I totally agree with you, Hannah! I read the Jewish Press article, too, and I actually kind of rolled my eyes, too. However, it may not entirely be the girl's fault--maybe her parents do not allow her to attend single's events or go out with a guy that she met herself....it's very possible. I think, though, that when push comes to shove, and this girl has not had a single date the entire year, her parents MUST reconsider the typical, "normal" shidduch-way of doing things and realize that there ARE other options out there. Options that may lead to a daughter happily married. :)

--Batsheva

I agree that the blame should DEFINITELY not be placed entirely on her friends. It is not a friend's job to make sure another gets married. Maybe the problem is NOT that her friends aren't setting her up. Maybe the problem is that there seems to be a race to get married. All these girls who start dating for marriage the minute they get out of high school or seminary not only don't know what they're looking for, they don't even fully know who they are yet. I think if everyone just relaxed, and took it slow-they wouldn't have so many issues. Shidduchim vs. Dating without a shadchan: There are pros and cons to each. I say, to each their own. Just make sure you're doing what YOU want, and not what someone else is telling you to do.

LOL you guys are so funny-

What is with everyone and being so shy about everything? Like, religious boys these days don't have the courage to go and approach a girl they like and ask for a date. I was talking to a big rabbi, and he said that he met his wife in the library. He went over, introduced himself, and asked for a date. It was perfectly fine. Then we got to talking how people don't do that anymore- they need everyone else to do the work on them. They've gotten lazy, and scared. They've lost their manliness. It's pretty pathetic, actually.

Anyways, we need to remember that Hashem sends you the right husband, at the right time, in the right place, when you're ready.

Love U Hannah!
Batya

Comment from Sofia:

"Ok, I'll chip in my two cents.
I agree with Jaimie that there shouldn't be such a race to get married and that most girls fresh out of high school don't know who they are and what they want out of life. (Thinking that you know and actually knowing is not the same thing).
Having said that, there is something to not waiting too long. The sad fact of life is that the older you get, the harder it becomes to get dates and the less choices you're left with. However, as Batya said, Hashem is the one who sends you the right shidduh, and as long as you're doing normal hishtadlut, you don't need to worry.
I know women who got married in their late 20's and I don't think they missed out on much. If anything, they have more appreciation for being married and having kids than the girls who go married younger.
Shedduhim vs Dating, each has it's benefits. The reason why Orthodox prefer shidduchim, is because they assume that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. They do a background check on the boy's/girl's family and hope that if the parents are people with good middos and good reputation in the community, they hopefully raised their kids to be decent people. Of course this could be misleading as no system can be perfect 100% of the time, but there's plenty of truth to this. When you're meeting someone on your own, you only have your own judgement to rely on, which may be clouded by many things we will not discuss here.
If you choose to date on your own, my recommendation is to make it clear to the men you're meeting that you're dating with the goal of eventually getting married and unabashedly ask for references who are NOT his friends (bec what friend would sabotage his friend's dating?).
Finally, remember to daven."

I totally agree. I know of a few girls who are getting no dates, but refuse to use YUConnects/Saw you at sinai, or even write a profile for distribution to potential matches - and yet they complain about the lack of dates their getting! ASoG and I have even offered to personally help them as matchmakers on YUConnects and they get nervous and refuse outright.

It IS true, however, that fewer singles will think of a friend for someone they went out with but ended the shidduch because it simply wasn't for them (to the exclusion of someone who is a jerk, an ax-murderer, etc). Rav Willig is a big fan of this, and it's how I met ASoG, incidentally.

I'm going to write another blog post about this based on all your comments, but first I just want to briefly reply here.

Batsheva, you're right in saying that a girl's parents might be limiting what she can do, but if this girl is old enough to be dating for marriage, shouldn't she be able to make decisions for herself? If she thinks that she's mature enough to get married, she should also be mature enough to decide how she wants to date. I think that's basically what Jaimie said, that to each their own. A girl should do what she thinks will work for her.

Batya, thanks! And I completely agree with you about how most religious guys now don't know how to ask out a girl by themselves and it's rather sad.

Sofia, I think these days it is much more common for the child to be different from the parents. Some kids from religious families grow up and decide that they don't want to continue following their parents' ideals and would rather pursue their own path. This happens a lot when they go to college and are exposed to new ideas and are able to make their own choices about what they want to do. This is especially true in Yeshiva University, which encourages students to think for themselves. Also, if a girl is set up by her friend, I doubt that there is much room for background checks. A girl might set her friend up with a guy whose family she doesn't really know, and the parents might not be able to check into it as much as with a 'professional' shadchan.

SoG, I also think it's great when friends set up friends. (I've done that before, with success.) Friends should definitely look out for each other, but it's just not fair to blame friends for one's lack of a dating life, since there are so many other ways to meet singles.