was cut short and he could no longer be immortal.

Ramban went on to explain, in answer to the king's question about the whereabouts of the Messiah:

The answer is clearly written in Scripture. The first man was placed in the Garden of Eden, which is upon the earth. When he sinned, it is stated, And the Eternal G-d sent him forth from the Garden of
Eden. If so, this one, who is free from the punishment of man, abides there in the Garden of Eden.

(p. 16)

What Ramban is saying is that since Adam's sin and punishment had no effect on the Messiah, he could both be immortal and dwell in the Garden of Eden. Adam was only expelled from it as a punishment for eating from the Tree of Knowledge.

The Yalkut Me'am Lo'ez, a commentary on the Torah by Rabbi Yaakov Culi (1689 - 1732), has a fascinating explanation of why exactly Adam was banished from the Garden of Eden for his sin. He was punished thoroughly for that sin -- his stature was reduced, his beauty was diminished, he had to work hard for his food, etc. In all, Adam was given ten curses. What I found interesting though was that this commentary connected the curse of mortality to the curse of being banished from the Garden of Eden.

One of the trees that as in the Garden of Eden was the Tree of Life. G-d never forbade Adam from eating the fruit of that specific tree, and according to the Yalkut Me'am Lo'ez:

"G-d would have not minded if Adam had eaten from it and gained immortality; creation was originally set up in such a manner that no creature would die. It was only after Adam sinned that he was banished from the Garden of Eden so that he could not gain immortality by eating from the Tree of
Life."

(p. 278, The Torah Anthology - Genesis I 1.)

G-d wanted Adam to be able to live forever, and Adam did indeed have that opportunity. Not only was G-d watching over him to make sure no harm came to him, but Adam was also permitted to eat from the Tree of Life, which would extend his life. Therefore, when G-d wanted to curse Adam by making him mortal, He also had to banish him from the Garden of Eden, so that Adam would not be able to prolong his life by eating from the Tree of Life. The Yalkut Me'am Lo'ez shows that Adam's expulsion from the Garden of Eden was because of his curse of mortality, which was the punishment for his sin. It was a direct, logical result.

Going back to what Ramban said about the Messiah's immortality, we can apply the Yalkut Me'am Lo'ez's explanation to it. The Messiah can reside in the Garden of Eden, because he is supposed to be immortal.

And when the Mashiach comes to gather our scattered nation and redeem us, we will also have the gift of immortality that we were originally meant to have and would then logically be permitted to experience being in the Garden of Eden.

Happy Endings

2009-11-01T22:31:00.003-05:00

One of the things that always used to frustrate me about Jane Austen's books was the fact that their endings were invariably happy and immaculate. She would tie up all the loose ends, write out in the last page or two exactly what happened to each of the characters (and obviously, only good things happened to the heroes, while the less-than-stellar characters would simply live unhappy lives or something of that sort). I felt that some of her books just lacked depth. Don't get me wrong; I thoroughly enjoyed reading them and there are some that I can read over and over, and they leave me with a smile on my face, but when I think about it, I feel something is missing... and that's reality.

Not all endings are happy. In fact, many of them are quite the opposite. Those who are good and strive to make the world a better place are often the ones who are left heartbroken and have the bitter endings. Characters who should logically live happily ever after because they 'deserve' it often find that life doesn't work that way in reality.

That is something I occasionally struggle with when I am writing fiction. Will I write a tale of hope and redemption, with a happily-ever-after ending, or will my hero die alone somewhere in a ditch, abandoned and broken-hearted? Will my hero learn the hard way that life isn't usually what you want it to be? And if he does, will he afterwards learn that life can also be worthwhile and rewarding, or will he then be disappointed yet again and his hopes dashed? I so wish for my hero to have a happy ending and to see that life can be good and there is still some goodness left in mankind to counter all the ugliness, but what are the chances?

All I know is that the main character of the short story I am currently writing will die under the moon-lit night sky, heartbroken and betrayed.

I thought I had decided on the fate of my novel's hero too, but now I am not so sure.... My novels cannot have fairytale/Jane Austen endings.

I was thinking about happy endings versus sad endings before, but today is the first of November and therefore the beginning of NaNoWriMo, so I had to make some decisions.

Anyway.... Back to my avalanche of school-related assignments. I am a bit amused though at how I did not blog for a few weeks and then -- BAM! -- I started writing one post after another. When it rains, it pours.

Marriages of Life and Death

2009-11-01T14:52:00.004-05:00

Here is an interesting excerpt from The Warsaw Ghetto Diaries, by Dr. Hillel Seidman:

"Finally, I arrive at my own office in Grzybowska Street, and again thousands wait outside. Men seek official marriage certificates to protect their wives, since there is also a rumor that those holding marriage certificates will not be deported. Inside the Kehillah, too, depression reigns; everybody believes that workers alone will not be expelled.
Incidentally, in the house of Rabbi Yitzchak Meir Kanal at 6 Twarda Street are also large crowds -- busily getting married! Bachelors who have work cards marry women who have no work, to save them from deportation. These mass marriages are conducted in great haste. Zionist chalutzim marry chalutzot; tzukunftisim (Bundists) marry tukunftisiot. Women still unmarried seek 'husbands.' The ancient prophesy rings true: 'And on that day seven women will clutch at one man saying we will eat our own bread, wear our own clothes -- just allow your name to protect us.'"
(p. 51)

I guess it didn't matter what type of tablecloths their mothers used or where the girls received their education. Remind me again, why are people so thick-headed these days? Is it because we have gotten so used to the good life that we think every little detail has to be the way we want it to be?

Six Million

2009-10-29T23:48:00.007-04:00

When reading books about the Holocaust or stories from survivors, or watching grainy black and white videos and looking at photographs from which haunted dark eyes stare back at you, there are not enough words to describe the emotions raging inside. Horrified, shocked, confused, mournful, overwhelmed. But words cannot express the depth of those emotions. Words cannot express how I feel as I put a bookmark in the book I am reading because I simply cannot go on. I need a few minutes to internalize it and to allow myself to feel and go through the thoughts whirling in my head. I exhale loudly and close my eyes.

Most of us grew up with an awareness of the Holocaust. Many of us are familiar with the number six million. It is something we know, something we acknowledge. But at the same time, it is a statistic. It is a number. We see the six million as a whole, instead of trying to wrap our minds around the fact that these were six million individuals. For some reason, when we think of a number that big, we fail to grasp the enormity of the tragedy.

This thought particularly struck me as I was reading Dr. Hillel Seidman's The Warsaw Ghetto Diaries, which chronicle his experiences during the Holocaust in the Warsaw Ghetto, where he faithfully wrote in a diary all of what was happening around him. He would often scribble down reports of events even as they were happening, anxious to have everything on paper. In his introduction to the book, Dr. Hillel Seidman recounts how the other Warsaw residents, knowing that he was a talented published writer, encouraged him to “transcribe all Warsaw’s travails and tribulations, a written record for future generations, so that the world should eventually learn the truth” (p. 33). When atrocities are committed, such as those of the Germans against the Jews, it is inevitable that there will later be attempts at denying those happenings. Holocaust deniers are rampant now, despite the fact that not even a century has elapsed since the tragedy. In a world where there are still people with numbers branded on their arms and horrifying stories experienced first-hand, many simply choose to ignore the facts and – out of their hatred for the Jews – spitefully insist that the Holocaust was a hoax. The only way to counter that is by spreading knowledge and teaching facts to as many people as possible, and the accounts of those who witnessed these horrors and lived through them is the perfect conduit. Dr. Seidman’s objective was to show future generations what really happened – that the Holocaust was not just one big horror story but a traumatizing, torturous experience that millions of Jews as real as ourselves had to suffer through. Although it was both difficult and extremely dangerous to keep these diaries, Dr. Seidman persisted, knowing that this was something worth working for, because people had to learn of these things somehow. Leaving a record for the world was especially important considering that the Nazis were careful not to leave written records of the crimes they committed. Although Dr. Seidman did not know whether his diaries would ever be read, a Warsaw businessman named Reb Berel Gefen reminded him of a passage in Avot -- Ethics of the Fathers (2:16) that said, “The work is not up to you to complete. Nor are you free to shirk the responsibility…” (p. 36). And indeed, most of what we know today about the Holocaust is because of the diaries of victims and the stories of survivors. Dr. Seidman knew he had to do whatever he could, both to transcribe what was happening and to leave memories of himself and those around him; the rest was in the hands of G-d. His goal was merely to write the truth and not allow it to be lost, destroyed, or mangled.

