Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Breaking Free - part I  

Posted by inkstainedhands in , , , ,

Choices are not easy to begin with; you have to live with your choice and it can completely change the direction of your life, whether for good or bad. But at some point you feel ready to make that choice, because after much deliberation you have reached the conclusion that it is what is best for you. You've agonized, spent sleepless nights thinking, scrutinized all the choices before you, spoken to people who would understand where you're coming from. And you're ready. You're ready for yourself.


But you're not ready to be open about it, because the rest of the people in your life don't make it easy for you to make that decision even when you feel that it is right for the person you are, the person they have not yet gotten to know. It is a fact of life that people have a hard time reconciling the little child they knew to the person you are now. But the child they knew was only a product of his/her upbringing, still unable to make informed decisions at crucial moments. They were used to this child; this child did what he/she was expected to do, the child's ideals were in line with the adults' ideals, and aside from the occasional lapses in behavior, everything was fine.

The problem begins when the child becomes his/her own person, learns, reads, is exposed to new ideas, experiences the world, sees firsthand what life is about, meets new people, and starts to create his/her own understanding of how life should be lived.

This is about someone who is finding a place in the world, who wants to live with eyes and heart wide open. Naive? Idealistic? Perhaps. But also introspective, thoughtful, informed? Yes.

Children, as they grow up, need to be given space to be themselves. If you try too hard to choke them with your own truths, you will alienate them. But so many people don't understand this. They cannot accept it when they see that you are becoming your own person, making your own choices. They don't know you; they don't see what is going on inside your head. All they see is the child they knew.

That makes it more difficult to be the person you want to be, the person you know with every fiber of your being is you. You become so caught up with others' perception of you that you begin stunting your own growth. And that's not good.

At some point, the time comes to break free -- to be honest, to be truthful, to talk to people and know that you can be yourself; you do not have to pretend to be the person others expect you to be. Being honest with yourself is not enough; you have to be honest with the people in your life, with the world, both in your daily face-to-face interactions and your writing or whatever other forms of self-expression you may want to use.

Breaking free -- what does it mean to you?

3 comments »

No Pressure  

Posted by inkstainedhands in , , ,

To quote my niece: "Why don't you just quickly choose a chosson and get married?"

She even had suggestions. I sense a shadchan in the making. ;]

And I also sense that I won't be hearing the end of it until I hand her an invitation to my wedding... which still doesn't have anyone in the main role.

1 comments »

Kids  

Posted by inkstainedhands in , , ,

My niece and nephew were at my house for Shabbat, and at one point, my niece turned to me and asked with a straight face, "When are you getting married?" My father and I exchanged looks, amused by the question and by the fact that it was my eight-year-old niece who was asking it. I cautiously replied that I might first have to find someone to marry before I can start planning the wedding, and I inquired why she was asking this all of a sudden. Her reply? She wants to wear a beautiful gown and wants to know when she can do that. I promised her that I would let her know as soon as I knew the answer myself.

It was her next question though that really surprised me. She wanted to know at what age I want to get married -- young or older. She elaborated that young was at 19 or 20 and older is basically anything above that number.

So this is just to let all you girls know -- if you're above 20, you are apparently older. Who knew?

0 comments »
Older Posts >>