Pigeons and Shidduchim  

Posted by inkstainedhands in , , ,

I recently noticed a gray male pigeon strutting around in front of a female, trying his best to impress her while she pointedly ignored him. His neck was puffed up to three times its normal size, and he spread his tail feathers out like a fan. Apparently indignant at her indifference, he continued to persistently follow her while she walked away. He walked with his head in the air and his feathers all puffed up in an attempt to look important and impressive, but when he saw that it had no effect on the female pigeon, his feathers deflated and he went back to being a regular city pigeon -- just another pigeon, one of millions roaming around the city.

Does anyone else see any parallel here to our shidduchim system?

First impressions are important, but must we overdo it by putting on a show like the pigeons on the streets?

This entry was posted on Monday, June 15, 2009 at Monday, June 15, 2009 and is filed under , , , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .


Who is "we" and what do you mean by overdoing?

June 15, 2009 at 8:12 PM

By "we," I mean girls and guys in general, and by "overdoing," I mean the girls paying an enormous amount of money for expensive clothing when it is not who they are, and guys renting impressive cars or taking girls to the most expensive restaurants for first dates. I mean girls who spend hours doing their hair for a single date, and girls who go crazy trying to take a good photo for their shidduch 'resumes' (which are ridiculous in the first place). I mean both girls and guys who show off more than necessary in order to impress a date, especially when it means they're trying to be more than they actually are. I mean people who are charm itself when they need to get a date but once they are rejected or get married, they go back to being a 'regular city pigeon.'

It was just a thought that was passing through my head though, so don't over-analyze it. Take it as it is -- just a thought. :]

June 16, 2009 at 10:26 PM

our cusom with dating is just going to a hotel lounge and buying drinks. fancy? no, just presentable. we dont dress up or anything.

but u are right, dont try too hard, just be yourself and that should be enough

June 17, 2009 at 3:33 PM

Neh, the female pigeon was probably just nearsighted.

As far as dating, put on whatever bling you want as long as you don't support the retarded shadchan system.

June 17, 2009 at 6:59 PM

"Guys taking girls to the most expensive restaurants." (Snort)

June 17, 2009 at 11:43 PM

"our cusom with dating is just going to a hotel lounge and buying drinks." -- I know that's what many people do, but there is also a significant number that overdoes it.

SubWife -- Care to elaborate on that snort?

June 18, 2009 at 10:26 PM

Ok, elaborating on the snort. First off, no offense was intended. Secondly, unless the times have changed, neither I nor my friends have ever been taken to the most expensive restaurants, esp on first dates. Ever. Restaurants? Yes. Good restaurants? yes. Most expensive? No. One would be lucky to get a drink of the first date.

But you have already answered that in your previous column. Unlike you, I don't know anyone in the male population who is "overdoing it."

June 18, 2009 at 10:38 PM

I took no offense at the snort, I just needed some words to reply to. It's kind of hard to reply to a snort, if you know what I mean.

"Secondly, unless the times have changed, neither I nor my friends have ever been taken to the most expensive restaurants, esp on first dates." -- Well, that was your personal experience. This post was based on things that people I know actually experienced. Every person experiences different things, I guess.

And I'm not only talking about the guys who are overdoing it. There are girls who are also overdoing it by worrying too much over their looks and wasting a lot of time on their hair, makeup, and clothing.

June 18, 2009 at 11:40 PM

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