It was this particular sentence that struck me: "Every day Warsaw loses another 7000 innocent victims." Think about it.... Seven thousand innocent people were being senselessly slaughtered each day. Seven thousand people who could have done so much with their lives were brutally denied the right to live. It is easier to imagine seven thousand people in your mind than a million, so perhaps that was why this sentence had such an effect on me.

And that is something that encourages me to live my life to the fullest and strive to make a difference, because I am fortunate enough to have the opportunity that millions of Jews were denied.

The Unavoidable Seminary Question

2009-10-26T22:41:00.005-04:00

I just came back from a seminary options evening in my school, where girls from different seminaries spoke to us and described the seminaries they went to -- academics, peer group, and so on.

I never really wanted or planned to go to seminary, so I never gave it a second thought. Seminary was just something the other girls would do -- stressing over whether they would get in to the seminary of their choice, leaving for Israel, coming back completely different. I felt relieved that I would not have to think about this.

But, to make a long story short, I am considering going to a seminary part-time in New York (preferably in Brooklyn, although Manhattan is not completely out of the question). Since I never considered this in the past, however, I don't know where to start. I have a list of some seminaries in New York, but most of them don't have websites and I am having some difficulties getting information on them.

So if any of you have gone to seminaries in Brooklyn, please, please, please leave a comment or send me an email at myinkstainedhands (AT) gmail (DOT) com and tell me about your experience there -- the academics, the students, the atmosphere, and the pros and the cons, or whatever else you thought about it. Also, if you know anyone who went to a NY seminary, if you could help me get in touch with them, it would be much appreciated.

Where Have I Been?

2009-10-25T13:22:00.004-04:00

I see that over a month has passed since I made my last blog post on September 18th, in honor of Rosh Hashana. So where have I been all this time? I could give all kinds of excuses.... My rats hijacked my keyboard, I was too busy to post, I was preoccupied by this thing called real life, etc. All of these excuses have some truth in them, but none of them are THE answer (although Mr. Knightley did just jump onto my computer desk and start trampling on the keyboard).

Speaking of my rats, I have introduced them to a few of my friends, all of whom were delighted to meet them. I got to say, "Told you they were cute," on a few different occasions, so that was nice. Some of my friends who declared that they would never come to my house again if I got rats actually fell in love with the creatures as soon as they met them.

So, what else have I been up to in the past few weeks? School has obviously been keeping me busy, but I also managed to keep myself well occupied during Sukkot. After weeks of doing what my sense of responsibility told me to do, it was nice to relax and do what I wanted to do. I took full advantage of my one and a half weeks of Sukkot vacation by visiting the Frick Collection, going to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and seeing Hamlet on Broadway, among other things. I cannot help but smile every time I think of that week. And for now, I will have to rely on those memories to bring a smile to my face, because it does not look as if I will have any more time for that sort of thing until the end of November, after midterms.

People have been asking me about my writing and how that is going. Well, to tell the truth, it's not really going. I have been more involved in art and drawing the past couple of months. I did write a few quick dialogues in the form of poems, but that was simply for fun after an overdose of Shakespeare. I also finished a few books, some of which I considered blogging about. Perhaps once I have more time, I will do so. I also hope that my writing will pick up its pace in November with NaNoWriMo. I'm still working on one of my novels from 2007, but I would also like to start a new one on a completely different topic, with a Jewish theme for once.

I just wanted to update everyone, because otherwise it looks as if I disappeared for no reason. Hopefully there won't be such a large gap again between this post and the next.

Rosh Hashana -- Austen Style

2009-09-18T15:54:00.005-04:00

After paying a charitable visit to a poor sick family and witnessing their wretchedness, Emma -- the heroine of Jane Austen's novel that goes by the same name -- and her friend Harriet discuss the impact the experience has had on them and how they cannot possibly think of anything else after that sight. They claim to be so affected by what they have seen, that they cannot dwell on the insignificant things that used to occupy their thoughts.

Emma: "...And really, I do not think the impression will soon be over.... I do not think it will."
Harriet: "Oh! Dear no."

But as the two girls spot Mr. Elton, the object of Harriet's affections and of Emma's matchmaking hobby, all noble and lofty thoughts fly off on the breeze, and their assurances are nothing. Mr. Elton takes over every single conscious thought of theirs, and all their passionate exclamations of how impossible it would be to think of anything else but their visit have become meaningless. They care no more about the wretched family they had just visited, for their admiration for Mr. Elton rises above everything else.

How soon we too forget about the things that move us! We go through an experience, vowing never to forget it, resolving to change our lives because of it, believing we will never go back to our old selves, but those resolutions and noble thoughts are abandoned in the blink of an eye.

Each year, as we wait to be judged on Rosh Hashana, we resolve to be better this year. Some people take upon themselves to do something more in the upcoming year in order to make a difference and to be better. We assure G-d that we are quite done with our evil ways and will act differently this time around. Year after year, we say this as we ask G-d for a good year.

Many of these new resolutions we will abandon after only a week, shrugging it off by thinking, "Well, it doesn't really matter. G-d will understand."

But how foolish must it seem to G-d to hear us assuring Him of how well we will behave and all of the good things we will do this year and then see us, our memories completely blank, going back to our old ways and defiantly repeating all our past mistakes just because we find it too hard to keep our promises.

When the Jews were wandering around in the desert, they complained about their situation and questioned G-d, even after the miracles they witnessed at Mt. Sinai, which was so great that it should logically have changed their lives forever. We learn that there was a group of people who did not take that experience to heart. They saw, they heard, they felt, but they did not let it penetrate their hearts. They were, perhaps, inspired for the moment, but they did nothing about it. They made no attempts to make it a part of themselves or to make a commitment. So that inspiration that struck them at that moment was lost soon after, and they went back to defying and questioning G-d.

When we are inspired by something, when our minds are focused on this inspiration, we should do something to make it a part of ourselves. On Rosh Hashana, we are inspired by the thought of being judged, and it drives us to repent and to make resolutions for the coming year. But when Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur are over, we more often than not are relieved that it is over so we can go back to our regular lives.

That is what makes us stumble -- we only act on our inspiration when it strikes us, instead of holding onto that inspiration and not letting go of it from year to year.

May our inspiration this Rosh Hashana be real and may it remain with us until the next Rosh Hashana, influencing our thoughts and our actions.

Shana tova.

Superwoman

2009-09-17T18:27:00.003-04:00

I have been thinking of a few blog posts I wanted to make before Rosh Hashana, but it seems as if I will start off with something completely unplanned. I was tagged by BTS for the superpower meme, which I see almost everyone has already posted by now.

