It is 11:17 PM. In less than an hour, the digital clock on my computer screen will read 12:00 AM, the start of December 3rd, and I will be 18.

It's funny; I don't feel as if I am turning 18. This milestone was something I looked forward to since I first became aware of the fact that at this age I would become a legal adult. And yet, now that the hour draws near, I shrink away from it.

Obviously, no tangible change occurs on a birthday -- only your perception of yourself -- but when it is something you have thought about since you were a child, you wonder why you feel nothing now.

If anything, I feel somewhat down because tomorrow will be a day like any other. I will spend half the night tonight studying for a test, I will wake up after very little sleep early tomorrow morning, I will go to school as usual and take the test, and life will go on as usual. And underneath it all, I will be thinking, "But it's my birthday today. Isn't this day supposed to be special and more meaningful than all the other days?" It will give me an opportunity to reflect and write my thoughts, but I am afraid that they might be less cheerful than might be expected from a birthday girl. But thoughts are thoughts -- they're precious whether they are upbeat or dejected.

I had a great year as a 17-year-old. Honestly, I have so many amazing memories from the past twelve months that I can barely believe how wonderful the year has been. I have so much to be thankful for -- and I am thankful -- to G-d, my parents, my family, my friends, my teachers, and all the other amazing people in my life. I can look back on this year with a wide smile, but it is when I think of tomorrow that my smile disappears.

But I won't dwell on that, as it does no good to anyone. Instead, I will focus on studying for tomorrow's test while I resume counting down the minutes until my 18th birthday.