The rules are as follows:

Rule number 1: Read the rules.
Rule number 2: Write one superpower you would like to have and what you would do with it.
Rule number 3: Write why you chose that super power over everything else.
Rule number 4: Tag and link 7 people, and write why you think they will have an interesting meme.
Rule number 5: fix your broken links.

This is one of those memes that I just feel useless in attempting. I mean, I've gotten the hang of life. I know for the most part what my abilities are, and I try to use them to the best of my ability. I used to spend a lot of time dreaming about a more ideal me and a more ideal world, in which I would be capable of knowing and doing more. Daydreaming is a powerful thing -- it sometimes convinces you that impossible things are a reality, and although you consciously know that it is impossible, there is still this small subconscious part of you that says, "It's true, it's possible, this dream can be a reality." The descent to earth and to true reality then becomes even more difficult when it must be done.

So I try not to dwell on the abilities I only wish I had. I want to make the reality work. Perhaps that is why when BTS tagged me, my first reaction was, "Oh no, not this meme. I don't want superpowers. I just want to be the best that I can actually be."

If I had been asked this as a child, I would immediately list a dozen superpowers I would like to have. But now, it is not at all something I would want.

So while I am still doing this meme, it is going to be less about 'superpowers' and more about actual abilities.

Since Rosh Hashana is coming up, the correct thing to say would be to say something nice and fluffy about how I want to be a perfect Jew and be able to immediately know what is sinful and what is not and to refrain from sinning. But I'm not going to say that, because perfection does not appeal to me.

I suppose that the ability I would most like to have would be to understand people and their motives thoroughly.

BTS wrote that he would like to have organized information on every single person, and BoSD wrote that she wants to be able to "get a glimpse into the minds of other people" so she could understand them better, be more sensitive to them, and not hurt anyone unintentionally. Shlomo's post was along those lines as well, although he went off on a tangent about Jews and Nietzsche, and when he finally wrote what abilities he would like to have, it was to read minds and manipulate them. So we have the spy, the sweet blob, and the manipulative Israeli, all wishing for similar superpowers. And here enters the writer, with a similar wish, for completely different purposes.

I would like to see people's intentions -- why they do the things they do. I would like to understand their thought processes, whether they lead to good actions or to crimes, and I want to be able to see the world from their point of view, so that I could create realistic, human characters based on them. I want my characters to have depth and complexity, so my readers should connect to them whether the characters are generally perceived by society as 'good' or as 'bad'. I suppose I want to do away with those terms entirely; I want my characters to be not good or bad, but human -- to be real, since that is perhaps one of the greatest things a writer can achieve.

That sounds like it can be easily solved by majoring in psychology. The truth though is that although I can study psychology as much as I want, the ability to see every facet of a person's mind and heart is impossible for us mere mortals. So that is why I am writing this down as the 'superpower' I would most like to have.

And now, for the tagging. This is proving to be a bit tricky, especially since Google Reader greeted me this morning by informing me that there were nearly thirty new blog posts, a large amount of which were for this meme, so there are few people left to tag. So here are the people I am tagging:

Subwife, because she sounds pretty stressed in her posts about work, and I would like to see if she wishes she could make people just disappear.

Dina, because I would like to see what she would do to the world with her superpowers.

Oh, and BTS asked when he tagged me, "so what did you write in your private diary today, Hannah?"

All kinds of fascinating things. :]

Introducing Mr. Darcy and Mr. Knightley

2009-09-14T20:12:00.007-04:00

Well, I finally got the rats I've been waiting for, and as expected, they are the most adorable little creatures! I named them Darcy and Knightley, and the three of us have been getting to know each other over the past twenty four hours. At this stage of our acquaintance, I am a bit lost for words, and all I can say is that they are so incredibly sweet and cute. They are quite active when they are awake, so it is difficult to get a decent photo, but here is one of them falling asleep:

And here are the photos from the breeder. The first one is Darcy, who is a Russian blue agouti berkshire dumbo. Knightley, the second one, is a Russian blue agouti hooded dumbo.

They are both friendly and social, although I would say that Darcy is the outgoing one of the two. He always greets me when I walk over to the cage, and Knightley usually joins in. They enjoy climbing (humans), perching on shoulders, giving soft, ticklish rat kisses, and exploring. I actually managed to get a wonderful photo of Darcy and me while he was sitting on my shoulder, curiously looking into the camera.

My Last First Day of School

2009-09-10T22:25:00.002-04:00

Before each school year begins, I dream and make plans in my head, determined that this will be the year. This year I will be a perfect student. This year I will be successful. This year I will achieve straight A's. This year I will be the girl that comes to class every day prepared and ready to take in as much knowledge as I can and contribute something to the class in turn. I will be the student who has all her assignments done perfectly and on time, without complaint. This will be my year. The Golden Age of Hannah Rozenblat.

And most years, I disappoint myself in some way or another. Perhaps I did not do as well as I could have, or I did not accomplish as much as I wished to when I started out the school year.

Well, I thought to myself last night, as I went to sleep early to be ready for school this morning, This is my last year in this school. This is the last time I can start a year that way, with that drive and that enthusiasm I always felt at each beginning.

But instead of feeling motivated and enthusiastic, I felt uneasy. I always thought I could accomplish it all and succeed if I just put in effort, but now I know that while I can be successful, I can never be a perfect student. There is no such thing as a perfect student, really. We can all strive for our own levels of 'perfection', but in the end, we're just good students. We are more knowledgeable, perhaps, after putting our efforts into our studies, we are more aware of the world around us and of everything in this world, and we might have the marks to prove it, but there cannot be a 'perfect' student.

So as I started my senior year, I told myself that I just want to get as much as I can out of it, instead of seeking perfection. I want to give it my best -- or as close to it as I can without driving myself mad.

This is my last year here. I want to make it count.

I remember when I was in one of the younger grades in elementary school (perhaps in second grade) and I was thinking about how many years I had left. I had only just started, and the end seemed so far away to me. Twelfth grade was something so foreign I could not even imagine it, and I wondered if I would ever really get there, or if the years would pass by so slowly that I would feel as if I'd never be there. And at first, the years did pass by very slowly. I counted them down diligently. Another seven years to go until I am free. Another five years to go until I can leave. Just three more years and I am done. Oh, look, hey, I only have two years left! Time sure has flown.... And now, the countdown is down to one year. Except that I am not really counting down now, because I am not sure yet how I feel about it ending. Yes, I've waited for this year for so long, but now that I am here and I know that there is no looking back, I am somehow nervous.

I suppose that is why I want to make the most out of this year. It is my last, and I don't want to look back on it with any regrets or memories of missed opportunities.

So next time you hear me complaining about the heavy load of assignments or the amount of material I have to study for midterms or finals, kindly remind me of this.

For all of you who have also started a new school year this month, I wish you the best of luck and lots of success!

Sending the Curious Jew to Israel

2009-09-02T20:42:00.002-04:00

A few months ago, I discovered a fascinating and well-written blog titled The Curious Jew, written by Chana. I started going through her old posts, some of which she wrote when she was still in high school, and was impressed by her maturity, depth of knowledge, and her way of expressing herself. The posts in which she compared literature to Torah and blended the two seamlessly changed the way I read books and her posts on ideas in the Torah made me want to learn more. Each post of hers was like a class all on its own and was well worth the time it took to read it.

So now that the time comes for me to nominate a blogger for the Nefesh B'Nefesh Second International Jewish Bloggers Convention, it is a rather easy choice to make. Or rather, it is an obvious choice.

The blogger will be teamed up with an oleh/olah/family of olim and will have to get to know them and blog about them. Who can be better for the job than Chana, who is known for starting conversations with strangers and writing interesting, humorous, insightful posts about the experiences? She talks to people most of us would never even notice; we would probably walk by them, while Chana takes those opportunities to exchange a few words and put a smile on their faces. Her colorful accounts of those experiences are a pleasure to read (which is obvious by the many comments she receives and the general popularity of her blog).

Let's not limit her to the New York crowd (as fascinating and diverse as it is). Let's send her to Israel! There, she will have the opportunity of getting to know those making aliyah, and judging by her previous posts over the past few years, she will be able to make an interesting story out of everything and everyone.

There is a reason she's called The Curious Jew. She is curious about the things and the people around her, which is what makes her blog so unique and enjoyable. Unlike most people I know, she can actually take a genuine interest in a total stranger and find something she can either relate to or learn from. Going to Israel would be perfect for her. (Imagine a kid in a candy store.)

So, those are my reasons for nominating Chana (Curious Jew) for this Nefesh B'Nefesh flight.

Neglect

2009-08-28T15:35:00.004-04:00

I realized I have not written any works of fiction in the past couple of months. I have not made any progress on the book I've been working on for a while either.

Perhaps later, once I sort my own life out and commit it to writing, I might take better care of my fictional characters. But for now, I have enough of my own experiences to work with that I need not resort to them and their lives.

I suspect that when school starts I will come running back to my fictional characters, escaping into their world as I sit somewhere on a staircase or in a library during breaks, trying to ignore the noise and the chaos around me. I noticed that I often do that in school -- just immerse myself in my writing, in the lives of my characters, and escape for a bit.

But for now, I must face my own life and contemplate it thoroughly.

Organizing my Israel Memories

2009-08-23T18:43:00.005-04:00

The numbers are in. Exactly 17 days. Over 2500 photos taken. Nearly three hours of footage. About 100 pages of notes written. At least $200 spent on souvenirs and jewelry. The memories and experiences -- countless.

Expect random photo posts over the next few days and weeks, perhaps even with pictures of what I bought (and bargained for) in Israel. (These were not among my purchases though.)

My bargaining 'skills' seemed to amuse everyone, but I was having a good time. (My father later pointed out that offering someone in the Arab shuk 9 shekels for an item he wanted 10 for was like bargaining to lower the price by 25 cents. But hey -- I felt proud of myself at the time.)

Here are some more photos.

Photos taken on the way to Teveriah through the window of the bus:

Graffiti a la Israel:

In Tzfat:

In other news, I just went with my parents to buy shelves for my room, to hold all the cute little things I got in Israel. I am also struggling to find space in my room for the rest of the things that would not go on the shelves. This might take a while.

HaChof B'Ashdod

2009-08-20T22:55:00.009-04:00

My last couple of days in Israel were spent in Ashdod, in my cousin's house. She has two daughters, ages fourteen and twenty, and the last time I had seen them was back when I was four, so I was looking forward to spending some time with them and actually getting to know them.

I ended up having a great time with all of them there. Many of our relatives visited us in Ashdod (and my cousin was very hospitable to all those relatives AND friends that my mother invited). I got to repeatedly hear how much I've grown in the past thirteen years and was asked by many people whether I remembered them. My cousin's daughters heard the same. (We eventually sought refuge in one of the bedrooms.)

On Tuesday, my cousin dropped her fourteen-year-old daughter and me at the beach, told us to be back at home on time, and warned her daughter not to let anything happen to me because my parents would have her skin.

It was around 6:15 PM. We walked along the beach for over an hour, enjoying the sand under our feet and the waves washing over them.

Our timing was great -- we got to watch the sunset, from the time the sun began glowing red until it began disappearing behind the sea, and then until it finally disappeared.

Watching it was beautiful, the beach itself was beautiful, the weather was pleasant, and we had a good time. We even collected seashells.

We returned home at about 8 PM, covered in sand, our clothing somewhat wet, to be greeted by more of our relatives and some of my mother's friends.

All in all, a pleasant and relaxing day -- just the thing needed before a few hours of hectic packing!

Good Morning, Evening, Night!

2009-08-20T17:30:00.002-04:00

I don't know how I managed this, and this must be a new record for me, but I slept for fourteen hours. When I woke up, extremely disoriented, I looked at my watch and saw that it was eleven. It brought back memories of when I first woke up in Israel and could not figure out what time it was.

My mother apparently also thought it was time for me to wake up, because she came into my room and told me that it was 4 PM. What?!

It took a minute for me to realize that my watch read 11 PM. Meaning, if I were in Israel then, I would be checking my email and blogging about my day at about that time. So I guess this means I completely slept through the day according to my watch.

The first thing I did after waking up was to crash into something sharp in my room and scrape my knee. The second thing I did was whine to my mother about it. I realized that there is a real need to remove the obstacles from that place I call my room.

Another thing I soon realized was that there were some habits pertaining to my eating that needed some serious changing. My Israel menu of bakery pastries for breakfast, Bissli for lunch, and more bakery pastries plus something from a cafe for dinner, would certainly not do here in New York. (When we were in Israel, I joked to my mother that what I ate there would never go over with her here, where she would insist on a healthier diet.)

I toured the kitchen and mourned the absence of the cheese danishes and cookies and various cinnamon rolls that made mornings so sweet in Maalot Dafna.

"We need to go to the bakery," I informed my mother. "I want a cheese danish."

The great thing about the bakeries in Israel is that they are so cheap. I remember once going to a nearby bakery there by myself, taking as much as my arms could hold, and paying around $10. We're talking about a whole box of sugar cookies, some baklava, chocolate rugelach, and a bag of cheese danishes. (I visited that bakery a few times during our stay, in order to replenish my supply. My cousin in Ashdod was laughing at me because I brought a lot of baked goods with me to her house, and she had bought a bunch of pies and cakes.) Needless to say, there was no shortage of calories there in Israel. Plus, the whole 'touring and walking around the entire day in the heat' thing helped me burn those calories right off.

But it is really time to make some changes in my habits.... It does not look as if I have a choice though, because no matter how hard I look, I will not find cheese danishes or sugar cookies in the house now. (If I end up getting out today or tomorrow, you can be sure I will look for some, though.)

I will probably spend the day uploading my photos, gathering my thoughts, and writing a bit.

Lights on Broadway

2009-08-19T23:47:00.002-04:00

Well, I'm in New York, at home, at my computer. I have not been here in nearly three weeks. My first thought as I turned on the computer now (after using a small laptop all this time) was, "Wow, this screen is huge! And the letters! And icons! I don't have to squint to see them!"

It is nearly midnight here in NY, but my watch still reads 7... as in, 7 AM. I am not quite sure which time I should go by now, but while I am awake, I might as well spend a few minutes online, upload photos to my computer, pull some things out of our suitcases, and so on.

While we were waiting to board our plane in Ben Gurion (the flight was an hour late, but the screen still said it was "on time"), I got into a conversation with a young Israeli woman sitting next to me, who was going to New York for a year or two but insisted that Jews should live in Israel. She asked me if I'm planning on making aliya. I saw her again once our plane landed in NY and thought to myself, "Hey, that's cool -- I met her in Israel and now we're seeing each other again in New York!"

So yes, that's basically the point of this blog post.... I am not in Israel anymore. My plans for the day no longer include hailing a monit or bargaining with Israelis or taking hundreds of pictures of all the places I see.

I feel as if I can barely write. My fingers keep missing the keys, my eyes are closing, and I am trying to suppress a yawn.

I am exhausted.

Farewell, Jerusalem

2009-08-18T05:15:00.003-04:00

I am in Ashdod now, staying at my cousin's house. We left Jerusalem and Maalot Dafna yesterday, although the original plan had been to come to Ashdod on Sunday. We were delayed a day, but are here now.

I haven't blogged in a while, not because I have nothing to say, but perhaps because I have too much to say and don't know how much of it I should share.

It is noon here, and we already had breakfast. When we were in Maalot Dafna, I was used to drinking some tea before running out the door and maybe grabbing something on the go. My cousin apparently does not find that acceptable, so I had a complete breakfast this morning (which is rare for me, because I am not a breakfast type of person).

Ashdod reminds me of New York. It is modern, organized, and the apartment is very chic. I almost feel as though I am not in Israel.

My cousin is telling me to get dressed so we can go out and shop a bit. And my father is anxious to reclaim the computer, which I pulled away from him.

I have a lot of other news I wanted to share and things I wanted to write about, but I get the feeling that it will not happen while I'm here. Once I get to New York, I will upload all my photos (probably over 2000) to my computer, organize my thoughts, and write about the past few days as well as I can.

My First Marriage Proposal

2009-08-12T17:48:00.006-04:00

Yesterday, we visited Yad Vashem, the Israel Museum, and finally, Machane Yehuda.

My father had already visited Yad Vashem during his previous trip to Israel, while it was my first time seeing it. I have a lot to write about it, but I am doing so mostly in my Israel journal, not on my blog. It probably seems strange that I am dedicating only a couple of short paragraphs to something so important, while I can make an entire post just about the antics of Israelis, but the reason is that this is more personal.

One of the things that struck me in Yad Vashem was the connection between all Jews. There were all types of different Jews there -- Chareidi, daati, wearing kippot srugot, not religious at all, Israelis, Americans, Russians, Spanish, French. And yet you looked at all them and knew they were part of your nation. You felt able to relate to them, even though they were complete strangers. After viewing photographs or certain parts of the museum, you would catch someone's eye and acknowledge them as someone who is feeling the same way you are because you are all part of the same thing. It was unbelievable.

After Yad Vashem, we took a taxi to the Israel Museum, and we did not let ourselves be cheated. One driver offered us a ride for 40 shekel. No deal. He also offered to drive us to Ashdod, which was completely out of the blue.

In the Israel Museum, we saw four main exhibits. The actual museum is being renovated, but there were some exhibits open, such as Masks, Family Traces, a model of Jerusalem from the time of the Second Temple, and the Dead Sea Scrolls. I remember the scrolls were on display in NYC for some time last year and I wanted to see them, but I never ended up going.

The last part of our day involved Machane Yehuda. Now that was fun! I could have spent hours just walking around and exploring. It is the perfect place for observing people, and I believe that if I stood there for a couple of hours, I would be able to write fifteen pages about it at least.

You have Israelis yelling from all sides and inviting you to check out their shops. There are Israelis shoving halva in your face, insisting that you try it. (I shoved my camcorder in his face instead.) Then there are other Israelis enthusiastically waving at you when they see that you are filming the shuk. There is something about a camcorder or a camera that makes them feel encouraged to make their presence known.

At one point, I walked into a little shop full of odds and ends like broken watches, antique goblets and souvenirs, and other items -- just a bunch of stuff, much of it simply piled one on top of the other. That kind of stuff always seems to fascinate me, so I walked in.

The owner greeted me, and I replied, "Shalom," in return. I think he must have asked me something in Hebrew and I looked at him blankly because I had not understood it, so he asked me which language I speak. "Anglit v'rusi," I replied. He smiled and began talking to me in Russian, asking me where I am from, what I am doing here, and so on. I told him that I am from New York and am on vacation here in Israel. The next thing I knew, he was telling me that he has a son whom I can marry and settle down with in Israel permanently. I think I was too speechless to do much else but stare at him. He added in Russian, "He's younger than me!" I was still unable to actually say anything coherent. My thoughts were something along the lines of, "You have got to be kidding.... This is crazy!"

My father came looking for me, so I introduced him to the storeowner, who repeated his offer of his son's hand in marriage. My father seemed eager to get out of there, so I thanked the man for the offer, said goodbye, and went on to explore more of the craziness that is Machane Yehuda.

HaTzafon

2009-08-11T16:54:00.001-04:00

My brief post from Katzrin told you almost nothing about my stay there, so let me see if I can tell the tale now. In two days (Sunday and Monday), we managed to briefly cover Teveriah, Meron, and Tzfat, as well as the Kineret (the Sea of Galilee). Unfortunately, we did not get to see as much of the Golan Heights as I would have liked since we were short on time, but there is always next time. :]

So we took a bus from the Central Station in Jerusalem to Teveriah on Sunday. The trip was about three hours long. I thought I would write a bit since I had so much time, but that proved to be quite difficult since the roads were bumpy and it was nearly impossible to write legibly. Instead, I dug my iPod out of my handbag and listened to some music for a while. I was also taking pictures and video clips of the sights we were passing by. The Israeli woman sitting next to me, realizing that I was a 'tourist' and was interested in seeing everything (unlike those who preferred to sleep on the bus), began pointing things out to me in Hebrew and explaining.

When we arrived in Teveriah, we were greeted by my father's cousin and his daughter, my second cousin. I remember my grandmother used to show me pictures of her when she was little. I probably still have some pictures of her from when she was a little child. But I have never actually seen her, so when she and her father came to meet us at the station, I completely did not recognize her. Also, I knew she was a few years younger than me, while the girl meeting me and giving me a hug at the station seemed just about my age and a few inches taller too. (In this case, I am probably one of those annoying people who say, "Oh, I remember when you were *this* little!")

We put all of our stuff in their car and they showed us around Teveriah a bit. We went to the kever of the Rambam together and got brachot from a man collecting tzedaka there.

There were some other places I would have liked to visit in Teveriah, but as I wrote before, things were rushed and we would need more time to do everything.

My father's cousin and his family (which includes his wife, my second cousins, and my great-aunt and her husband) live in Katzrin, in the Golan Heights, so the plan was to stay there for the night and then see Tzfat and Meron the next day. So we went there and saw the Kineret along the way, along with many other beautiful sights.

I got to spend some time with my second cousin, who is fourteen now, and mature beyond her years. We were talking about the differences between her school's system and the system in New York and about more general differences in our lives -- and there were quite a few. She told me about her neighborhood, the schools, the people, her friends, the surroundings. She casually mentioned that you can hear shualing (foxes) and zievim (wolves) howling at night.

Over the course of our visit, she and I spoke to each other in three different languages: Russian (mostly), Hebrew, and English. I wanted to practice my Hebrew, she wanted to practice her English, we were having difficulties communicating in both languages, so we just stuck to Russian.

And what really struck me is that despite all the differences in our lives, in our locations, in our languages, we could relate. We found things in common, things we shared despite the miles between us. Literature, television, movies, music. I looked at the CD rack in the living room and smiled because I listened to so many of the same artists and bands.

The next day, the five of us set off again -- this time to Meron, followed by Teveriah. In Meron, we only went to the kever of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai.

On the path along the way were a few stands with souvenirs, food, and other various things. There was one wide stand run by Breslov Chasidim, and it sold just about everything from kippot to paintings, jewelry, paprika, musical instruments, keychains, Tehillim, and other items. We stopped there for a bit, bought a few things, and chatted with the man standing there.

He talked with us in English and asked us where we're from. The usual game of Jewish geography.

"We're from New York."

"Where in NY?"

"Brooklyn."

"Where in Brooklyn?"

And so on.

We asked him if he has been there, and he has that he has been to just about every place in New York. But when asked about Crown Heights, he replied that that is the only place where he has not been.

He told us that the profits from the stand go toward publishing a book based on the writings of Rav Nachman, or something like that. Once we spent a good deal of money there, an older man asked for our Jewish names and gave us all brachot.

A nice breeze picked up as we were walking back to the car, which was a pleasant relief.

Our next destination was Tzfat.

I am not sure if I even have enough words to describe Tzfat. We did not spend more than an hour and a half there (if even that), but it was enough to convince me that it was one of my favorite places in Israel. We went into a few art galleries and shops (which was more than my parents wanted to do), and I finally bought a Tzahal sweatshirt. The storeowners there were friendly and talkative, and the things I came across in the shops and the stands were interesting and unique.

I loved just walking down the cobbled path, looking at everything from a 19th century perspective, and seeing art, craft, creativity, beauty.

In one of the galleries we went into, I found some sculptures that caught my eye and really fascinated me. I later did a Google search on the artist, Nicky Imber. This is the sculpture that particularly interested me. I think it's brilliant. It's called "Praying Man."

Once again, I wished I could spend half a day in Tzfat, but then was not the time, so I reluctantly left.

We took the bus back to Jerusalem from Teveriah, and for those who want to know, we are getting used to the taxis here and are no longer being taken advantage of as before. A taxi driver offered to take us to Maalot Dafna for 50 shekel, which was an offer we would probably have blindly accepted during our first couple of days here. But not anymore. Sorry, man, we're not completely ignorant. We know by now that a ride from the Central Station to Maalot Dafna is worth around 30 shekel. So we managed to bargain with him to get the price down to 35 shekel. Hurray for us!

So that was our trip up to HaTzafon -- the North of Israel.

Today, we went to Yad Vashem, the Israel Museum, and Machane Yehuda. Look out for a post on that soon.

Oh, and I am making a list of places where I want to spend more time in the future, if I come back to Israel in the next couple of years. Two weeks is nowhere near enough time to do any of the places we went to justice. For example, I should have liked to stay in Katzrin a few more days and see more of the Golan Heights. I would also have liked to dedicate an entire day to wandering around Tzfat. Spending a few more hours in Machane Yehuda would also be nice. So I am putting together a list of both the places I want to return to and the places I did not even get to visit. Looking forward to finalizing those plans someday. :]

Friday Memories

2009-08-10T15:23:00.004-04:00

Here I am, blogging once again from Maalot Dafna. Yes, the time we spent in Katzrin was very short, unfortunately, but then again, our entire stay in Israel is short itself. The past couple of days have been great, and as I have not yet blogged about what we did on Friday, I will start with that.

My father and I went to the Bible Lands Museum in Jerusalem. It was interesting, but getting there was a separate story. I checked it up a few times online to make sure we had the right address -- 25 Granot Street. The first three taxis we stopped in Maalot Dafna had no idea where Granot Street is. I think it was the fourth one that told us to come in and then started figuring out where we wanted to go.

"25 Granot Street," I told him.

"Granot?" he repeated, with a dismissive gesture, "No, no, no! Nayot!"

"Um, I don't know... It says here Granot," I replied.

"Ze Nayot!"

I looked at my father helplessly, and my father started spelling Granot to the driver in Hebrew. The driver looked at us in frustration and exclaimed that he knows Hebrew. (That was good to know. Haha.)

Either way, he said he would get us there, and stopped another driver on the way to ask about Granot Street. He also casually mentioned to us that he needs to pick up his cousin somewhere. Although he asked if that's okay, we could not really say "no," could we? So he drove up to a hotel, where we waited for five minutes while his cousin appeared.

Once we got to the neighborhood where the Bible Lands Museum was supposed to be, he started circling around. There was one road that we went over twice in a circle until he realized that the museum was somewhere in that area and he could just drop us off.

So he invited us to leave the taxi, his parting words, "I hope it is somewhere here." Thank you, thank you very much. We also hoped it was somewhere there, especially since we were standing on a road that felt like the middle of nowhere. We asked a couple of people which way to go(one young Israeli standing next to his motorcycle near a hotel and another man working at a gas station), and were given to understand that all we needed to do was walk uphill a bit. Once again, how very kind of the driver to drop us off somewhere on the road, leaving us to walk up a hill by foot. (This must be why I am allowing myself to eat whatever I want in Israel -- I am anyway burning the calories right off!)

It was well air-conditioned in the museum, so that was very pleasant. And it was also my first time using my student ID card in Israel to get discounted tickets, so yay for that! The lady at the desk gave us pamphlets with maps of the museum, and when she heard my father and I conversing in Russian, she also offered us a Russian pamphlet, which was also pretty cool. I mean, it's obvious that Israeli museums, tourist attractions, and restaurants have everything in English as well as Hebrew because there are many American tourists, but it was cool to find that they had Russian as well.

The museum was not very large, and we covered it in less than two hours, if I am not mistaken. Despite its size though, it was fascinating and had a lot of interesting artifacts. There is something about antiques that captivates me, especially when I am able to get close to them. It is a part of history, a part of a past reality, right in front of me.

The Bible Lands Museum included exhibits such as Old Kingdom Egypt, the Age of the Patriarchs, Israel Among the Nations (from the First Temple period), Assyria and Persia, Hellenistic Dominions (with artifacts from the time of the Maccabean Revolt), Rome and Judaea, etc. There were many ancient weapons, jars, jewelry, seals, and coins in most of the galleries, as well as some elaborate models of ancient-day Israel and Babylon.

We could have gone to the Israel Museum as well (since it was in the area), but one of my mother's relatives was planning on visiting us in our Maalot Dafna apartment, and Shabbat would start in a few hours, so we went back. (Hopefully we will get to the Israel Museum another day.)

The taxi we caught near the museum reminded me of why Israeli taxi drivers get me so nervous. This one was holding his cell phone in one hand, driving with the other, and paying little attention to traffic. You should have seen the turns he made and the way he passed by other cars -- it was enough to convince anyone of the necessity of wearing a seat-belt at all times. When we told him where we want to go, he began arguing with us, but once we pointed out where our building was as we neared the street, he admitted that we had been right as to the directions. See, we're not such ignorant foreigners after all! We already know the directions to where we are staying! (One of our previous drivers explained to us where we live, so we should know. Haha.)

Our visitor was my mother's cousin's son, making him my second cousin. When it comes to relatives in Israel, I am rich! I don't have this many back in New York... or at least not that I know of. He stayed for a while at our place and then had to leave for work at around 3 PM. (So I was able to go to a museum and meet my second cousin all before that time and got to prepare for Shabbat afterward!)

So that was my Friday. :]

Coming up soon -- my trip to the Golan Heights, Tzfat, Teveriah, Meron, and the IDF.

Now is a good time for me to call my friends in New York, since it is the middle of the day for them. I'm also uploading some photos from the past two days for my next posts.

Away from Home Away from Home

2009-08-09T16:19:00.001-04:00

We took a little trip from Maalot Dafna to Teveriah, from where we went on to Katzrin (in the Golan Heights), where we are staying with our relatives.

More on that later.

Just wanted to say hi, how are you, I'm having a nice time here, and I have an excellent wireless connection.

Israeli Chutzpah and Israeli Fun

2009-08-08T16:26:00.004-04:00

No matter what you do in Israel or where you go, you can be sure you will not forget it any time soon. It will either leave you frustrated and annoyed, or amused, or delighted, but it will undeniably leave an impression. So here are some of my impressions from Thursday, now that I have already posted about my impressions from Shabbat. (Friday coming up later.)

Our main plans for Thursday consisted of going to Beit Shemesh and Ramat Beit Shemesh Aleph. So we took a taxi to the Central Station (and if I was able to use a Hebrew keyboard on this laptop, I would show off my limited Hebrew skills). As the driver began driving, we remarked to him that the taxi we had taken the other day to the same location went a different route. He replied that the other way is longer and this is more direct. So apparently we had paid the first taxi driver much more than we should have. And there we were, thinking ourselves oh-so-clever for asking to pay by "moneh" (meter). Lesson: Don't try to outsmart Israelis.

There, we got tickets to Beit Shemesh. I was delighted by all the little shops and stands around the station, and could not help exploring. I ended up buying some jewelry from a stand.

We took bus 415 to Beit Shemesh, and I saw a young girl sitting near me in an IDF uniform. I have a lot to say about IDF soldiers in general, so I am saving it for a separate post.

When we got off the bus, we were greeted by my mother's cousin. He is the oldest son of my grandfather's oldest brother, so it was cool getting together. After we spent a while at his house, he accompanied us outside, where we hailed a taxi after equipping ourselves with some more water bottles at a nearby convenience store.

Our day's adventures only started when we got into that taxi. So what we wanted to do was take a drive around Ramat Beit Shemesh just to see the place and take some videos of the neighborhood. But how do you explain that to an Israeli driver who does not seem to know much English? So I had to rely on my Hebrew in order to communicate with him. That was funny; I loved it! Ten years of education were not wasted on me. Haha.

He finally got that we wanted to just circle around Ramat Beit Shemesh -- lehistovev. My father explained in English that we want to simply take some photos and videos of it, but I think the driver took that to mean that we want to go to a photo store or something, so I told him in Hebrew that I want to take photos and video from inside the car. He got it, although he seemed amused by my phrasing. My mother told me that she wants to go along the main road, so I passed on the message to him. He laughed and said that there is no main road there.

"Bishvil kama zman atem poh?" he asked, laughing at us and at how 'foreign' we seemed. You should have seen his expression and heard the tone in which he uttered those words. But when I said that we had only been there for a few days and will be there for another couple of weeks, he commended me on my Hebrew.

So he took us through Ramat Beit Shemesh and gave us a running commentary. Who lives there, who lives in other places, where the new buildings are, where the parks are, and so on. He tried explaining where the Chareidim live, and in order to demonstrate, he made motions with his fingers as if curling his imaginary peyot. For a whole minute he was showing what Chareidim are like. It was priceless.

At one point, after saying a lot of things about the area we were passing by, he shrugged and muttered in Hebrew, "I don't know if you're even understanding what I'm saying." I assured him that I understood some of it.

So that was fun. :]

We wanted to go elsewhere after that, but he did not recognize the address, so with many apologies he dropped us off at the nearest bus stop to seek another ride. There, we asked a few different people which bus to take in order to just get to Jerusalem. It took three people to finally tell us which bus would take us where we needed to go. So we took it and had a long ride.

I was sitting next to a teenage Israeli girl wearing jeans and a wifebeater, with black sneakers covered in white skulls, and nails obviously chewed on. She had a hoop-shaped nose ring, orange-tinted sunglasses, and gelled blonde hair. And it kind of made me want to cry because life will soon be so different for this girl if she goes into the army.

The bus stopped in the middle of nowhere, instead of stopping at the Central Station as the Israelis had told us it would. So my father asked the driver how to get to the Central Station. He pointed out the way, saying that it is only two minutes away. Wonderful! So we headed that way, and after five minutes of walking without finding it, we asked someone else, who told us to go straight, then in a circle, then straight, then in a circle. Um... okay. The third or fourth person we asked told us to take a bus there, because the walk would take us forty minutes. Um... very amusing. What was the guy who said "two minutes" thinking?! That it is fun to mess around with ignorant tourists from America?

Frustrated, we took a taxi. There is something about Israeli taxi drivers that just makes you nervous, whether it is the way they drive, communicate, charge, or tell you where you are going. This one, instead of dropping us off at the main entrance to the Central Station, dropped us off somewhere at the side, and it took us a while to find where we needed to be. But once there, I had a good time. I wandered around, checking out the shops.

From there, we wanted to go to Safra Square, to the Pera e Mela restaurant. That was an adventure by itself. Once again, we asked many people for directions, without any success. Everyone said something else.

The thing about Israelis is that they won't admit that they don't know the way to some foreigner (or perhaps to any person for that matter). So many of them just confidently give you directions, which are wrong, and confuse us poor tourists. Crazy stuff.

So we resorted to the same thing as the last time we were lost -- a taxi.

After having a delightful dinner at Pera e Mela, we noticed that there was a stage set up right outside and at least a hundred people already sitting in white chairs on the lawn. And wherever there is a crowd, there is bound to be something interesting or worthwhile, so we joined it.

A few guys were making a instrumental performance (which, by the way, seemed very professional, from the way it was set up, to the way the audience was seated), and we watched it for a while until my parents decided they want to go back to Maalot Dafna already. I could have stayed there another half hour, but we left.

Here are some of the pictures I took there. It was late (past 9 PM) so it was very dark outside and I had to rely on the stage lights (and occasionally my camera's flash) for these photos, but you get the picture. :]

When we came home that night (at about 10 PM), we were greeted by a very unexpected surprise: IDF soldiers everywhere. There had not been any earlier that day or anytime the day before, so apparently they had just arrived there that day. We were not quite sure why.

I was sitting on one of the staircases near our apartment at night, writing about my day, when an orange cat walked up to me and looked me straight in the eyes. I had seen cats around our building earlier that week, but mostly on the ground level. This cat had gone up the stairs and was now staring at me. I was not sure how to react; I did not want it to think that I was the intruder. So I just sat still. She approached me and, to my great surprise, began rubbing against me. Walked circles around me, she rubbed her back, her sides, and her head against me, the end result being that my sweater and my skirt were covered in cat fur. Then she discovered my notebook and thought that its corner was a great place to rub her face. Shocked, I did not protest. When she put her paw on me to get to the notebook, I realized just how sharp her claws were. I would not want to be clawed by that cat, even unintentionally. The next thing I knew was that the cat was climbing onto my lap and settling there. Once she was comfortably settled, she began scratching at my sweater calmly, looking up at me with those huge yellow eyes. She obviously wasn't doing it maliciously, and I could not feel much through the three layers I had on (Jerusalem becomes chilly at night), but I still did not appreciate it.

Finally, my mother came outside looking for me and I requested her to bring me my camcorder so I could have some videos of this friendly neighborhood cat relaxing on my lap. It was so adorable!

It was becoming very late, but it was hard to convince the cat to find another place to rest (and I admit it -- it was hard for me to part with the cat too). Finally though, I got her to get off of me. She looked at me reproachfully, but there was nothing I could do. There was no way my parents would allow a cat into the apartment.

Here is a photo of the cat sitting right outside my apartment door, hoping for an invitation. I wish I could have given her one.

And here is another guest that came into our apartment uninvited. He was quite friendly though, and did not mind that I was trying to make his acquaintance.

Now that is called Israeli chutzpah right there. The people, the cats, the bugs -- they all have it! :]

First Shabbat in Jerusalem

2009-08-08T14:29:00.003-04:00

As I lit the Shabbat candles on Friday night and recited the bracha, I thought to myself, "Wow, my first Shabbat in Jerusalem." And when my mother finished lighting the candles, she turned to me and exclaimed with a smile, "The first Shabbat in Jerusalem!"

We stayed at home on Friday night, eating what my parents had found in a nearby makolet and what my mother had prepared. Interestingly enough, the melon tasted like pears, while the pastries tasted like sufganiot. I'll have to go back to the market for some more of those pastries. :] (The calories are nothing when you consider how much I walk around and how little I eat otherwise during the week.)

Shacharit starts, and therefore ends, earlier in Israel, so my father returned by 10 AM on Shabbat morning. We had been invited by my parents' friends for lunch, so we set off at around 10:45 AM.

What amazed me as we walked up the stairs to their apartment were the walls. There was graffiti all over them, but not graffiti in the traditional sense -- not the kind you would see scribbled on all the flat surfaces in New York. There were blue Israeli flags hastily drawn a few times for every level of stairs, along with the words ציוני גאה -- Proud Zionist. It made me smile.

Another one of the things I noticed is the superiority of the wine here. It is not as watered down as the wines we have back in New York. On the contrary, it is thicker and made up of more grapes than water. One of the wines we had at our host's house was, he explained, personally made by someone he knows. Homemade wine -- I think that is a first for me!

One of the things I loved about Shabbat in Jerusalem was how peaceful it was around the building and the courtyard of our Maalot Dafna apartment. I walked around the winding passages of the place (I am hesitant in calling it a building, just because it is not at all what I think of when I imagine a building) and then I sat at the bottom of one of the staircases and read for a few hours.

Most of the people I saw were IDF soldiers, who were constantly passing by, walking back and forth, and chatting amongst themselves in Hebrew. More on them later. :] In a separate post!

I also want to write about Thursday and Friday, so I will hopefully be making two more posts over the course of the weekend, if not more.

(Although by the time you Americans make havdala, I might already have a second post up. I just need to upload some photos in order to enhance my posts with some visual effects.)

Shavua tov!

Gan HaChayot

2009-08-07T08:35:00.002-04:00

Here are some pictures from Wednesday's trip to the Biblical Zoo, while I try putting Thursday and today into words.

There were exhibits all over the zoo showing all kinds of birds, including this gorgeous owl here.

I could not get enough of these bears:

I used to have around a dozen posters of leopards, tigers, and cheetahs on the walls of my room (and I probably still have at least half of them). And now I have my own photos... Isn't he beautiful?

Egged Bus 99, Biblical Zoo, and Lots of Israelis

2009-08-05T17:20:00.005-04:00

After another adventure-filled day, here I am, trying to do it justice. But even with all the photos and videos I took and the notebook pages I filled, I still do not think I can do justice to the sights, the experiences, the sounds, and the feelings one goes through in the course of a tourist's day in Israel. This is all new to me, so I am just taking it all in. I was here when I was four years old, but that hardly counts as anything more than a stamp on my old passport and some photos of me with my relatives.

My day started off at 10:30 AM local time, which would be 3:30 AM in New York. Now, I usually go to sleep at that time at home, so it was not very pleasant to actually wake up then. But I somehow did it, and we were out of the house by 12:45 PM.

We went to hail a taxi on a big road near our apartment. A middle-aged Israeli man, walking past us, advised us to go wait at the bus stop. What a brilliant idea! There was shade and a place to sit there. A young soldier was sitting there too.

Our taxi took us to the central station in Jerusalem. Before going out, we asking the driver exactly where bus 99 is. He pointed to the other side of the street and told us to cross it. We did so, and then asked another Israeli where we should wait for the bus. He also pointed to the other side of the street, where the first Israeli had dropped us off. So we crossed back again and finally got onto the bus, seating ourselves on the upper level, from where we had a beautiful view.

The tour bus took us past Machane Yehuda (where I want to return later when we have time), Davidka Square, Haneviim Street, Mount Scopus, an Arab village, Mt. of Olives, Lion's Gate with a view of many churches, Dung Gate, Mt. Zion, the Artists' Colony (which my father and I had passed by yesterday on our way back from the Kotel), Jaffa Gate, some hotels, King David St., the Old Railway Station of Jerusalem (which had cute murals painted on it), a view of Northern Jerusalem with its many synangogues, churches, and mosques, a view of Western Jerusalem, and finally the Biblical Zoo.

Since we had gotten 'on and off' tickets, we decided to get off at the Biblical Zoo stop and walk around there for a couple of hours. We were dropped off in the middle of a long and winding road, and since we were not sure which way to go or how far, we hailed a taxi. We asked the driver where the Biblical Zoo is, but he did not quite understand what we wanted, so I put my meager Hebrew skills to good use, and said, "Gan ha'chayot." He said it's around there, and invited us into the car. We later laughed because it would have only been a five minute walk for us an

The Biblical zoo was pleasant and entertaining, even though we had to frequently stop to seek shade and rehydrate ourselves. (And you should have seen my delight when I spotted an ice cream stand. Frozen vanilla ice cream in such heat is the most refreshing thing.)

We saw all kinds of animals at the zoo, and I will post some of my pictures from the day. There was a particularly fascinating exhibit with some very interesting animals. As my mother put it, creatures from Darwin's theory. There were four guys, either drunk or high, yelling and enthusiastically laughing at the giraffes and zebras. I found a nice spot a distance away to take a picture of that exhibit, and it came out perfect. Haha. Overall, what a fun day at the zoo!

Afterward, we went back to the bus stop to get on the next bus and continue our tour. But apparently, it was delayed by over half an hour, so my parents and I decided to simply take a taxi and go find a place to eat, because I had not eaten anything substantial, and a lollipop and ice cream are not what I would normally consider even a decent breakfast, much less a decent breakfast-lunch-dinner all in one.

Our taxi driver, not recognizing the addresses we showed him of restaurants and cafes, simply told us that he will take us to Center One and we can eat there. Most of the way there he was assuring us, "Is good, is good!" When we were getting out of the taxi finally, he once again stated, "Is good for you! Is very good!" So we ate at the Korus dairy cafe (which has very nice Caesar salads, milkshakes, and chocolate souffles with vanilla ice cream, and then I found in a little shop inside the mall a very cute pair of sunglasses, so I bought them.

During the taxi ride home, at a red light, the taxi driver recognized the guy driving a truck next to him, so they both opened their windows and started chatting in Hebrew.

We got safely back to our apartment after a long day, and now I am just relaxing and collecting the memories. I am uploading some photos from my camera right now, which I will hopefully post later on.

Tomorrow we are probably going to Beit Shemesh to visit my mother's relatives, and if we have enough time afterward, I hope to go to either Machane Yehuda, Yad Vashem, or some museums in Jerusalem. There are also some stores I wanted to check out. I should probably do a few Google map searches to see which things are clustered in one area and what the nearest cafes are, so we can do as much as possible with the time we have. Oh, and currency exchange is a must. My parents ran out of shekels and the driver was hesitant with dollars and was not sure how much change to give us, so I ended up paying him with the last 40 shekels I had in my wallet (and my father will pay me back afterward). So now neither I nor my parents have shekels. That should probably be our first destination tomorrow.

So that's the story. :]

My Life According To Michael Jackson

2009-08-05T16:56:00.004-04:00

I got this from Material Maidel. The goal is to answer the following questions using song titles from a single artist without repeating any. This is especially fun when you have in mind an artist or a band that released many songs and has a wide and interesting selection to choose from.

So, here it is:

Pick your Artist:
Michael Jackson

Are you a male or female:
Liberian Girl

Describe yourself:
PYT

How do you feel:
Speechless

Describe where you currently live:
Earth Song

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?:
Stranger in Moscow

Your favorite form of transportation:
People Make the World Go Round

Your best friend?
My Girl

You and your friends are:
Unbreakable

What's the weather like:
Ain't No Sunshine

Favorite time of day:
Break of Dawn

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
The Greatest Show on Earth

What is life to you:
You Are My Life

Your relationship:
We've Got a Good Thing Going

Your fear:
Blood on the Dance Floor

What is the best advice you have to give:
Heal the World

Thought for the Day:
They Don't Care About Us

How I would like to die:
Die Another Day

My soul's present condition:
Happy

My motto:
What Goes Around Comes Around